Deadly Nightshade
by Alexis McGraw
Summary: Deadly Nightshade is written from two points of view Edward and our new lead character Gwen. It attempts to combine all the best themes of the first 3 Twilight novels. This tells the story of Gwen the most important female in Edward's life before Bella comes along and what happens to their relationship when the Cullens arrive in Forks. Matters of the heart will be tested.
1. Creep

******I do not own Twilight, nor do I own any of Twilight's characters. All characters and themes referenced belong to Stephanie Meyer. Any direct quotations are purely for reference and are in no way an attempt at any copyright infringement.**

**ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS**

First and foremost thank you to Stephanie Meyer for her inspirational books that reignited my belief in romance and all things worth waiting for.

A disguised gift in the form of the job recession of 2009, where as a college graduate I was unable to obtain a career and instead worked 4 part-time jobs enabling me to begin this endeavor of a full length fan fiction.

To my patient, kind and forgiving Beta Reader, Chelsea, whom without her continuous faith over the past 3 years I might just have given up.

To Jessica for performing the daunting task of editing my grammar while reminding me of the power of the almighty comma, which I still ignore. Power to the run-on sentence!

To my boyfriend Antonio, who is and always remains my very own Edward, my heart.

For my family always encouraging me without ever having read a page.

To my best friend Ashley, whose constant motivation to try new things in life has inspired me to keep at it.

For the wonderful fan-fiction community who gives nobodies like myself the belief that a good story can come from anyone.

For myself and one line crossed off a bucket list.

**Chapters Titled as Companion Playlist**

Tinyurl[dotcom][slash]dyoggxy

1. Creep (cover Scala & Kolacny Brothers)

2. Brand New Colony (The Postal Service)

3. Where Is My Mind (The Pixies)

4. In Circles (Sunny Day Real Estate)

5. The World At Large (Modest Mouse)

6. Smells Like Teen Spirit (Nirvana)

7. Gentleman (Mewithoutyou)

8. Roll Away Your Stone (Mumford & Sons)

9. The Scientist (Coldplay)

10. Trying (Lifehouse)

11. The Small Print (Muse)

12. Running Up That Hill (Placebo)

13. Under Your Spell (Desire)

14. Help I'm Alive (Metric)

15. Wolf Like Me (TV on the radio)

16. The Shining (Badly Drawn Boy)

17. Born To Die (Lana Del Rey)

18. Lillie (Lisa Hannigan)

19. No Promises (The Statistics)

20. 9 Crimes (Damien Rice)

21. Alright (Pilot Speed)

22. Tonight (Lykke Li)

23. Eyes on Fire (Blue Foundation)

24. No Need To Argue (The Cranberries)

25. Change In The House of Flies (Deftones)

26. To Build A Home (The Cinematic Orchestra)

**Prelude**

Before Juliet there was Rosaline. Before Bella there was Gwen.

It is the loves that came before "the one" that make you who you are today.

(Gwen's Point of View= GPOV)

(Edward's Point of View= EPOV)

**1. Creep**

Hospital Saint Mary's Seattle, WA

Psyche Ward

Patient Information

Date: February 18th, 1979

Patient Name: Gwendolyn Elenora Rice

Date of Birth: November 20th, 1962

Age: 17

Diagnosis Summary: Asperger's Syndrome with advanced tendencies, possibly from mild autism; excels in mathematics and musical relationships.

Symptoms: Weak social skills, fully developed understanding of the English language but lacks willingness to communicate, exhibits extreme shyness, problems sleeping, anti-social tendencies, lack of empathy, but not severe enough to be labeled sociopathic. Identification issues between fantasy and reality…

The words were printed across my psych sheet like facts. I despised how they thought that they had me cornered, pinned to be something I was not.

When I was 14, the adoption agency decided they could no longer handle my so called "antics." They were more than elated to dump me off at the hospital to become some new case study for doctors who were just beginning to touch the tip of the ice berg on diagnosing what they called "Asperger's Syndrome." I had been a rat in their hollow cage for three years now.

Apparently there was a term for a girl like me. Girls like me whose parents gave her up for adoption, too young to raise a child when they were only children themselves; flower children or something of the sort.

There was a term for girls like me who were tossed in and out of orphanages all their lives unable to make a single friend. I kept entirely to myself, but somehow managed to disappoint my caretakers even though I blended in like a repetitious pattern sprawled across wallpaper. If my shyness translated into this so-called Asperger's Syndrome, who was I to dispute it. That was until I found out exactly what they thought of me.

I spent most of my youth alone, up in my room scouring through fantasy novels like the Grimm's Fairytales. The characters in the novels were more captivating than the troubled and boring kids I was surrounded with at the orphanage. Since all I knew or cared about was the characters in my books, I found it hard, if not impossible, to communicate with my peers from as young as I can remember. None of them wanted to talk about what I cared about, so I kept to myself.

My parents left me only two gifts, both of which had no monetary value. For some reason I was ahead of everyone my age when it came to math and music. I still to this day do not know if my parents were amazing at either, but I like to think my dad must have been some troubled mathematician, possibly an education major and my mother a struggling musician with raw talent beyond her years. I knew deep down none of this was true, but they're the only gifts that came naturally to me.

All of this added up to me being the girl that never talked to anyone, let alone befriend someone. I never connected with my caretakers and I never empathized with those around me. It was just me, my books, and my music. I was perfectly content, but understood that I was not living my life the way I was expected to. That was when they decided to turn me over to the care of the hospital, to be a part of a new study on Asperger's Syndrome.

Had the psychologists done their real jobs, they would have figured out why my past and present tendencies made it seem like I was the perfect candidate to be diagnosed with Asperger's, but of course they would much rather the results go in line with the study. Inevitably, for the next three years of my life I played the role of their perfect little lab rat; the quintessential case study. That was until I felt the presence of a man gazing in the tiny wire covered window of my hospital door. I can no longer despise what my patient sheet said; no matter how much of it were contorted lies, because it is what led him to be curious enough about me to open the door.

Carlisle was a doctor at the hospital I resided at. Although he was a general surgeon, he often took an interest in the psych ward and its patients. One day he strolled by my room. I could sense him peering into the window. I didn't often receive visitors other then the nurse and my assigned doctors, so I was minutely intrigued. Minutely was the word until I turned, and looked at the eyes gazing in the window. They were the most brilliant color of gold I have ever seen, an eye color that up until that day, I did not believe to actually exist. That was when the door knob turned and my heart jumped as the book I was re-reading fumbled out of my hands to the floor.

Carlisle nonchalantly walked across my tiny solitary room and picked the book up and handed it to me. When I looked up at him he had the most confused look on his face. He scrunched his nose, and kept sniffing the air like he was expecting to smell something odd. At the same time I felt a strange tingling sensation begin to occur in my fingers and slowly spread all over my body. It was as if I was in someone else's skin. Being around this stranger made me feel funny in a way I have never felt.

I was too taken aback by Carlisle's constant sniffing of my room to notice just how perfectly handsome he was; too handsome, too stunning for a doctor. His skin was extremely pale like mine and his blonde hair was perfectly slicked back. He looked like he was young enough to be right out of med-school, but the name tag proved he was an experienced doctor. Almost five minutes had gone by, and he still hadn't said a word to me. So I spoke, something I didn't often do, not even to my psychologist whom I was supposed to reveal everything to. "I'm sorry but what do you smell? I don't smell anything"

"Exactly, I don't smell anything either, how curious!" he exclaimed, his voice matched the magnificence of his face, yet I didn't understand what he was supposed to smell or why he seemed so distraught over it.

To this day I have no idea why Carlisle was so forthcoming and honest with me. Perhaps it was intuition.

"I have a very good sense of smell, to say the least, and well you don't smell like anything, nothing at all," he pointed out curiously.

"I'm sorry," I said half apologetically. I had no idea why this man, who still hadn't introduced himself, was upset that I didn't smell. Wasn't that a good thing?

Once again, unlike usual, I took the lead, "My name is Gwen and you are Dr. Cullen, as I can see from your name tag. But, this is not your area, so can I ask why you're even here?"

"I apologize, my name is Carlisle, and you don't need to call me Dr. Cullen, especially since I am not your doctor," he said in a way that seemed like he had no intention of being my doctor, poking or prodding me, and I appreciated that. You didn't get that often in the psyche ward. "I read your file; you're an Asperger's patient, correct?"

"So they say," I scoffed.

"Well, then what do you say?" he questioned.

I don't think in my entire three year stay at the hospital a doctor asked me that; least not one who seemed like they meant it.

"I'm really good at math and music for some reason, big deal. I'm shy, but that doesn't mean I'm not capable of talking. I also like to read a lot. I find my books more interesting than the people I'm surrounded with. If that makes me mentally ill or incapable in some way, so be it," I replied acrimoniously.

Carlisle glanced at the book that he returned to me, now sitting on the side of the bed.

"Alice in Wonderland…huh?" he questioned as he pointed at the book.

"Yeah, some say it's a bit juvenile, but it's actually a lot darker than people give it credit for. It's one of my favorites!" There I was having a conversation about one of my favorite books with a complete stranger, nonetheless a doctor, and I felt completely at ease. Perhaps if everyone just let me talk about books I'd have a ton of friends.

"I also saw on your file you've been in and out of adoption homes all your life, is that correct?" he questioned pointedly.

"Yeah, guess I'm not a keeper," I responded sheepishly. I really didn't intend to sound so pathetic to a stranger, a gorgeous one at that.

"Gwen, I'm going to be straight with you; I don't think you have Asperger's at all. You're special, but not in a bad way, special nonetheless," Carlisle declared candidly.

Never in my life had I been told I was special. I was told many times I was gifted; of course for my ability to read and write music like some Mozart protégé, and that I was grade levels above my peers in math. If I never saw this man again I could at least eternally appreciate him for his un-warranted statement that I was special.

Before he spoke his next words, I pictured Dr. Cullen to be the type of man with the perfect wife and 2.5 children and a house with a white picket fence. He was too perfect, the kind of man you only read about in fairytales; I would know because I've read many!

"My wife Esme and I have five adopted children. All of them are special in their own right. I know that you're turning eighteen soon, and will have the freedom to do as you please from that point on, but I'm going to go out on a limb here," he spoke persuasively.

This was not happening. He was not about to say or ask the unimaginable.

"How would you like it if we met a few more times, got to know one another? Then, if you decide you are comfortable you could stay with us and see where things go?" He asked charmingly.

I must have been dreaming. The man with the strange colored eyes and the odd sense of smell, who I could talk to like I've known him forever, was asking me if I potentially wanted to come be with his family? To come be his sixth?

I'd be lying to myself if a part of me didn't want to jump immediately at the idea, yelling, "If we can talk about books and not treat me like a lab rat, I'll go wherever you like." But, in the back of my head the little pessimistic jiminy cricket screamed all too loudly. Too many times in my life I had been disappointed and let down. I was used to that kind of routine, and this was just too out of the ordinary. Stuff like this did not happen to me.

The day Dr. Carlisle Cullen was curious enough to walk in my door was the day my life changed forever. I met with Carlisle three more times before I was confident enough to accept his proposal. During those three meetings the tingling feeling I got around him did not cease. It was like my skin was crawling, but not in a bad way. He told me all about his family members which only fed my curiosity. His wife Esme had been married before, but was widowed at a young age and was unable to conceive. The first son he adopted named Edward; apparently another Washington native like myself. At the time I was most excited to meet him. Edward was gifted in music as well, and Carlisle assured me that we would get along great.

Rosalie was the second child they adopted. He told me about how stunning she was, and not to be too concerned if she doesn't take kindly to me at first. Then as he proceeded to tell me about the other kids, things got a little weird. Emmett came third, and Rosalie actually found him. I didn't bother to ask how odd it was for an already adopted child to ask if another could be brought into the family. To make things even weirder for Carlisle, apparently she and Emmett are a thing. I understand that they are not blood related, but still, wasn't that supposed to be her adoptive brother...not a live-in boyfriend.

While Carlisle was explaining all of this, I think he could tell I was a little disturbed. He assured me that there was zero weirdness about it, and he couldn't be happier for two of his own to find real love with someone else. That is when he dropped another bomb. He told me all about Alice and Jasper who he had met randomly at a diner one evening after getting off the late shift at the hospital. When he met them they were both seventeen and already on the run together. I guess young love makes you do crazy things. They had been hopping town to town. He said there was something inexplicably special about both of them, and he couldn't pass up the opportunity to lend them a helping hand. Eventually, a few weeks stay with the Cullens turned into a permanent residence. The others quickly latched on to Jasper and Alice, and loved them as if they were meant to be a part of the family all along. . The most interesting part of his family was that all the kids were the same age. How unlucky could Esme and Carlisle get? They had to raise an entire family of teenagers, especially ones dating, under their roof. I couldn't deny that I was excited, this meant automatic peers. Hopefully our similarity in age would lead to possible friendships. I still had my doubts.

"Wait, a minute so let me get this straight," I interrupted, trying to sum up what I had heard. "You have two couples of adopted kids who are dating and one solo guy who just happens to be great at music like me, all living under one roof like one big happy family?" I asked trying not to sound too doubtful for fear of him rescinding my invitation into his seemingly dysfunctional, but happy family.

He laughed at my disbelief and responded confidently, "Gwen, I can't say that my family and our lifestyle isn't alternative. What you're hearing is just the beginning of how alternative we really are; but, some things just fit together like puzzle pieces. They were made to work out."

I sighed with relief, only because he had a way of speaking with such sureness that it was like he could convince me of anything. It was like he was dazzling me or something. I'd never felt so sure about things until I heard them from Carlisle's mouth. He could have easily convinced me that purple horses, angels, and talking caterpillars all existed and I would have taken his word for fact.

Carlisle handled all the paperwork and red tape with the adoption agency. All I had to do was sit and anxiously await the day of my departure. I knew the psych ward was throwing a hissy fit. They claimed they were losing a key subject in their study to help diagnose Asperger's Syndrome. Being called a "subject" only solidified my decision to leave with Dr. Cullen. I was nervous beyond belief and my hands would not stop sweating. I already packed up my few belongings which consisted mostly of books and my old guitar that I picked up at a garage sale years prior. When Carlisle arrived at my room, it was early evening and he signaled that it was time to go. I pulled on my red pea coat, and said a silent farewell to the whitewashed walls I wished to never see again. That was the last day someone referred to me as an Asperger's patient.

I climbed into the front seat of Carlisle's flashy car as he loaded my belongings into the trunk. Although the hospital was in the city, the Cullens' home was on the outskirts in a wealthy suburb. As we pulled into the driveway I started internally panicking. Had the house not been hidden by thick trees leading up the driveway, it would have stood out like a sore thumb on the typical suburban street. From the outside, the house looked like a miniature castle. I was not accustomed to living in a place like that. I had so many people to impress. It's not like it was just Carlisle, Esme and Edward. I had two parents and five teens to convince I was worthy of keeping around for awhile. I was almost certain they would be bored with me after the first night. I can just see it now, Rosalie saying to Carlisle, "Dad, she's boring, not special like you promised, bring home someone else. Take her back!" Those thoughts played on repeat in my head as Carlisle lead me to the front door.

I could feel my hands shaking immensely as I toted my guitar case with me up to the door. I looked like a total bohemian, with my red wavy hair blowing in the wind as I clutched to my coat and nothing but a guitar in my hand. Maybe they would think I was a side show, pan handling for money door to door.

The second the door swung open I almost exploded; I couldn't take it all in at once. There was amazing art and furniture everywhere, and there they all sat, awaiting my arrival patiently on the living room couch. The second my foot entered the door they all stood up. Talk about a standing ovation. Once again the side show joke crept into the back of my mind. Then it hit me, almost the same as it did when I first saw Carlisle peering into my room. An overwhelming tingling that almost made me sick to my stomach. This time I attributed it to the fact that I was staring at six of the most gorgeous strangers I had ever seen in my life. They looked like a painting, slightly aged but remarkably beautiful nonetheless. Even though Carlisle had handpicked his family like a kid at the candy shop, they all seemed to fit perfectly together just like he said. I immediately noticed the same shocking color of gold eyes that each of them had, as their stares beamed through me. That was it; I was officially a puzzle piece in the wrong box. My bright blue eyes and red hair didn't fit in with this immaculately beautiful family. Carlisle nudged me forward to make his introductions.

"Everyone, this is Gwen. She's seventeen and originally from here in Seattle. She is going to be staying with us for awhile and I want you all to make her feel very welcome," he demanded adamantly. I felt like he was reading off some prepared sheet that taught you how to introduce new potential members of the family, perhaps, "Adoption for Dummies." He already had this speech under his belt a few times before; that much was obvious.

The older looking female of the group lunged forward and hugged me. From afar she appeared dainty and soft, but her tiny frame was muscular and hard. She told me how elated she was for my arrival. She then proceeded with the most peculiar part of her greeting. She leaned into my neck while hugging me and sniffed my neck. Yes, sniffed me like a dog. Just like the first time Carlisle and I met. What was with this family and their sense of smell? As I stepped back a bit embarrassed, that once again I might smell strange, she gave a reassuring nod to Carlisle and the others in the room. It was as if she was saying, "Yes kids, she does in fact wear deodorant."

The next family member down the line was Jasper. At the time his left hand was glued tightly to Alice's and he held out his right hand for me to shake. I tried to be assertive and firmly grasp his hand. He was looking at me so intensely; I was almost frightened of my newly adoptive brother. When our skin touched, his was extremely cool and firm like Esme's. At that very moment a sense of calmness and relief flooded over me. It was like I had been touched by an angel and for that brief moment all fears and worries dissipated from my mind. I didn't ever want to let go of his hand. He was like my personal Valium in the flesh. He dropped my hand and the second our skin parted the fear and insecurity quickly seeped back in. He then gave that same reassuring nod to everyone in the room that Esme did after sniffing my neck. I started to wonder just how weird and "alternative" this family was.

Alice was the epitome of precious. She was pixie-like, like all the fairies I had read about in my books. She dropped Jasper's hand and lunged forward to hug me like Esme did. As our tiny frames clung to one another, I began to think about how I had been hugged more times tonight than probably in my whole existence. Just as I began to feel comfortable in her arms, she was suddenly startled. Every muscle in her body tensed and she shuddered. I thought she was having a seizure. She fell back into Jasper's grasp and her eyes fluttered to the back of her head. It had only been a few seconds then she opened her eyes wide at me and screeched, "Carlisle!" Immediately, the boy at the end of the line, who I took to be Edward, demanded to have a family meeting in the nearby office.

I stood there frozen, trying to figure out what I had done to offend them. It had to have been something so offensive that it called for a family meeting. Was this really happening? Were they voting to rid of me already?

"Edward, Esme, Alice, my office immediately; Emmett and Rosalie introduce yourselves and stay here and keep Gwen company, same with you Jasper!" Carlisle demanded worriedly. I hadn't heard that kind of startled emotion in his voice until that very moment. The four quickly retreated to another room and I stood there facing two of my brothers and the one sister that I was already warned about. I really wanted Carlisle to be there when I was introduced to Rosalie, in case she decided to be rude. I thought the best thing to do was continue like nothing had happened. I stepped forward with my hand out to greet Rosalie. She apathetically plopped back down on the couch and rolled her eyes at me without shaking my hand. _Wow_, Carlisle really wasn't kidding around before when he warned me about Rosalie. Emmett, the huge boulder of a boy standing next to her looked at me with pity and stuck his hand out to shake mine. "I'm Emmett. I apologize for Rosalie's behavior, she isn't great about newcomers."

Jasper interjected, "Yea, no kidding. You should have seen the tantrum she put on when Alice and I arrived."

Since both Jasper and Emmett had now taken a seat on the couch next to Rosalie, I figured I'd sit in the solitary loveseat across from them.

With my coat still on, I sat there and began picking at my finger nails out of sheer nervousness. Jasper sat anxiously, almost predatorily on the edge of the couch. It was as if he was trying to hear in on the dispute or conversation going on in the other room. Then I heard Rosalie mutter under her breath into Emmett's ear, "I don't care if she doesn't smell, she already freaked out Ali..." her words trailed off as Emmett moved his hand to cover her mouth while the other four rejoined us in the living room.

Here it was, my jury had returned to deliver the verdict that once again I was a reject. I was eyeing the floor for my suitcases, when Carlisle spoke with an endearing but serious tone, "Gwen I apologize for Alice's reaction. She is a bit jittery, but I would like to continue with the introductions if that is alright with you?"

"Sure," I responded warily. "But, I have already become great acquaintances with Emmett and Rosalie." I didn't mean to come off sounding bitter or sarcastic, but then again that is how I felt.

"Well then, I guess that leaves you and Edward to become acquainted," Carlisle smiled sweetly with an encouraging nod toward Edward.

I stood up and walked slowly over to Edward with my eyes plastered to the carpet. I was dying to get out of here. My new family made me the most uncomfortable I had ever felt in my life. When my eyes reached a large pair of leather shoes, I looked up with the anticipation of nearly repulsing another one of the Cullen kids with my mere presence. But, repulsion was the exact opposite of what ran through my body. As Edward and I shook hands, I heard Edward worriedly question me with things like, "What's wrong with you, how did you do that to Alice, why can't we smell you?" I dropped his hand, stepping back and finally got the courage to ask, "What do you mean why can't you smell me?"

The entire family looked at me like I was speaking in tongues.

"What? Seriously, I didn't do anything to Alice; I swear!"

Edward stepped back from me cautiously and Jasper increased his predatory stance around Alice. "No one said anything about you Gwen." Edward replied uneasily while throwing a concerned glance at Carlisle.

Just as I thought I was getting out of the loony bin I began to feel truly crazy around these people. "What do you mean no one said a thing? Didn't you just hear Edward question me?"

Rosalie scoffed loudly from the couch, "I knew this was a bad idea!"

That was it; I was officially done. The Cullens had managed to completely alienate me in less than fifteen minutes.

Edward stepped forward and grabbed my shoulder, then quickly removed it like when you're afraid of being shocked by static. Had I not been so concerned with the fact that everyone was looking at me like I was insane, I might have enjoyed the second time Edward had touched me, because he was downright gorgeous. When he touched my shoulder, I heard him berate me in an angry tone, "You know exactly what you're doing!"

I started to walk towards the door; I raised my voice and addressed my response at the entire family, "I don't know what you're talking about. I'm not doing anything, but now I'm leaving!" The words rushed from my tongue and tears began to well in my eyes. Was I really going mad?

Carlisle quickly rushed to my side. "Please have a seat Gwen; I think this is all a misunderstanding, we really need to discuss this."

I really had no intentions of discussing another word with these people, but the way they had me feeling like I had lost touch with reality made me think maybe I shouldn't be heading out the door so quickly without calling for some help. Maybe the hospital would come pick me up.

Carlisle sat next to me on the couch while everyone else remained in the standing position across from me. _Way to make a girl feel comfortable_.

"Gwen, remember how I told you all my kids are special in their own ways?" Carlisle questioned proudly.

"Yes," I answered nodding my heading anxiously but still fighting back the tears.

"Well it seems you are also special and that is quite apparent right now," he looked inquisitively at me.

My stomach grumbled and I argued to myself, "especially good at scaring people away."

"I know this may come as a bit of a shock to you, but Edward and Alice have special abilities," he spoke the words as if he were searching for permission from his family.

"What do you mean abilities…like juggling?" I retorted cheekily.

"No, like mind reading and clairvoyance," he spoke once again sincerely; yet, his words were complete and utter blasphemy.

A giggle escaped my mouth, and I clutched my hand to my lips to silence myself. The Cullens stared back at me intently, as to say what Carlisle proposed was entirely true.

Was this a test? Were they trying to see if I'd buy into their games, to see if I really was crazy? I decided to play a long with their jokes and oblige them, but the words escaped my mouth before I could get the courage to say otherwise, "That's impossible. Stop messing with me. It's only the first night."

Edward stepped forward and looked me straight in the eye. "He's not lying Gwen, you little bohemian. Are you seeking that calmness you felt when you met Jasper?" he said it in the cockiest fashion. I'm sure at that moment I looked flushed white like a ghost. This was the Twilight Zone! "How did you know about the Bohemian? What the hell is going on?"

I did not say anything about me feeling Bohemian once, since my arrival. Yes, I thought that on the doorstep when I was questioning how much I appeared like a circus act, but I was positive I had said nothing of the sort to anyone. And how the heck did he know how calm I felt around Jasper. I felt like I was going to pass out from all the questions and confusion now sprinting through my brain.

"He told you I can read minds. You should believe him and no you don't look like a circus act. But, we are looking at you like you're crazy because you responded to my thoughts. You read my mind!" Edward stated as if he were accusing me of taking something very precious from him.

"How are you doing that?" I demanded. "I didn't read anyone's mind earlier; I just responded to your apparent disappointment that you can't smell me." My head was completely boggled at this point.

"How many times do I have to prove to you that I can read minds?" Edward questioned with a glare. "Come here, I want to try something." Edward stepped right in front of me as if he were displaying a science project to his family.

"I'm going to think of a number, you tell me what I'm thinking."

"This is stupid, but go ahead!" Why were they playing these games with me?

I waited patiently, as if some correct number was going to pop into my head.

"I don't know, five?" I picked a number arbitrarily.

"Wrong," he said, even though he looked pleased and curious all at once. Then he placed his hand on my shoulder.

The second he touched me; I heard the number six loudly in my head. "Six," I shouted, stepping back from his touch.

"I knew it, Carlisle she can only do it when she touches us!"

Alice leaned into Jasper's arm like she was trying to hide from me.

I had enough of the funny games. "Tell me how the hell you're doing this, NOW!"

Edward retreated to his position by his brothers and sisters, and now Carlisle stood facing me. His endearment always got the best of me.

"Gwen, I can't explain or understand it all. But, you are extraordinarily special. Whether you choose to believe it or not you have a gift. Edward could play the numbers game with you all night just to prove to you that he can indeed read minds. But, that is not what is important. What we are all in shock by is your ability to absorb things. It's like you're some sort of human sponge. When you touch Edward you share his power, or so it seems from the given demonstration," Carlisle jumbled his words together quickly without letting his eyes leave my disbelieving stare.

I felt like I was listening to Japanese, playing backwards. All this talk of powers and absorption was absolutely ludicrous.

"Let's pretend for a minute that I'm not crazy and Edward can read minds and for some reason I'm a sponge," I spout brazenly.

Rosalie let out a huge laugh.

"What is Alice freaking out about?" I questioned despondently.

"She could see a glimpse of your future. She sees what you can potentially do or become. She's afraid you're going to steal our powers," Edward explained apprehensively.

I ignored the fact that he had just referred to them as powers and I took a step toward Alice as if I was begging for her forgiveness. "I'm not stealing anything! I swear, Alice, I wouldn't do anything to hurt you." I pleaded with my eyes.

Carlisle then put his arm around me to try and reassure me that what he really meant what he was about to say. "I know things seem really strange right now, but I" he rephrased, "we would still like you to stay. I think there is a lot to be learned from what happened tonight. This is a mystery for all of us."

I wanted to scream, "No!" I wanted to demand Carlisle return me to the safe walls and confinement of my hospital bedroom. I refused to be a part of his collection of teenage mutants. This was not the X-Men. I was still in denial of everything that was going on even though I was sure what was going on between Edward and me really was in fact happening.

"Fine, I'll stay, but that doesn't mean I'm buying into this." I only said I'd stay because I really had nowhere else to go; I was ultimately curious about their freaky family.

Everyone looked relieved except Rosalie, who let out a little huff of disappointment and turned to Emmett for consoling like a toddler who got her toy stolen. Esme smiled gently and decided to lead me on a small tour of the house, as if that could actually make me feel welcome in their home after the recent charade of madness.

She led me into their flawless kitchen. Every inch of it was immaculately clean like it was out of some Homes and Garden magazine and had never been touched by human hands. She opened the fridge to display the food to me, saying that I could help myself to anything. I was surprised by the fact that nothing in the fridge had been touched or used at all. It was like they went grocery shopping today just for my arrival.

I began to think I was walking into a family that only eats out for meals, and I was here ruining their comfortable lifestyle.

"This way, Gwendolyn, I want to show you to your room; it's upstairs," Esme kindly whispered pointing her hand toward the staircase.

"Gwen, I prefer to be called Gwen." No one had called me by my full name since I was a little girl first arriving at the adoption home. When Esme said it she sounded so maternal, and I secretly enjoyed the way it sounded coming from her.

She smiled at me and continued to lead the way up the huge staircase. She pointed on the right to a closed door, "This is Edward's room and here on the right is where Emmett and Rosalie stay." She didn't bother to open the door to any of the rooms. I didn't know if that meant they were off limits or she was just embarrassed by how dirty her mutant teens left their rooms. Another staircase led to a separate wing of the house where she noted that she and Carlisle resided. "And this room is yours…" She opened the door gently, as if she was unwrapping a present for me.

I hadn't had my own room outside of the psych ward in my entire life. When you are one of the many rugrats at the orphanage you all sleep in bunk beds, in giant rooms with rows full of other kids just like you. In my case, nothing like me. I was half expecting to see another bunk bed in my room. I stood there in silence, taking in all that was now mine. Or at least, until I royally screwed up enough to send them all kicking and screaming.

"I hope this is comfortable enough for you. If you don't like how it's decorated we can change anything you dislike. But, if you do like it, you can thank Alice. She has a knack for decorating and she demanded to be in charge of setting it all up for you. Over there to your left is your own bathroom, so you don't need to worry about getting lost in the hallways at night to find one," Esme displayed the room dotingly.

I was in complete shock; I was smiling ear to ear with happiness. My very own room and I actually loved what Alice had done with it, even if it was a bit girly for my taste.

I turned to lunge at Esme and hug her tightly in appreciation. But, just as my arms reached out, and I almost fell into her outstretched arms; I jumped back looking alarmed.

I didn't want to cause any more drama and I wasn't exactly sure what would happen if I touched a Cullen again.

"Don't worry Gwen; nothing will happen when we touch. My only gifts are my children. And, I hope someday that you will allow me to call you my own as well, in time," she whispered. She had the sweetest voice of them all. Some people were just destined to be mothers, and Esme was one of them.

"I'll leave you to your room; if you need anything at all just ask. And, don't worry about waking us. We all usually stay up pretty late. I'll see you in the morning." She hugged me tightly and walked out the door, shutting it behind her and leaving me to my solitude, to my sanctuary.


	2. Brand New Colony

**2. Brand New Colony**

GPOV

My room was undeservingly huge. The giant, king size bed in the middle of the room stood so high, I had to launch my body up onto it. The walls were painted the perfect color of dark blood red. My comforter and bed set was a vibrant green almost peridot. I walked about the room as though surveying a museum display.

I had my very own walk-in closet, even though I didn't have 10% of the clothes needed to fill it. There was a vanity in one corner of the room with a mirror with a white ornate design around it. I knew the vanity set probably wouldn't get much use, as I hardly ever wore makeup. We had no need for luxuries like that in the hospital; who was I going to impress, the boy giving me my meds?

The best part of my room was the giant window that overlooked the backyard. The yard was filled with trees for as far as I could see, and the moon shone through the window like some sort of fairytale scene. It gave my room the perfect nighttime lighting as the shadows of all my new furniture cut angles across the carpet.

I was exploring all the cabinetry in my private bathroom when I heard a soft knock on my door. I was almost sure it was Carlisle coming to rescind my invitation. They had finally come to their senses and wanted to be rid of me. It was already 10:00pm; I was surprised any of them were still awake. Lights out at the hospital was 9:30pm.

I walked to the door nervously. I just wanted to hide in my palace forever. I cracked the door and was met with the piercing stare of Edward's golden eyes.

"May I come in?" he asked and that's when I noticed how his voice was like silk. It had the smoothness of Carlisle's and the sincerity of Esme's.

"Um, sure I guess," I responded quietly as I slid the door open to let him in.

It took me a few seconds to realize Edward and I were standing in the dark. He was towering over me, and the moonlight hit his face, making his skin look like porcelain.

I quickly shook off my astonishment and scurried over to the bedside lamp, flipping it on.

The artificial light filling the room did nothing to deflect his beauty.

I had to stop thinking about all of Edward's attractive features. He was my adoptive brother for all intents and purposes, and I had a bigger bone to pick than his god-like appearance.

I plopped myself down on the bed, realizing maybe it was a little too soon to be this personal with Edward. I did the only thing I could think of to remedy the mistake. I told him to have a seat and pointed to the spot next to me on the bed.

I decided the best approach was humor. "So where's the Ouija board, or did you bring tarot cards tonight?" I asked with an amused smile.

"Excuse me? What?" he looked entirely perplexed.

"Well it seems you and your eccentric family are quite superstitious. I figured you were coming over to show me all sorts of tricks and games you wanted me to buy into, on top of you being a mind reader." I should have shut up twenty words earlier. I was coming off insulting when I was trying to make a joke. I should have been trying harder to fit in and make him and his family like me.

He cracked a tiny smile from his perfect lips, "I think Jasper and Alice have them both tonight; I'll be sure to get us at least the Tarot Cards next time."

Thank God he understood my humor. I had not offended him. I apologized anyway, "I'm sorry, I don't mean to be offensive, I'm just still a bit confused by this whole evening. Humor is my way of coping."

Why in the hell was I explaining myself to him? Wasn't there supposed to be strength in being mysterious? If you tell someone everything then you're vulnerable. Then it hit me, he could read my mind. He knew every thing I had thought since I answered the door. That is, if he really was a mind reader. Just as my face was turning a deep shade of red, embarrassed from gawking at my adoptive brother, he spoke. "I'm really trying not to be intrusive with your thoughts. It's impolite and I will make an effort to block them out. It's just that I'm sort of fascinated, well more like extremely curious, about you."

"Wait, so you can hear all my thoughts even when we are not touching?" I questioned with a perplexed expression. I was bound and determined to figure out how all this worked so I could protect myself from his so-called gift and intrusions.

"I don't see it as a gift. It can be very annoying, but at the same time helpful," he stated, furrowing his brows.

I was astonished just like before in the living room. _How in the world was he doing this?_ First thing first, I needed him out of my head.

"So you can block out my thoughts if you choose to, if I ask you to?" I questioned, implying that I was going to demand he stay out of my head.

"It's sort of like a constant buzzing, like cicadas in the summer, until I choose to hone in on one person's thoughts." He looked wary. Sort of like he wasn't sure he should be explaining himself to me.

"Well if that is the case I'd appreciate if you stay out of my head. It's creepy."

He cringed when I said the word creepy. I immediately felt awful. Here I was making him feel bad when I was ignoring the fact that I too was doing very creepy things earlier in the evening. Things I never imagined capable, around people who had gifts that I only read about in folklore.

"I will do as you wish," he said as if he were granting me some reprieve.

Little did he know, it really was a pardon because it would be awful for him to constantly hear my thoughts about his family. At least with the way things currently were. I kept telling myself it wasn't my fault I was having such awful thoughts about them. I mean, look what I was thrown into.

Silence filled the room, and it was increasingly awkward. I figured I might as well get this whole charade going. "I want to figure out how this works, Edward." I tried to look determined and not scared. He appeared unthreatening, but I figured mind reading could be a dangerous thing, if used the wrong way.

"I don't know, I can't explain it. It's like a two way transmission of electricity between us or something. When we touch you can hear what I think and I can hear what you think. That's why everyone downstairs was so startled. You were answering my thoughts out loud, and I hadn't said a word," Edward hypothesized excitedly.

I immediately wanted to try the number game again, just to make sure I wasn't dreaming all of this.

"Think of a number," I commanded. I then reached out and touched his shoulder. I could feel his muscles underneath his thin grey t-shirt. I immediately heard a silky voice in my head say seven.

"Seven?" I questioned, looking at him like a little kid waiting to be praised for doing something right.

He nodded at me, letting me know I had been correct.

"Okay so we know the number game apparently works, and we know that I can answer your thoughts, but what about us answering each other without either of us speaking?" I questioned, fascinated by the situation.

Edward looked like a light bulb had gone off in his head. "I hadn't thought of that yet, I guess I assumed one of us always had to respond to the other out loud, but if it works like we think, then we should be able to communicate just with our minds."

When he came to the same realization that I slowly was; I got a little bit scared; like we were participating in some Dr. Kevorkian experiment. I don't know why, but I prepared for the test to hurt.

He reached out and placed his hand gently on my shoulder I then heard his voice in my head, "What is your full name?"

I almost began to move my lips and let the words escape them, but then I made a conscience effort to just think, "Gwendolyn Elenora Rice."

He kept his hand on my shoulder and I heard it again, the soft spoken Edward reply, "It's nice to meet you Ms. Rice."

I pulled back from his hand so that he was no longer touching me. I was frigid. That did not just happen. I had a full on exchange of questions and answers without saying a word.

Edward looked a lot calmer than I'm sure I did. It was like he was expecting it to work. Something about him said he was comfortable with all things weird, creepy, and unexplained.

"I'm definitely comfortable with all things weird and unexplained, more than you know…yet," he trailed off.

"Hey! I thought you were going to keep out of my head."

He sincerely apologized, "I'm sorry; it felt like the electricity was still flowing, I forgot we're not experimenting anymore. I'll remember next time to shut it off."

Even though I wanted to believe him, I could never really know if Edward was actually blocking out my thoughts. The only time I could truly know was if I was touching him so I could hear his thoughts, but then again that left open the floodgate to my thoughts. It was a complete Catch-22.

I decided to change the subject entirely. "So what's it like being the only one without a live-in girlfriend or boyfriend?"

Edward looked at me like I was intruding or he was reluctant to answer. "I guess it's ok. They are all very lucky, but sometimes it can be annoying to be around them all. Their happiness sort of eats away at me."

His hand was resting on my bed, and I suddenly felt the urge to reach out and touch him. I wanted to know what he was really thinking. Like how badly it really hurt that he was the lone man out. His honesty was attractive to say the least.

I gazed out the window of my room at the moonlight reflecting on the window panes. I felt like my life had done a complete one-eighty. Tonight, I had conversed with people more than I had in my entire life. I was used to only conversing with doctors or my caretakers. As mentioned before I never had friends at the orphanage and I kept to myself.

_Why were the Cullens so different?_ It might have been a huge leap to say, but I felt like I could talk to them about anything, especially Edward. It had to mean something that it was now 11:33pm and he was the only sibling in the house who was up in my room trying to get to know me. Maybe it was the fact that he and I were now capable of sharing this weird gift or curse; whatever it may be.

I could tell that Edward wasn't much of a talker, like me. I knew this because he was never bothered by the awkward silences that occurred many times already. He sat contently and quietly at the end of my bed.

I wanted to console Edward, for him feeling occasionally alienated by his family's happiness, but I could tell he was not one for pity either.

"Well, at least now you have me to hang out with." I tried to sound convincing like a car salesman; as if I were selling myself. "That is until Carlisle and Esme get sick of me and ask me to leave. Least they have Rosalie's vote already!" I sounded like a pathetic whiny baby. I was asking for the punishment to be quick and painless, very Machiavellian of me.

"Ignore Rosalie, I do. Don't worry Carlisle is not getting rid of you anytime soon. You intrigue him too much; you're the new pet," Edward winked. Suddenly he appeared to regret saying it and I knew why. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to call you his pet. Please don't think that's how Carlisle thinks of you. I promise he wouldn't have brought you here if it was just for medical curiosity. He really does think you're special, and he was right."

Still mildly upset from being referred to as Carlisle's new pet, I couldn't help but cling to Edward's words as he agreed that I was special. I shook my head, _Quit it Gwen, stop thinking such foolish things, you're going to ruin this. For God sakes he can read your mind._

"It's alright. I just want to stay in one place for awhile, as long as it isn't a hospital or orphanage," I whispered, staring blankly at the walls. I shouldn't have brought up either place. I didn't want to talk about my mistaken diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome, nor my less than climactic days at the orphanages. It was getting even later and a yawn escaped my mouth. That yawn betrayed my intentions because I honestly wanted to stay up all night talking with Edward.

"You really should get some sleep you know." It didn't take a mind reader for him to tell I was exhausted. I was certain dark circles were forming under my droopy eyes.

"I would, but I usually read in order to fall asleep." I suddenly became aware of the embarrassing collection of books in my backpack lying on the floor.

"If you want you could read till you fall asleep and I'll listen to my music."

Today was unbelievable. First, I was moving in with a new family. Second, a few of those family members had strange and unexplainable gifts such as mind reading. Third, and most importantly, a boy was hanging with me in my room at midnight and asking if he could stay till I fell asleep; a really good-looking boy at that.

"Sure, yeah I guess that will work," I said as I hopped off the bed to grab a book from my backpack. When I turned around to return to the bed, Edward was gone and the door to my room was hanging open.

I didn't even hear him leave. I must have scared him off with my acceptance to his proposal. Maybe he was just being courteous by offering in the first place. In a flash, all my doubt was erased, as he came strolling back into my room with a bulky cassette player and headphones in his hand. I decided the best thing to do was not change into pajamas, especially since Edward was still fully dressed. I crawled up onto the left side of the bed with my book, and used the light from the bedside lamp to begin reading. Edward sat up against the pillow and headboard on the right side of the bed and put his head phones on.

I only made it through ten minutes of reading before I was on the verge of complete drowsiness, and I couldn't bring myself to stay awake. I was still surprised about how the situation with Edward was not awkward in the least. It was like we were old friends or, dare I say, an old married couple going about our nightly routine before going to bed. Before falling asleep, I wanted to share my gratitude for Edward's kindness, but I didn't want to disturb him. Instead I just thought to myself about how grateful I was; grateful for this house, for Carlisle, for this bedroom, and especially for Edward's apparent effort at friendship.

Just as I was drifting to sleep and my eyelids fell heavily, I heard Edward whisper, "You're welcome." I rolled my eyes because I knew not even his music was blocking out my thoughts; what a cheater!

I awoke in the middle of the night still fully dressed, but with the comforter pulled over my body. My book was lying on the bedside table and the light had been turned off. I rolled over to my side not knowing what to expect. Edward was not there and the door to my room was tightly shut. I drifted back to sleep.


	3. Where Is My Mind

**3. Where Is My Mind**

GPOV

In the morning when I awoke, I expected to open my eyes to the awful fluorescent light bulbs of the hospital. To my delight, last night was not a dream and I was all cozy in my very own bed. Everything would have been perfect, if it hadn't been for the weather. Outside was all doom and gloom. The sky was dark and filled with clouds like it was about to storm.

I groggily crawled out of bed deciding it would be best to change out of yesterday's clothes before heading to breakfast. Then it hit me, this really wasn't the hospital. What if breakfast wasn't served at 9:30? What if they were all downstairs eating like one big happy family without me? Either they had begun eating without me or were waiting patiently. I was nervous either way. I headed downstairs to the kitchen and nothing was like I expected. Jasper and Alice were sitting on the couch watching TV, while Esme ushered me into the kitchen. The others were nowhere to be seen. The kitchen was still immaculately clean; a sanctuary for anyone suffering from OCD. I was certain no one had ever ate in this kitchen before

"Gwen, hun, I apologize for not having your breakfast for you. We don't usually eat at home, so I can't claim any skills as a decent chef."

Relief; so I was right, these people are the take-out type. "That's okay, I'm easy to please. I can just eat some cereal." I tried to sound convincing, even though what I really wanted was my temporary family all surrounding me at the kitchen table, chomping down on delicious pancakes. A girl could dream. I guess I was being a bit overzealous to think this situation would play out like a fairytale, or at least a really cheesy soap opera.

Esme sweetly showed me to the cabinet that was stocked with every kind of cereal imaginable. Not one box had been opened yet. These people really went out of their way to provide me with any possible choice of cereal I might want. Little did they know I was used to receiving the same crap from the hospital cafeteria daily; this was like a magnificent buffet of cereal.

Sitting down on the barstool in the kitchen, I began to eat my food. After the second bite I noticed I was still in Esme's company and I should probably be polite and attempt to converse in between bites.

"So where is everyone else this morning?" I asked knowing it was too dismal outside for them to be doing anything overly adventurous.

She seemed kind of startled when I asked. "Oh, like I said Gwen, we usually eat out so…they are eating out this morning." She smiled gently.

I heard a huge burst of laughter coming from Jasper's mouth in the living room. Seeing my confused expression, Esme appeared concerned.

"Not funny, Jasper," she retorted, scolding him for laughing. I was sure I was missing some sort of inside joke. After a few seconds Alice glided gracefully into the kitchen and took a spot standing next to Esme on the other side of the counter. This was probably a good thing, that she kept her distance from me. She was by far the most unreadable of the whole bunch. Her reaction to my hug scared me and I still didn't understand her gift, whether it was real or how it worked. She was my main reason for uneasiness in this house. Apparently, Alice thought I was going to steal their powers. This wasn't some epic battle of sorcery. I wouldn't know how to go about stealing bubblegum, let alone someone's so-called powers that I still deny actually exist.

"Oh come on Esme, it was a bit funny you have to admit," Alice responded, chiding Esme's remark towards Jasper.

I was still completely clueless as to what their conversation was referring to. I wondered if it would always be like this; feeling like I was on the outside of a constant barrage of inside jokes and family traditions that would never be mine. I continued slurping at the milk in the bottom of my bowl before realizing how impolite I appeared. I heard the sliding glass door behind me open. I turned and gazed upon Edward, Carlisle, Rosalie and Emmett, damp from the drizzling rain, as they entered the back door. They all looked satisfied, like their breakfast had been fit for a king. Just as Edward walked behind my chair I leaned back, accidentally bumping him with my shoulder.

In that moment time could have froze or sped up infinitesimally so that reality was a complete black hole. The second Edward and I briefly touched, horrific images flooded my mind. What I could make out of the visions sent my heart into a panic. I jumped from my chair knocking over what was left of my breakfast and I sprinted as fast as my non-athletically inclined legs would carry me to my room. I don't know why I didn't run for the front door. I just went to the safest place I knew.

Edward walked briskly after me yelling, "Wait, NO!"

I screamed back in between panting breaths, "Stay the hell away from me...you…you monster!" I slammed the door shut behind me and locked the door handle, desperately searching for more locks. I felt the need for more protection than the measly brass lock was giving me.

My head and heart were not coming to terms with what I saw Edward thinking. It was him playing out the events of the entire morning in his head. I couldn't believe what I thought I saw. Edward was leaning over a dead deer biting at its neck while two other dead animals lay beyond him surrounded by Carlisle, Rosalie, and Emmett. When Edward looked up from the deer his mouth was dripping with blood and he let out a smirk at the others. This had to be another sick joke the Cullens were playing on me. First mind reading, then visions of the future, now…I don't know, I didn't even have a word for it. Overzealous carnivores who really liked their meat rare?

"Gwen, open the door we need to talk!" Edward firmly stated into the door. I almost felt his words penetrate me through the wood.

"Go away Edward, all of you go away. What are these sick mind games you guys are playing with me? I saw what you did or what you're pretending to think you did."

"You mean what we do," he said it flatly with the most serious tone I had heard him use yet.

"Stop it, that's not funny. I'm no vegetarian, but this joke isn't even funny."

"You bumped into me remember, is it my fault you can see my thoughts?"

"That's not the point. Explain to me what I just saw before I call the police."

There was silence for a few moments. I can't believe I had just made a threat to call the police on my new family. Making the best impression was obviously not my forte, but they were not making it any easier.

"I'll only explain if you let me in." It sounded more like him making a demand than asking for permission. At that moment I only wanted to see or speak with Esme. She seemed like the only normal trustworthy one in the bunch. Even though I still couldn't get over the idea of a mother not being able to cook.

Some part of me must have still felt safe around Edward because of the night before. Suddenly I found my left hand touching the doorknob beginning to un-lock it. I held it open only a few inches and peered out the door. I didn't know if I was expecting to see the Cullen's golden eyes staring at me with anger and disappointment, but to my relief it was just Edward. It was just Edward in all his gorgeousness, even though right then I was angry beyond belief with him.

"I'm only letting you in because I want an apology and an explanation, then I want you to leave." I was putting my foot down, even though I was already weak around him. He could have commanded anything of me and I probably would have acquiesced, just because I didn't have the guts to say no to someone so beautiful.

"You have my word." He slid his pale long fingers through the crack of the door and pulled it open enough for him to enter my room.

Quickly walking over to the bed; I wanted some distance between him and I. I wasn't about to allow anymore accidental bumping into one another so he could fill my head with redundant delusions of his family ravaging an innocent group of forest animals.

"I'd prefer to have this conversation verbally. I'm not too interested in your thoughts right now. Especially since they are obviously quite unreliable." I looked away from him so he'd know how annoyed I was. I sat on the bed, infuriated.

Since I had already accepted in my head that everything I had seen in his visions were complete bull crap, I was more frustrated than terrified, like earlier when I embarrassingly ran away from my adoptive family.

He put on his serious face and looked like he wanted to shake me so I'd believe whatever he was about to say. "What if what you saw was real? What if I am a monster?"

I can't believe this is how he was beginning the discussion. I didn't want to oblige him by having a discussion involving the sick fantasy world he came up with. "Spare me the crap Edward. I may have been in the loony bin, I may have been called and labeled a lot of things, but I'm not crazy enough to believe what I saw. So let's quit with the semantics and get real."

Frustrated he rolled his eyes at me. "I am being real Gwen, as real as I was about mind reading, as real as Alice is about seeing the future. What you saw, does it scare you?"

"I don't know what I saw!" I shouted back at him. Both of us knew what I saw.

"Yes you do, just say it out loud. Stop denying what you saw me thinking about."

"I will not say it out loud. You're just trying to make me seem crazy for some unknown reason." I wanted him gone immediately. He wasn't playing nicely and I was positive this boy was not my friend.

"Say it!" He shouted back equally as loud.

"Fine, you want me to play along here it goes!" I submitted in scarlet anger. "I saw you and the others out in the forest. You were leaning over dead animals, like you were eating them. Like some impromptu BBQ except the meat was rare; very rare. Because you were biting that poor animals neck and you didn't seem remotely apologetic. And, judging from the way you all looked when you walked in the door, if this actually did happen, you aren't sorry at all."

As the words fumed out of my mouth I knew how crazy I sounded. For that, I couldn't stand Edward. All he had done since I met him was make me feel like a complete nut job. It's so funny how things work out. I'm the crazy one for being quiet and reading an excessive amount of fairytale novels, yet my doctor's family were the ones who needed therapy. Complete whack jobs.

"You're not crazy and you're right we're not sorry because it's the better alternative." It was like he was pleading with me to understand. But none of it made any sense especially the "better alternative" part. What… a better alternative to cooking your food before you eat it? This argument did not suffice for me. I needed real answers.

Edward began pacing back and forth in my room, running his long fingers through his hair, looking distraught. I could tell he was trying to figure out how to word his next remarks. He was trying to explain something to me that I could never understand or accept.

He should have given me more credit than that. I already accepted that he could read minds. I also accepted that for some reason he was able to share his gift with me. Which I didn't mind much up until this morning's incident.

"I don't know how to explain this to you. I don't know how you'll react. I have to protect my family. This is the easiest way to do it." Just as he finished his sentence he stopped pacing and pulled me into a confining hug. I was completely enveloped in his arms and he was squeezing tightly so that I couldn't escape. I took in his amazingly sweet scent just before the images came.

My thoughts were bombarded with awful images, followed by images that explained the prior images. Every member of his family was involved in the debauchery. It was horrific and completely out of touch with reality. I felt my self begin to shake in Edward's embrace as my eyes remained tightly shut letting image after image flutter through my mind. Since we were touching, I'm sure he knew just how alarmed I was, but he kept his embrace tight, letting more and more thoughts flow between us.

I pulled back frantically and almost fell onto the bed. Barely remaining in the upright position, I was speechless.

"It's not real!" I gasped. His lips parted to speak. I interrupted. "It's absolutely not real. Stop thinking such horrible things about your family. I don't even know what I've just seen, but it's all bad. It's evil." I knew this would be my last day at the Cullens. There's no way I was going to get to stay with them after referring to them as "evil."

He looked down at his shoes shaking his head in disappointment. I really didn't care that he was disappointed. Believing what I just saw was like accepting the earth was flat again.

"You of all people should believe!" he spat out.

"Oh and why is that?" I screeched incredulously. "Because I'm the loony house pet?"

"No Gwen, because everything about you is inclined to believe in this stuff. Look at all the books you read. You don't question them at all," he pointed out.

"Yeah, and I don't question them because I don't accept them either. They are fantasy Edward. I don't even have a word for what you're claiming to be."

He snatched my wrist in his for a brief moment. Why couldn't he just say it out loud?

"Vampire?" I bellowed over laughing. I was seriously dizzy from how much my stomach ached, I was laughing so hard.

Edward was staring at me angrily and impatiently. That look only said one thing, _Believe me. _

"You should believe me, I'm not lying to you and I never will. I'm taking a big risk in telling you this. I didn't even plan to this soon. But you just bumped into me at the wrong time."

"So, this was all my fault?" I was moving past the word Vampire because there was no reason to acknowledge such silliness. Now I was just upset he was putting the blame on me. I would have gladly accepted it if he had just cracked a smile for me.

"Gwen, if I have to hold you in my arms all night and let you see for yourself, every inch of my families past I will. I didn't make up what you saw. We were having breakfast just like you!" He let out a quiet laugh.

The argument had gone on way too long for this all to be a joke. I did bump into Edward and he would have had no reason to be contrived with his thoughts when it happened. This meant only one thing: either Edward was crazy or what he was thinking about really did happen.

I gasped and for the first time in the conversation really took in what he was saying. I slowly began stepping backwards away from him. In my bookworm days I had come across a few novels here and there about vampires. All the sudden my heart was pounding with fear and all I could see were flashes of blood and fangs, people in black capes creeping in the night, and most importantly, dead humans. Humans like me.

"My family is different. We won't hurt you. We only live off the blood of animals," He spoke the words softly as if not to frighten me from my almost catatonic state.

My lips were trembling, "What I saw was real? You really ate those deer?"

"Yes, what you saw was us hunting. I'm so sorry. I never intended for you to have to see that. I know it paints us in a horrible light."

Once again I used humor as a coping mechanism. "Very bad table manners," I whispered staring deeply into the palms of my hands as I picked nervously at my fingernails.

There it was, Edward's perfect smile shining back at me. He was reading my mind and knew exactly what I meant by the joke.

Smiling cheek to cheek he replied, "No table, it doesn't count!"

I let out the most girlish giggle I have ever heard escape my traitorous mouth.

"Tonight is going to be a long night. You know that right?" I was being as courageous as possible in toying with the idea that the Cullens really might be vampires. That perhaps the line between fantasy and reality was blurred more than I had ever considered.

My only security in accepting that idea was that Edward promised they wouldn't hurt me, and I believed him.

Perhaps I had courage because I was distracted by all the questions running through my head at that very moment. Maybe I had courage because I had nothing to lose. There was so much more I wanted to know and understand, but I knew what I had to do first. I had to face the rest of the family.

Edward put his arm over my shoulder like some big protective brother. "Don't worry, you're taking this better than they expected."

I grinned up at him and let him lead me back downstairs to face the music. All I could think as we headed down the steps was _Where is my mind?_


	4. In Circles

**4. In Circles**

GPOV

The Cullens were all sitting down in the living room, making valiant efforts to appear relaxed. I was not fooled. I felt like I was meeting them all over again, but it was different then the first night. They had much more to lose this time. If they really were vampires, they had every reason to fear I'd go to the police. If it wasn't true and they were just pretending; I could have them all committed, even Carlisle.

For some reason, I now felt like I had the upper hand over the entire family. It gave me the courage to speak first.

"So, looks like I'm not the only one with an interesting past." I was being too bold. Nonetheless, Esme and Carlisle were still adults. I was in no position to be curt with them. It kept slipping from my mind that these people might be vampires. If that was the case, my sassy attitude could result in my eminent demise and judging from Rosalie's look, she wouldn't oppose.

Edward spoke convincingly. It was like I was his girlfriend from the wrong side of the tracks and he was trying to convince them not to write me off immediately.

"She doesn't know everything yet, but she will. I don't know if she has fully accepted it either. But I know she is not going to put our family in harm's way." He gave me a reassuring nudge and he glared at Rosalie as if telling her to come down from her high horse.

"He's right. I don't fully know what to believe anymore, but I won't bring you any harm. Just promise not to eat me." I tried to smile. I was hoping for at least one small laugh from any of them, but it was dead silence. My humor was doing nothing for the intensity of the situation.

Carlisle smiled and then nodded at me. "Gwen, I believe you. Please have a seat."

Edward sat down next to me; we were no longer touching. I really appreciated the big brother act he was pulling by literally and metaphorically taking my side. I didn't think seven vampires vs. one human was very fair, so I was glad for his company on my side of the room.

Carlisle continued as if he were the spokesperson not only for his family, but all vampires. "I knew since the day we met that you were different."

Emmett interrupted boldly, "Different isn't the word! We can't smell you."

Before Carlisle could respond or glare at Emmett for so rudely interrupting the peace making, I choked out, "Will someone please tell me what the deal is with you smelling me?" I sat crossed legged with my arms folded over my chest like a small child in time out. I wanted an answer to that question in the very least because it had been bothering me ever since I met Dr. Cullen.

"We have very strong senses, one being our sense of smell. Just like we can track our prey from scent we also can smell humans."

Rosalie hissed, "Yea, and humans smell as equally tasty." She smirked.

Esme once again chided her, "Enough Rosalie!"

"What Rosalie means is we can smell humans just like animals. Sometimes it makes our task of self-control difficult, but we persevere. I don't know why Gwen, but you have no scent. I have never met any other human in my long life that doesn't have a scent." Carlisle looked fascinated by his own remarks.

Emmett snorted, "It's completely weird; you have no idea."

"Gee, thanks," I thought. I'm the weird one, even in a household of vampires. I felt like dropping the issue of me having no scent because I didn't really care, it wasn't affecting my life in any way. I made a tangent in the discussion, in order to get an answer to a question I was wondering since the word "vampire" settled into my curiosity.

"You said long life; exactly how long are we talking?" I was sweating bullets awaiting someone's response.

Everyone's serious faces turned to amusement. As each second passed I began to feel younger and younger. I don't know what number I was expecting to hear.

Carlisle answered first, "I'm 324 years old," he said it without flinching, probably waiting for my scream. I should have been thinking a million other things, but all I could concentrate on was the screaming thought, _how the hell old is Edward?_

"We've all been around awhile, but we do not age physically." He didn't answer my question exactly, but I knew it was all I was getting out of him for now. That was unless I reached my finger over to touch his arm, then I'd know exactly how old he was. I didn't want to be rude. I couldn't abuse what Edward and I shared; partially out of fear of losing it and losing him.

The not-aging thing made perfect sense. They all appeared frozen in time, and were stunning each in their own right. If Carlisle really had been around that long, I had so many questions for him. I wanted to know about everything he had seen and done. I wanted to hear from all of them. I was itching to hear about each of their individual histories, what they've experienced, and how the hell they ended up in the suburbs of Seattle.

I wanted to seem mature, like I could handle anything they threw at me. I needed the basics of what to expect. "Can you give me the basics of how this all works? I don't want to step on anyone's toes while I'm here."

Emmett barreled over laughing, "Yeah, don't mess up or you'll be dinner!" His thunderous laugh filled the room. I would have laughed, but part of me didn't know Emmett well enough to know if he was joking or not, if any of them were joking. Rosalie snickered into his embrace. They were like bullies on the playground at school. It was not fair, but I'd take each blow if it meant learning more about their fascinating family; if it meant getting to stay and keep my room, and of course most importantly seeing Edward.

"Don't mind Emmett, he thinks he's the funniest thing since Charlie Chaplin," Alice chirped. That was the second time I heard Alice speak since our incident and her Chaplin reference let me know just how old they really were.

She continued, "Well, first off as you know we don't age. However old we were when we turned, that's how old we stay."

Edward interjected, "And I know it seems like Rosalie must have been turned at the age of 10 but she really is 17." I laughed and sent an apologetic glance towards her direction. I didn't yet know Rosalie's wrath and I didn't want her to dislike me anymore than she already did.

"We also don't eat like you," Jasper exclaimed. This was the explanation for the immaculate kitchen and all the un-opened food in the pantry. "We hunt regularly to satiate our thirst, but only animals. We're not like others of our kind; we don't feed on the blood of humans."

All I heard was "others" and "blood of humans." I instantly knew their family really was different and had I been encountering any others of their kind, I might have already been breakfast.

"We also don't explode in the sunlight, though we do have to remain in the shade; hence the reason for us living in such rainy places. Our last home was in Alaska. Sometimes there are endless days of no sunlight. It's like Christmas for us." Emmett smiled flashing his shiny white teeth, enjoying the moment of letting me in on all the family secrets.

"We don't all have specific gifts like Alice, Edward, and Jasper, but we all have our abilities. All of us are extremely fast and unimaginably strong." Carlisle warned that they had to be responsible and careful with their strengths.

I felt like I was reading the hitchhikers guide to vampires. It was like they were reciting the basics out of an encyclopedia. Everything sounded so matter of fact I couldn't dispute any of it. I was surprisingly very accepting of every word. I should have been terrified and in disbelief, but I sat calmly on the couch next to Edward. Maybe I was crazy, but not in the way the doctors thought. Crazy in that I was so susceptible to believing in fantasy worlds and apparently able to cope with the idea of vampires as family members.

Esme stood up and walked behind the couch I was sitting on. She placed her hands on both my shoulders. They felt very cool, almost chilly. She spoke in that soft mothering "I can't cook at all" voice of hers. "In time Gwen, should you choose to stay, you will learn all about us. There is much more to learn. We could sit here for days trying to explain our ways and lifestyle, but I think the best thing to do is learn as you go."

"Yes," Carlisle insisted. "It's been a very long morning for all of us and I think you should spend time thinking over what we've discussed. None of us will be offended if you choose to leave. We know this isn't what you signed up for and we don't expect you to accept us if you don't want to. I just want to remind you, that you pose no threat to us and we pose none to you."

I tried to choose my words carefully so that if I decided while lying in bed tonight, that I wasn't crazy enough to live with these people I could jet. "I think for now I can handle it. Thank you for your honesty. I think I'm going to go upstairs now."

Edward turned to me probably having read my mind, "Want some company?" I nodded in reply.

As Edward followed me up the stairs I realized I had never seen inside Edward's room. Actually, I had never seen inside any of the Cullen's bedrooms except my own.

"Want to hang in your room today?" I suggested trying to look angelic and convincing.

He appeared nervous, "Um, sure why not." He led me down a long hallway to his room and unlocked the door. I should have known by the fact that these people locked their doors inside their house that something strange was going on behind closed doors.

When the door swung open, I was mesmerized by the tiny room with rows upon rows of music and books lining the walls. The room was white with huge windows letting in what little light the weather permitted. It was messy and looked like some tortured artist or author with writer's block was living in the space. My eyes scanned the room quickly again. There was a sofa, table, and a chair, but no bed. I was entirely perplexed. Where the hell did Edward sleep? Did they give me his bed or something?

"No bed huh? What do you hang upside down from the ceiling and sleep like a bat?"

He let out a deep roar of a laugh. "Gwen, I don't sleep. We all don't. Ever."

This was definitely part of the basics that they all had forgotten to mention downstairs. I wondered how many other things I had yet to find out that would shock me. At least the worst of the shock was over. The Cullen's were indeed vampires. There was no use in fighting it, might as well wrap my head around the idea sooner or late.

Edward continued in a soft spoken voice, while running his fingers through his silky hair. "The only room in this house with a bed is yours. Alice and Esme went out especially to buy it when they heard of your arrival. I've never seen Alice get so excited over something as stupid as bed shopping."

I made a mental note to thank them both later. I don't think I would have lasted long sleeping on the floor or a couch. Between the food, the bedroom, and the complete unloading of what I'm sure were highly guarded secrets, the Cullens were really going out of their way for me.

I began looking around the room for family photos. I don't know why, but I was curious to see if there were any baby photos or maybe pictures of them living in Alaska. Then it struck me like an apple being dropped on my head. They're vampires claiming to be adopted kids. For all I knew, none of them were who they said they were or actually came to be in the Cullen family like I previously understood.

I plopped myself down on the couch, probably making myself more at home in Edward's room than I should have. He must have approved, because he joined me by sitting on the floor across from me with his back to the bookcase and his legs pulled up to his chest.

"So you gotta give me the real story. How'd you all end up here? Or are there special adoption agencies for baby vampires?" I let out a flirty smile.

He smiled back with his perfect lips and shook his head in amusement. I was glad Edward enjoyed my humor. The more jokes I cracked, the more human I felt again. The hospital made me feel like a walking corpse. Nobody smiled and certainly no one joked around.

"Well, what Carlisle told you about finding Jasper and Alice in a diner one night is true. The only thing is they weren't on the run because they were young lovers. They were both members of another Coven who weren't too interested in living a lifestyle without human blood. Both of them felt it was wrong and decided to leave. They were wandering from city to city until one of Alice's visions led them to the diner. That's when Carlisle found them and they've been like family ever since."

Alice's visions; I had almost forgot. I had to know how her gift worked. Who wouldn't want to know the future? "How does Alice's gift work?"

"Alice's visions of the future are entirely subjective. Don't think they are set in stone by any means. If someone makes a different decision, the vision will change. The future is always changing." The way he said it sounded like he was trying to tell me something more than what he was actually saying. I felt like he was trying to warn me.

"Esme said Jasper had a gift as well. Please tell me he can fly!" I gave Edward the cheesiest smile I could muster.

"Like a bat out of hell," he joked, rolling his eyes. "No, none of us can fly, but Jasper has the ability to control or alter other's emotions. When you first met him you felt a sudden calmness overcome you. I remember hearing your thoughts. That was just Jasper working a little first-time-jitters magic on you."

The more Edward talked and explained everything about his family, the more insignificant and un-special I felt. Carlisle was wrong; I was not special. He had an entire litter of special kids, but I was not one of them.

"You're wrong!" Edward spat almost angrily.

"I'm not wrong and get out of my head. It's so rude." I kept forgetting that he can hear all my thoughts, even when we weren't touching. It wasn't fair. I wanted to handcuff our hands together, so then we would always be even. What's mine is yours and what's yours is mine. I liked that thought a little too much.

He looked annoyed that I was still disputing his claim. "You haven't seen what Alice has. You don't know what's coming." He slapped his hand over his mouth and stopped himself from finishing his thoughts.

"What's coming?" "I demand to know." If you don't tell me I will tackle you and get it out of you; just one touch. We'll see if you're fast enough to get away!" I made my threat as if it had any weight to it.

"You have know idea how fast I am," he respond slyly with the most cocky and sexy look in his eyes I have ever seen. I felt my cheeks warm and I was sure they were flushed pink.

"Don't toy with me bat boy; I demand an explanation." I began rising to my feet to let him know I meant business. "Fine, I'll just go ask Alice!"

Before I could turn my head toward the door, I heard a whoosh of air and there Edward was, blocking the door. I blinked my eyes repeatedly trying to make sure they weren't playing tricks on me. "How…how did you do that?" I asked in disbelief.

"I told you lady, I'm fast." He slid his back down the door and resumed his sitting position. I liked it too much when he referred to me as "lady," in the sassy "I'll show you" tone that he used.

I decided to try another approach, because obviously making demands didn't work with Edward. He was quicker, stronger, and had the upper hand when it came to giftedness. "Please Edward, I think I have the right to know what Alice saw; especially if it concerns me." When the words left my mouth I recoiled for a moment. I wasn't sure I wanted to know what was going to happen to me. Right now an unpredictable future sounded just as good as a predictable one. I had never known my future and look where it had led me.

"I don't know if it's my place Gwen. I think it's a lot for one day. I don't want to scare you." He paused a moment then added, "I don't want you to leave either." I knew then it must have been really bad. I didn't go running when I found out the whole family was a vampire coven, so it must have been bad if he thought it would send me running after all that.

"Just give it to me straight, Ace." Once again I wanted to sound bold and confident. If I was going to hang with the Cullens, I needed to be prepared for anything.

He dug his long fingers into the carpet below us and squeezed tightly as if what he were about to say might cause both of us physical pain. "Alice doesn't see you aging."

"What?" I yelled incredulously.

"Carlisle and I have discussed it. It's part of what she saw the first time you hugged her. We don't fully understand it, which is why I didn't want to discuss it with you, but you're right you do have the right to know this."

"You mean I will never get old?" My hands were shaking at the impossibility. I mean, I had liked the way I looked at seventeen, but I didn't think I wanted to stay this awkward shell of myself forever. Eternal youth was one thing, but eternally seventeen was a whole other.

"If you stay with us, yes, you will never age. We have also deduced that it has nothing to do with touching us. For some reason you will just absorb our youth being around us."

I felt like cotton was shoved down my throat and I couldn't speak. My mouth was dry and I desperately needed water. I was so flabbergasted by our discussion. Then it hit me; if I did age, I would grow old while the Cullens remained frozen in time. They would watch me grow old and eventually die. I shuddered at the thought and fought back the upset feeling building in the pit of my stomach.

"Alice sees you being with us a long time Gwen, but you'll be seventeen always, just like we appear to be. You have the right to know and deserve the chance to walk away. We won't take your life from you, in any way."

"What do you mean taking my life from me? I think you have it backwards. You're giving me life, hell, eternity!" I shouted the words excitedly still not knowing if this meant I had made my decision.

"No, you have it backwards. Don't you understand, you stay with us and you watch the world around you change completely? Everyone you know will die and everything around you will change entirely."

His remark might have made a difference in my decision except that I had nothing to live for.

"Edward, I don't have anyone to watch die. And everything around me has already changed." My tone softened and I dropped my head staring into the carpet trying to hide the despair that was seeping out of my eyes. I was accepting how true that statement really was and my decision was already made for me.

"I'm staying as long as you will have me." I probably should have stated "as long as you all will have me," but deep down I meant it how I said it. Something was blossoming between Edward and me. I didn't know what, or how to pin point the emotions, because I had never experienced anything like this before. For all I knew it could just be friendship. Especially, since I never had a friend to know what that was like, but something instinctual told me it was more.

"There's more Gwen."

I jumped at his remark, thinking he had read my mind again.

I rolled my eyes I knew there had to be a catch. "What, I'm going to grow horns for an eternity spent with the Cullen clan?" Horns I could deal with. Going back to my boring old life after all I had learned today was impossible.

"Carlisle and I can't be for sure until some time starts to pass, but we don't know exactly what you're capable of. You have no scent and that concept is entirely unknown to us. Also, you're absorption abilities are beyond our knowledge. Besides Alice seeing you stop aging, we don't know what else you'll become capable of. You may be able to fully absorb or take on other's powers without touching them. Perhaps all it takes is being around them. We really can't say; this is all new to us as well."

His half-ass explanation suddenly made me feel powerful, like I had an entire life of mystery awaiting me. I didn't even care if this meant I was the Cullen's new pet. I wanted to learn all about my potential future and even more so I wanted to fulfill it.

I had hundreds more questions, but I didn't feel like asking any more.

I spent the rest of the afternoon gladly cooped up in Edward's room. We went through all of his music and he promised to make me some mix tapes. Edward told me plenty of stories from all throughout his life. I lazily sprawled out across his floor on my stomach, listening to him carefully as he told each story watching his lips move back and forth. His voice was electric and his body animated as he recalled each detail of his past. I sat listening in amazement, like I was given the opportunity to listen to some great orator. He even managed to stay out of my head all afternoon, at least to my knowledge.

I learned all about Carlisle's history and how his family came to fruition. I thought the story of how he and Esme came to be was completely enthralling, like a Jane Austen novel. I just imagined how alive he must have felt after turning her and knowing he had found someone to spend eternity with. It all sounded so romantic and not near as gruesome as Edward tried to make it sound. Boys always focused on the gore.

Edward elaborated for me on each member of his family's history. By now, I had completely missed lunch and my stomach was growling fiercely. Edward, like the others, had a keen sense of hearing. He demanded we continue our conversation after getting me some lunch. I threw myself together a sandwich and pleaded to reconvene immediately in his room.

Even though I was already developing distaste for Rosalie, hers and Emmett's story were by far the most baffling. I couldn't imagine flawless, dainty, Rosalie carrying Emmett back to Carlisle after the bear attack. Edward tried to explain to me that Rosalie's careless words were un-warranted. Rosalie was the only Cullen who deeply regretted who she was and hadn't come to terms with it. "She's only jealous because you have what she wants. She wants her life back. She's also probably jealous that I can be so close with a human and she doesn't have that."

Once again my heart pounded loudly at his words. He said "that I can be so close with a human." He didn't mention anything about his family. It was like he was already staking claim on the scent-less human. I was glad to oblige his greediness. My head was spinning in circles with the intoxicating idea of Edward and I being so close.

I had yet to discuss my deep-seeded curiosity about Alice with Edward, might as well since we were being honest. A part of me felt like the honesty, the magic that was this entire situation, could cease at any moment. I was greedy for more.

"Do Alice's visions occur randomly or only pertain to certain things?" Even though he had been honest all day, I felt like I needed to walk on egg shells when questioning anything about Alice; especially since my motives were sort of selfish. I wanted to know all about what she saw happening to me in the future, about what I was going to be capable of, and most selfishly where Edward's and my future lay.

I knew I was being anxious and jumping to hopeful conclusions about where all this might lead, but I couldn't ignore the instinctual feeling in the pit of my stomach. It was so strong, like it was burning a hole right through me. I had never had a boyfriend, let alone a first kiss. For some reason every time I looked at Edward I was practically staring as his perfect lips and wanting to run my fingertip across them. They were soft looking and inviting. Even though his body was cold and hard as stone, something about those lips drove me mad.

"Like I said, her visions are subjective and entirely dependent upon people's decisions. The majority of the time she plays a key role in our family. Her visions are important when it comes to leading us to the next city we live in. She also has a knack for playing the stock market, which provides for this lavish and bed-less house you now reside in." He chuckled.

"Why does Alice get to have the say in where you guys live?" I sounded more disappointed than I actually intended. I just really wanted to understand her. Something was telling me this girl had a lot bigger role in the family, than she was letting on with her nearly consistent silence.

"Alice's role is very serious. She can see the future and that is a huge responsibility. It's very easy to become selfish or toy with things you shouldn't when you have that kind of power. We have all put our deepest trust in her to lead our family in the right direction; to whatever city is the safest and most beneficial to our family. She has never led us wrong," he spoke of her like she was the matriarch of the family which only proved my previous thoughts correct.

Instantly I knew I had to become as close with Alice as possible. I wanted to touch her and share her visions more than I wanted Edward to stop reading my thoughts. If my or should I say, my and Edward's future lay inside her tiny head, I had to get inside. I needed to know as badly as my lungs needed oxygen. She was the key to figuring this all out. As long as I became best friends with Alice and infiltrated her heart with good intentions of course she would never lead me wrong. I wanted Alice to take me in whatever direction was best for me.

Alice's role in the family made her a utilitarian. She had to do what was best for everyone not just me; especially what was best for the Cullens. I'm sure watching out for the well being of vampires made things all the more difficult for her. I wanted to respect her for playing this role she didn't ask for. I wanted her to like me and more so trust me. I did want what was best for the Cullens; what was best for Edward. If I couldn't get to Alice's visions and find some help in understanding my future then I would just have to get to Edward myself.

Never in my life had I been so driven. I was already unhealthily passionate about the task at hand. Since constantly being drugged up in the hospital and living nearly the entire beginning portion of my life in an anti-social coma; I was shocked by how much energy and determination was coursing through my veins, it was invigorating.

Well into the early evening, Edward and I lounged about his room chatting into oblivion. Though he kept a physical distance from me, the fact that he hadn't sent me out of his room yet or retreated in silence must have meant something good. When I told him I wanted to get some dinner, he offered to drive me in his car to a local diner.

Edward drove extremely fast and I enjoyed every minute of it. I felt like Bonnie and Clyde escaping from the police. He had his hand resting on the console and I had to fight back the biggest urge not to reach out and grab it. Everything about him tempted me to just reach out and touch him. It was definitely not about mind reading anymore. I just wanted to touch him for himself.

He watched me eat my dinner patiently at the café and even pulled out his wallet to pay, which was probably a good thing as I had no money to my name. I couldn't help but notice how he pulled out my chair and opened doors for me. He was being chivalrous and everything in my being told me chivalry meant one thing. He was feeling it too.

Strangers only fell this fast in fairytales, but there is always magic and that one thing that binds them to one another, for eternity. I would never have eternity without being around the Cullens, but now that I had it, I wasn't letting go. I had eternity to make Edward feel how I felt. I was never a patient person. I also had the upper hand now.

Edward couldn't be close to any other human but me. Everything was playing in my favor. Also, Edward didn't have to say it for me to know, but I knew he desperately wanted to be close to someone human. He might have missed that part of himself just as much as Rosalie.

When we arrived back at the Cullen residence, I begrudgingly walked towards my room and shut the door behind me. I didn't say goodnight to Edward for a reason. I had ultra high hopes. I did it with selfish intentions. I quickly changed into my pajamas that luckily weren't girly and embarrassing. Just as I began to unmake my bed, I heard once again a soft knock on the door. Victory! Victory screamed through my heart. I knew it was Edward. My plan was working.

I cracked the door slightly just like the first night; once again met with the stare of his deep golden eyes.

"You didn't say goodnight!" he spoke the words with an offended tone.

I tilted my head and crossed my arms, "That's because I'm not going to sleep yet," I said cockily. Never in my life had I been cocky. Edward was sparking a confidence in me that I never thought existed.

I slowly opened the door and leaned against the doorway in the most seductive way sweat pants and a t-shirt would allow me to look.

"Where's your music?" I questioned. "I've got my book." I winked at him. Holy crap I winked at him.

I was making the invitation to routine. I had no idea what kind of reaction I was going to get from my bold remark. I held my breath waiting for his response. Then a sly smile crept across his stunning face as he pulled his walkman out from his pocket. He walked confidently into my room and shut the door behind us.

As I made my way back to the bed, I was flooded with thoughts of what Carlisle and Esme were thinking. Did they already know about the first night we did this? Did they approve? Then it hit me like lightning. What if Carlisle intended for me to fill Edward's void. Everyone else in the house had a companion at night, whether they were sleeping or not, whatever it was that vampires do at night to keep themselves busy. Perhaps this was all some pre-meditated plan. I was glad to play my part.

Just like the night prior, Edward hopped up on one side of the bed with me on the opposite side. I began reading my book. I glanced over noticing the tiny wires of his headphones intertwining his chestnut hair and how Adonis-like his profile looked in the dim light of my room. His eyelids were shut gently and he seemed to be drifting away into his music, even though I knew he would never fall asleep.

Once again I awoke in the middle of the night to find my lamp turned off and my book neatly placed on my bedside table. That night I didn't roll over to see if he was there or not, because I honestly didn't care. For now, I'd take what I could get. My heart was enjoying the beginning of this routine all too much, but routine gave me hope. I closed my eyes again and fell asleep with a huge grin on my face.


	5. The World At Large

**5. The World At Large**

_(1979-2003) GPOV_

If I hadn't remained with the Cullens, my skin would now appear wrinkled and old. At the true age of 41, I still appeared youthful and dripping with the beauty of a seventeen year old. My hair was still silky and long. My eyes were still sparkling like the crystal, blue ocean. I had only grown more attractive since I stopped aging. After all this time I felt like I actually fit in the Cullen family portrait. Even though my fiery red hair still stands out in comparison, I look nothing like the fragile, meek girl who arrived at their door years ago. I was a whole new bold and confident Gwen, with a personality to match.

There was not a doubt in my mind, that I was Edward's equal. Our beauty rivaled one another. Our pale skin matched perfectly.

My time spent with the Cullens had been unimaginable. After living in Seattle for awhile longer we headed back to Alaska. We met up with another coven, which they had known since their prior residency there. By now, Carlisle had a better understanding of my development and every day I felt stronger, more powerful.

I had completely absorbed the Cullens' ability to not age, hence my beauty that remained intact if not enhanced. I had also mastered the ability to read other's minds without touching Edward. Everyone, even Rosalie, showed their excitement. All of us were equally fascinated by the entire situation.

I still had to be near him in order to leech off of his gift, but I felt I had conquered something the first day I was able to do it without him. Alice and I had grown extremely close over the years. She was my best friend and I confided in her about everything, almost everything, except my complete and utter devotion to her brother,

Edward.

For some reason I could not obtain her ability to have visions. It was entirely frustrating especially, since it was essential to my patient and drawn out plan of being with Edward.

Every night, since I first moved into the Cullen's home in Seattle, Edward stayed with me at night until I fell asleep. Some nights he would disappear, others he would stay all night reading books by flashlight and I'd see his shining face when I awoke in the morning.

It had been twenty-four long and wonderful years since I met Edward. Our daily routines were that of an old married couple and it gave me hope that I eagerly fed off of.

Though I enjoyed every moment spent with him, it was also torture. Both Edward and

Esme made a valiant effort at learning how to cook just for me. While the first few taste tests were brutal, they eventually caught on and Edward made an enjoyable daily habit of cooking for me.

He was my best friend and we knew everything about one another to the depths of our souls. We spent our days attached at one another's hips and at night he'd spend his endless days of vampire insomnia with me.

I felt sick to my stomach when he was gone for days on end hunting. He'd be away hunting with the family, but I was always elated to find him next to me in my bed the night he'd return.

He was the most faithful and loyal best friend anyone could ask for. He was there for me through all the crazy changes and lack of aging. He supported me when I felt like an outcast in the family. When I first learned I could read minds by just being around him, we made a mutual pact of respecting one another's thoughts.

I felt so compelled to be truthful with him, that I kept my promise and I was sure he did as well. Otherwise, he would know all about my ulterior motives and deep seeded feelings for him. Even though we kept the pact, I still hoped he slipped up and read my mind every now and then. Sometimes the way he looked at me, made me feel as if he knew exactly what I was thinking and he felt the same.

Our stay in Alaska caused friction, but he remained steadfast in his loyalty to me. Tanya,

a vampire from the other coven had feelings for Edward. It made me sick reading her mind. I wanted to slap her silly every time she thought of my Edward that way. I was helpless against her. She was faster and stronger. All I could do was try and persuade Edward to keep his distance from her. When he completely ignored her advances and stayed by my side, I was sure he felt the same as I did.

No one could break us up. Tanya may have had strength and power over me as well as many years of experience, but she didn't have what mattered most; a pulse. I was his connection to the human world, and as long as this ability to not age kept working, I was his. She couldn't fight that.

My favorite part about growing close with Edward was the physical closeness we developed. He and I would sit close to one another, our bodies barely touching, like it was nothing. When we nudged one another or playfully wrestled I felt electricity swarm across my body. Eventually he got over his fear that he would somehow break me. Whenever he wanted to get somewhere faster, he'd have me climb on his back and he'd take off running. It was exhilarating being close to him like that. I'd press my chest against his back so he could feel my heart racing with adrenaline from his speed.

Every now and then, at night, I would catch him touching the inside of my wrist with his finger tips, as he felt the rise and fall of my beating pulse. Eventually, I brought it up to him and told him I didn't mind. After that, it became a regular nightly occurrence.

I had experienced the awful music of the seventies with Edward and fought off Alice's requests for us to dress in the horrific fashion of the eighties. He and I were partners in crime against Alice's need to follow the trends. We both still loved our fifties music and dressed however we pleased.

For once, I had someone to share my musical interest with and Edward was equally as talented. After Jasper had heard our endless band practices, he surprised everyone with a talent of his own. He had the most stunning singing voice. His lyrics rolled off his tongue with a southern smoothness that could make any petticoat drop. It gave Alice and me chills every time we heard it. This is how the Cullen garage band came into existence. On warm summer nights we'd all sit outside on the back porch playing music, enjoying one another's endless company. Edward and I would strum away passionately on our guitars while Jasper brought life to each song with his poetic lyrics and awe inspiring voice.

Every time he sang I swore Alice fell deeper in love with him, if that was possible. Those nights were absolute bliss. It made me feel like we had all come full circle as a family and I was glad I had introduced a tradition into their lives. Even Rosalie had grown to enjoy our little jam sessions. She'd curl up on a chaise in between Emmett's legs, lying against his stomach. I even caught her smiling once. I couldn't ask for a better family or a better life.

The only annoying thing about not aging with the Cullens, was keeping up appearances.

The first of which, was attending high school over and over. They had explained to me it was all a part of the façade we had to keep up. Every four years we'd start high school again in a new place. It was horribly redundant. The one thing that made it painstakingly bearable was Edward always made sure we had the same schedule. Every day all the Cullen kids would eat lunch at the same table and receive the same whispers and stares from our fellow classmates.

If there was ever a sunny day we'd all be absent from school. The school bought the excuse that we were on regular family camping trips. I was sure Carlisle must have been bribing them somehow. Even though I could still attend school on those days, Esme and Carlisle played fair and allowed me to play hooky as well. It would have been miserable sitting at the lunch table all alone.

Alice's visions as well as mine and Edward's mind reading kept everything in check. If anyone ever got suspicious, we would catch it before anything terrible could happen. For the most part, people were too caught up in their own little worlds to care about how strange we all appeared. It also helped that everyday at lunch I was chowing down on food as opposed to my brothers and sisters. It made us appear more normal. I had met many boys since my journey with the Cullens, all of them paled in comparison to Edward's beauty.

Everyday after school, Edward would drive us home. The others rode in Rosalie's ostentatious vehicle, while it was just him and I in the shiny, silver Volvo. We would laugh and make fun of all the students whose thoughts we overheard that day. Especially, about the students who individually fancied Edward or me. We would take it as a compliment, laugh it off and go about our perfect harmony in one another's lives.

The past twenty-four years of my life were perfect, but still torture. My lips had not yet touched Edward's and neither of us had been entirely verbal about our feelings, or in my case affections. By then, I felt like one of the family. There was not a doubt in my mind this was where I was meant to be. I also felt like everyone viewed Edward and me as a thing, even though it wasn't official. They always addressed us like a pair and had grown accustom to our togetherness in everything we did.

If there was ever a fight or disagreement, they always knew we had each other's backs. If they knew where one of us was, they could easily assume the other was right by their side. They never once questioned Edward's nightly habit of staying in my room and they also never pushed us to declare what we were. I could appreciate them for that. Especially, since I didn't know what we were.

It's like we had been dancing around the issue for ages, but I made a personal vow not to push it. What Edward and I had was perfect and fragile. I was terrified to break it and lose everything. After twenty-four years of not wanting anyone or anything else, I had only accepted one future for myself. Someday Edward and I would pour our hearts out to one another and all this waiting would be worth it. I reminded myself that all the great writers made their lovers wait through trials and tribulations to be with one another. I accepted it and yet fought it daily. My heart and head were a complete mess. Some nights it was worse than others. I'd fight with my conscience to kick Edward out of my room at night. If I couldn't have him how I wanted him, I didn't want him at all. Then, I would reason with myself and roll over on my side to fall asleep leaving my wrist facing up awaiting Edward's touch.

I wanted Edward to introduce me at school as his girlfriend. I wanted our brother's and sisters to know we were companions just like them. I wanted Carlisle and Esme's blessing, not just their silence. I learned a long time ago about how becoming one of them works. I had even begun toying with the idea in my head. Maybe Edward would want me more if I was exactly like him. Maybe he didn't love my humanity as much as I thought.

Perhaps he was waiting for me to make my decision. I knew that if my ability to absorb youth ever wore off I'd be forced to make that decision. I wanted Edward with all of my being and I'd make whatever decision it took. I was sure as ever.

One particularly bitter cold afternoon, while in our Alaskan home; Alice called for a family meeting. I could always tell what was coming; it was the same as always. My heart was anxious every time Alice talked about something dealing with her visions.

She had a huge smile on her face, like she was about to announce we had just won the lottery. Not that any of us needed it. She said she had a vision about where our next home would be. She described the place and it sounded beautiful. Full of lush greenery and hunting lands, plus lot's and lot's of rain. All perfect conditions for my vampire family.

Our next home would be a small town called Forks, Washington; population 3,120. The population number alone worried me, but I deeply trusted Alice. Alice and I were almost as close as Edward and I. I trusted she would never lead me wrong. She would never lead my future on a path that would end up with me unhappy and without Edward.


	6. Smells Like Teen Spirit

**6. Smells Like Teen Spirit**

EPOV

August 17th, 2003

Another move, another town; the only thing that made this routine bearable was the fact that our family was in a really good place in our lives, partly in thanks to Gwen. She was the missing puzzle piece.

Everything about Gwen was perfection in my eyes. She was stunning the first day I met her and had only grown more beautiful since her decision to stay with us. Her eyes were a sparking blue in the monotonous sea of golden eyes that we Cullens bore.

She had long fiery red hair. Perhaps, my newly favorite part of her was the tattoo she got with me. I was pretty sure Alice was the only other one that knew. More than likely she had already spilled the beans to Jasper; she couldn't keep anything from him.

The back of Gwen's ankle was now the home of a delicately designed phoenix. She and I spent days trying to come up with an idea for it, until she insisted on a phoenix. She said it represented how her meeting us, allowed for her to rise from the ashes of her former life. The phoenix was strong and graceful; I found it very befitting of Gwen.

She was my complete and utter confidant in life. My life was consumed and fulfilled by her.

She and I shared so many things that I was desperately missing out on before her arrival.

I was no longer alone at night with my books and music. She allowed me to stay in her room at night whenever I pleased. Her bed was my sanctuary. I had grown accustom to her falling asleep next to me while her delicate wrist lay under my fingertips.

All along she thought I did this because I liked the feel of her pulse, but it was actually my selfish way of getting around the pact we made. We had agreed not to intrude on one another's thoughts ever since she learned how to read minds without directly touching me.

Unfairly so, one night while she was sleeping my hand accidentally bumped hers. When it did, I saw flashes of images from her mind. At first, I was worried, but as I began to play closer attention to the visions, I realized they were dreams. I had never known that I had the ability to see people's dreams until her. I probably didn't know I could do this because no one else in my family slept and it's not like I was keeping the company of other humans in my bedroom at night. But it made perfect sense that I could see her dreams. They were merely subconscious thoughts flowing like a movie through her mind.

Some nights she'd dream really strange things like being able to fly or her encountering dumb things like aliens. Other nights, when she was having more private dreams, I was courteous and didn't watch them. That's a lie. Sometimes I allowed myself to watch the dreams and toy with the desires that apparently were on her mind rather consistently.

When she had dreams like this and I let myself watch, I felt like an awful and deceitful intruder. I couldn't stop my aching curiosity. A part of me was just curious; other parts enjoyed finding myself desirable like that, especially since I had never really experienced anything like that in reality. Other times, I watched in on those dreams just to make sure it wasn't some other guy; maybe one of the many random guys from our school who fancied my beautiful, little Gwen.

Nonetheless watching her dreams was highly entertaining and gave me something to do at night while she slept. I guess, I didn't mind being able to touch her in some small way all night, either.

A deeply hidden loneliness that still remained in me wanted to touch her more. I wanted to crawl up beside her at night and nuzzle my stone chin into the back of her neck and let her feel my cool breath raise the hairs on her skin. I wanted to pulled her into my arms and let her dream away into the confines of my embrace. Many nights I was tempted to kiss her goodnight on the forehead. She had no scent to allure me, but early on found a desirable fragrance that she wore regularly. The smell of cherry blossoms was utterly intoxicating when it radiated from Gwen's pale skin. Everything about her was soft, even though she was the strongest human that I knew, both mentally and physically.

I had been alive a lot longer than Gwen and experienced many years of disappointment.

She filled that void every day of my life since our beginning. She was beyond witty and humorous, making me laugh all the time. She had won the approval of everyone in the family, even Rosalie, although she wouldn't admit it. She was like a little sister to Emmett and a creative force for Jasper and I.

Ever since Carlisle found her, I was forever indebted and grateful to him. He knew how lonely I was, being the only one without a companion. In bringing her home, this may not have been his intention, it eventually served many purposes.

All of the changes Gwen went through from the lack of aging and learning the ability to absorb powers without physical contact just put me even in more awe of her. She was beauty, power, and strength, but most of all she possessed a humbleness that made her come off perfectly graceful in everything she did.

Cooking became a passion of mine. Not because it served any purpose for me personally, but I loved seeing Gwen's face light up when she enjoyed a new recipe. Just being able to do small things for her, especially human things brought a smile to my face.

She and I would take long drives together with the windows down and blare music from my car speakers. We'd both sing along to our favorites, though neither of us was as talented as Jasper when it came to singing. I was usually speechless around her when we'd make music together. There is nothing sexier than a girl and a guitar.

Even though all this happiness and perfection existed, things were still not right. It didn't take a mind reader to know Gwen felt the same way as I did. I fought it for a long time.

Mostly trying to understand exactly what I was feeling and distinguish between the emotions of friendship, infatuation, and love. I knew that I loved Gwen as a family member. I also knew that her friendship with me was unbreakable and endless. I also knew that I was highly infatuated with everything about her and our time together. But for some maddening reason none of this equaled up. I felt like something was missing. It wasn't a spark because we definitely had that. I was attracted to her and every time I watched her "private" dream sequences I most certainly felt that spark. Still, we had never kissed; we had never taken it past the constant dances around the subject.

It had been a very long time and I began to have my doubts. I thought we would have progressed by now, but something had stopped me every time. Maybe I was waiting for her to make the first move or just say it out loud. I toyed with the idea daily in my head and if she was ever breaking our vow to stay out of one another's minds, she would have easily caught on. She knew I was looking at her that way because she was looking at me that way. The same way she did the first night she arrived and I was knocking at her bedroom door.

We had a spark and yet we were not together. I wanted badly to command Alice to tell me what I should do. I wanted a clear vision of mine or Gwen's future. But Alice didn't work like that. Even if she did know where things were going to end up she refused to mess with the future. Perhaps I wasn't prepared to be told Gwen was not the one. Especially, since I had been working on accepting that she was. It just seemed like that's how things were working out.

On the move to our now current residence in Forks, it finally occurred to me what was wrong. I was terribly afraid of breaking Gwen. What if we did end up together, but then I lost interest or found someone else? I couldn't do that to her. I was so involved in our friendship and she was so much a part of our family that I couldn't stay around if I hurt her. I didn't think myself very fickle, but I could have been entirely wrong. So many excuses and rationalizations ran through my head that day. The day it all became a little clearer. I had a deep seeded paranoia that one day, Gwen's ability to not age would end and then we'd be stuck with two outcomes. Either I'd have to watch my best friend die or I'd have to be willing to turn her. Neither of which I was prepared to do. I knew what her decision would be, but I couldn't do that. I loved her humanity too much; I couldn't do that to her. Though she blended in well with my family and our "situation," she didn't truly understand what it was like to be one of us.

Another side of me, a hopeless romantic side that read way too many books, said that if she really was the one it would have happened by now, and it hadn't. There had to be something that was keeping everything from coming into fruition. I was dumb to think it

was someone or something else out there that was meant for me, because everything I had known for the past thirty years told me Gwen filled that spot. She was able to accept me and my family. She was able to spend eternity with me as far as I knew and that was more than anyone else could give me. It was either Gwen or another person like us.

If only Alice would just give me a good swift kick in the ass; I might know what to do.

My irrational fears about Gwen's future, our family's stability with or without her, and my nervousness kept her and I apart this long. I wasn't going to allow myself to slip up with her, unless I was absolutely sure of my plans. Nothing was set in stone. I just knew that if I didn't want to hurt Gwen and mess up my family, I had to play it cool and keep as much distance as I could. I was already failing miserably at not setting her up for complete disappointment and heartbreak.

I wanted to feel it so badly. I want to feel that rush of sureness and the moment of clarity, where I knew she was the one and not just the right choice, perhaps the only choice. In my life there were no other options. I was wrong to think I even needed options.

Like I said, it was another city, another school. I tried to look at this new home as a place for more change. Perhaps this move would be the breaking point for Gwen and me. Maybe this city would drive some sort of clarity out of my confused head and give me the answers I sought. I tried to tell myself there had to be some secret reason Alice was bringing us to this specific city. Maybe she knew this is where Gwen and I would have our first kiss. My wishful thinking was going to get me in trouble. I needed to let whatever, just happen. I hadn't forced the feeling to come yet and there was no point in starting now. I had absolutely no intentions of faking love for Gwen. If she was meant to be with me, it had better be authentic and genuine. If the story was meant to play itself out in our favor then all my fears and irrational excuses would disappear and I would just know. That's what all the great poets say. You just know.

Our arrival in the town was met with great enthusiasm, probably because Forks had never seen a doctor with Carlisle's capabilities. By choosing to work in their small hospital he was taking a step down in pay grade as well as the fact that I was pretty sure nothing really interesting happened in their hospital. Carlisle would probably spend the next four years applying Snoopy Band-Aids on kids' knee caps, hardly intriguing for a doctor of his prestige.

Rosalie was also unhappy with Alice for leading us here. There wasn't any decent shopping around for miles, let alone the designer apparel she was accustomed to. Emmett was more than thrilled to live here. There was plenty of fresh game for him to hunt. The area was highly populated by bears and he had a personal vendetta with all bears. I think if he couldn't get full from eating he would literally eat every bear he could find. Jasper and I tried regularly to get him over his angst. Not that I had much room to speak when it came to favoring certain game. My preference was mountain lion.

Although Gwen knew and understood how we hunted, I'd never let her go with us. First off, it was entirely too risky and I can't handle her being in potential harms way. She knew what it entailed from her second day with us, when she accidentally caught my thoughts after a hearty meal.

Esme was in love with our new house and I had to admit we'd really outdone ourselves this time. If it had not been for all the forestry hiding the luxurious property, I'm sure we would have stood out more than we already did in this quaint town.

We'd all gotten a new fleet of cars since the move. This was probably my favorite part of our moves. Usually Gwen never cared about having her own transportation because she'd always rather ride with me. Since our move she had expressed an interest in getting a sports bike. It took a crap-ton of convincing to get Esme and Carlisle to cave, but eventually it worked.

Gwen was now the proud owner of a black Triumph Daytona 600 sports bike. I worked with her diligently to prepare her to ride it alone by the beginning of the school year, even though I knew she'd still ride with me every day. I wasn't going to lie, seeing Gwen's fragile human body on that bike worried me constantly. I tried to fight off the overprotective boyfriend mode because I knew how excited she was about it, and boy did she look good on it. From first having met Gwen, never would I have imagined she'd turn into this tattooed, bike riding, firecracker of a girl.

One day while hunting alone, trying to get a feel for the new area, I came upon the most intriguing clearing. It was a meadow hidden by forest and mountains. Flowers of every color were in bloom and the grass was a lush blanket of green. It was the most beautiful and inviting place I had seen in a long time. I immediately thought I needed to show

Gwen. Then I thought about keeping it all to myself. The meadow could be my secret, my own private place to go and think. I instantly decided it was all mine and if I ever decided to share it, it was going to be with someone very special.

After two weeks of moving in and having a complete free for all, it was time to settle back into the awful pattern that was the Cullen kid's lives. Monday morning I made

Gwen's favorite blueberry pancakes. Since the ground wasn't too slick she insisted we take her bike on the first day.

"Come on Edward, Please!" she pleaded with her puppy dog eyes.

"I don't know, it's going to make an impression," I huffed.

"Exactly," she squealed, "just the kind of impression we want."

I didn't know if she understood that when the whole school sees a guy pull up to school on a sports bike with a gorgeous girl on the back they think one of two things. Either those two are dating or those two are hardasses and shouldn't be messed with. I think she was hoping for the first impression. Gwen always liked to stake her claim on me at each new school. I was entirely flattered by her efforts.

"Fine, anything for you, doll," I replied causing her to blush at my words.

My favorite part about Gwen was the fact that she could still blush.

"But you have to wear a helmet," I added.

She put on her best pout face, "But it will mess up my hair!"

"I don't care, you may not age but you're still a mortal, sucker!" I said tossing her the helmet over the kitchen table. "Let's go, the others just left."

Gwen held tightly around my waist as the drizzling rain left droplets on her red coat that she wore everywhere. We pulled into the parking lot only a few moments after the others.

Everyone's jaws dropped. The staring and whispers began. They weren't used to seeing vehicles like ours. Rosalie's red BMW always caught attention and I'm sure mine and

Gwen's rock star entrance didn't help.

I turned to Gwen as she hopped off the bike. "You're so lucky you don't hear the constant buzzing sound," I complained. Gwen's mind reading was different than mine. Everything was silent until she consciously chose to focus in on someone's thoughts. I on the other hand dealt with the constant insufferable buzz of everyone's thoughts colliding at once, until I tuned into one person.

"Sorry dude," she tried to console me.

Emmett walked up with Rosalie under his arm. She was decked out in all designer duds and had no qualms about drawing unwanted attention with her fashion choices.

"So, what's the latest?" Emmett questioned Gwen and me. They always wanted answers.

"Hey Jasper," Gwen called out. "Looks like you've got some competition. That guy over there seems to fancy Alice already."

Alice leaned into Jasper with sincerity trying to remedy Gwen's comment.

Jasper laughed, "Let's see him try. I pity the fool!"

Emmett cut in, "Yeah, haha, I pity the fool who crosses Alice, because she'll rip their head off long before you got a chance."

We all burst out laughing. I tried to throw Jasper an apologetic glance as I watched his ego begin to bruise. The first bell rang and we all walked into the school in search of our first classes.

Gwen glanced down at our schedules and I knew what was coming.

"Um, Edward there's a mistake we have Biology in different classrooms." She looked shocked and rightfully so. Gwen and I always had identical schedules up until now.

"I tried, I really did, but they only had one slot open in each classroom." I felt awful, but also intrigued by the fact that I had a class without her and I wondered what that meant.

She had stopped in the doorway of our first class, waiting silently for me to fix the problem. I had nothing to offer.

"The classes are right next to one another; we'll be fine. Come on, before we can't get seats next to each other," I said quickly trying to console her as I patted the top of her head playfully and entered classroom.

The first three hours of school were like a rendition of the movie Groundhog's Day. First, we had Spanish, (which by now both Gwen and I were fluent in). Second was history class. I opted out of the advanced course because Gwen never wanted to keep up with the extra work. I loved history mainly because I lived most of it. But she struggled and I wanted to stay in her classes. Third hour was math, which she excelled at.

Most of the time she spent the class showing off and being teacher's pet. It was always the same, every school; Gwen was the math class show off.

Finally, lunchtime rolled around. Even though there was nothing for me to do at lunch but hang out and talk, I really enjoyed the time my family and I spent together for that measly hour.

I was courteous and walked with Gwen through the lunch line. The cafeteria food looked disgusting.

"So what'll it be? Crap with cheese or crap with vegetables?" I smiled at her jokingly.

She poked my side even though it probably hurt her more than me.

"I'll have the crap with cheese please." She stuck out her tongue making the goofiest face. _Gosh she was adorable_.

We met everyone at a table by the window. Rosalie was busy touching up her nail polish and Alice was trying to calm Jasper down. Apparently this guy who fancied Alice had a name; it was Tyler. Jasper was fuming and I gave a pleading glance towards Gwen.

"Don't you think I know my own bag of tricks," he snapped at Gwen.

Instinctively I cut in, "Hey man, chill! She was just trying to help."

"I'm sorry I didn't mean it," directing his words at her.

I tried to make light of the situation. "If Alice has put up with your lame ass this long, what makes you think this chump will change anything?" I smirked at Alice trying to be encouraging with my humor.

Emmett chimed in like always, "Yeah what a chump! Cullen ladies are hands off."

Alice gave Jasper a reassuring nod and kissed him on the cheek.

I was curiously scanning the lunch room for this Tyler fellow, when I found him. He was seated at a table with a very eclectic crowd of students. Some were buzzing about the upcoming school dance while three other girls sat on the end of the table in their own conversation. That's when our eyes met.

There was nothing overly extraordinary or attractive about his girl. She had long wavy brown hair, deep chocolate brown eyes, and the same pale skin that all Forks residents had. She kept staring at me like she was trying to pierce my flesh with her eyes. I shook myself out of the trance. _Why the hell was this boring and rude girl staring at me?_ I wanted to know who she was. I honed in on the girl next to her who was your typical ditzy cheerleader type; her name was Jessica. She was going on and on to the girl next to her about the dress she wanted for the dance. I kept listening for the rude girl's thoughts, especially since she wasn't verbally partaking in the conversation. She seemed utterly disinterested in everyone at her table. She just sat there oddly toying with her half-eaten food.

Something about her just screamed that she was out of place. Most high school girls weren't comfortable in their own skin, but she looked like she just didn't care about anything. She didn't wear flamboyant clothes like Rosalie and her hair wasn't perfectly in place like Alice's. She seemed entirely breakable in comparison to a girl like Gwen. She was probably the most human, soft, thing I'd ever laid eyes on and her accusing stare simply captivated me. _Didn't she realize how rude she was being?_ I argued with myself that maybe she was day dreaming and her stare just happened to be in my general direction. She grabbed an apple from her plate without flinching from her stare. She then moved the apple to her pouting red lips. I felt like I was in a slow motion scene from a movie. She took a bite out of the luscious red apple and a little of the juice dripped from her lips. Gently, she licked her lips then ran the sleeve of her jacket across her mouth.

"Holy crap," I thought to myself this girl is actually sexy. Now, I was the rude one who couldn't stop staring.

The lunch bell rang breaking my hypnotic state. Gwen grabbed my shoulder.

"Great it's time for our first class without each other," she said disappointedly.

I tried to console her sad puppy dog eyes. "We'll be fine," I assured her.

I knew I didn't sound convincing; I was too busy watching the apple girl leave the cafeteria with some blonde haired, jockey, goon type of fellow. Gwen and I walked together in silence to our respective Biology classrooms. There was already tension and class hadn't even had the chance to be unbearable yet. Her room was on the left and mine on the right. Before entering her classroom she gave me a pleading glance of, "Edward, please make this better." I mustered up the most genuine reassuring smile I could and walked into class.

All morning Gwen and I had to stand in front of each class and be introduced as the new

students at Forks High. I hadn't realized till now, this time I'd have to go it alone. A curly

haired man with glasses approached me.

"Ah, you must be Mr. Edward Cullen, I presume."

"And, you must be Captain Obvious," is what I felt like retorting. Instead, I just politely nodded and reluctantly turned to face the class. He shook my hand and informed me of his name.

"Everyone, this is Edward Cullen. Some of you may have already met him in another

class. His brothers and sisters are also joining us this year. They're from

Alaska," he stated less than enthusiastically.

The whispers began, as if Alaska was really that interesting of a place. Lifting my stare from the linoleum floor, I scanned the room for an empty seat.

"Edward, you can have a seat next to Isabella here in the front, right there," Mr. Banner pointed with his finger.

The small figure at the table muttered under her breath, "Bella, my name is Bella. I've told you fifty times."

Good God, it was the apple girl. Surely Satan himself had it in for me. I glanced frantically around the room, looking for another open seat. Quickly realizing that if there was another seat, Gwen would be sitting in it and we wouldn't be having this dilemma. I huffed and took my seat next to her by the window. What happened next caught me completely off guard. As I inhaled about to speak to her I felt fire rush down my throat.

My stomach churned and it was as if my insides were being incinerated. Like a true masochist, I took in another unbelievably painful gush of air, this time through my nose.

The scent of freesias were radiating off of Bella's skin.

My eyes tightened; I flinched away from her. She smelled delectable and the sound of her quickening pulse made the venom salivate on my tongue. I was losing complete control, and fast. Every person and sound around me was gone. Only one thing was screaming in my head. _"Eat her now; this will be the tastiest blood you've ever had." _I had never tasted human blood before, but I craved it now more than ever. My hands gripped the lab table and I dug my nails deeply into the wood, creating indentions.

Every muscle in my body was straining to keep me seated in my chair. She stared straight ahead at the teacher then brushed a lock of hair over her shoulder. The floral scented fire once again soared through my nostrils, down my throat, catching my lungs ablaze. Any minute from now I was about to ruin everything Carlisle and my family had worked for. Bella was mine for the taking. I was itching to sink my teeth into her soft, pale flesh.

Curious to know what she was thinking before her demise I listened for her thoughts.

Silence once again, nothing from her, like in the cafeteria. No one and I mean absolutely no one, has silent thoughts. This angered me and it did nothing to calm my enraged thirst.

If I could just hear her thoughts or maybe her speak again I'd be knocked back into reality. I'd feel remorseful for what I was about to do. Then I'd suffer her intoxicating scent the rest of class and escape it the moment the bell rang.

She must have felt the tension emanating from my body language. She glanced over her shoulder staring me straight in the eye. _Did she not know she was playing with fire_? I couldn't take it; I was about to do horrible things at my new school. I jumped up from my seat, startling the teacher. I rushed past him spouting the excuse, "I feel sick." I didn't even wait for permission to go to the nurse. I just exited the classroom slamming the door angrily behind me. I didn't have a plan, but I knew I had to disappear. I ran to Gwen's locker to retrieve the keys to her bike. A loud voice kept screaming in my head, "Kill her, kill her." Over and over again, it was very disturbing.

It only made me hate her and want her more. I jetted off from the high school parking lot without looking back. I was shaking, partly with anger and partly with disgust. I was disgusted with myself and how little self control I had. Bella's scent had pushed me to the edge. I had never experienced anything like that before. I wondered how pissed Gwen was going to be when she got out of class and I wouldn't be there to greet her. She would also be less than thrilled that her bike was missing.

I had bigger things to worry about. I almost slaughtered an innocent girl in plain sight, which meant there would have been casualties. I arrived at the hospital and barged into Carlisle's office.

"What is it Edward, what's wrong?" Carlisle's thoughts were deeply concerned. I must have looked like a mad man. Stumbling over my words, I was rushed and confused by everything. "I have to go. I can't be at school. There is this person, a girl. She's driving me insane," I confessed abruptly.

Carlisle put on his calm doctor face. "What did she do to you?" he questioned with a concerned crease forming across his forehead.

"I can't explain it. Her scent is killing me. She almost made me lose complete control," I barked furiously. I pounded my fist on his desk as I practically screamed the words at him.

Patiently, he began, "Edward, I know you better than that. You wouldn't have lost control." Carlisle's optimism let me know just how well he didn't know me, least when it came to this girl. I had to make the severity of the situation known.

I growled at him. "If I have to go back there I WILL KILL HER!" I said it as unapologetically as I could. Not for one minute did I feel like I was being drastic.

"I understand. What do you want to do? I'll help in any way I can," Carlisle responded as he reached out to touch my hand, but I pulled back instantly.

"I've got to get away. Please make up something to tell the others. Especially Gwen, I don't want her to be worried. Also, I'm borrowing her bike." I said evasively, frantic to get out of his office.

"Edward, you know Gwen will know I'm lying," he reasoned with disappointment.

Before shutting the door I looked back and slyly replied, "No, she won't."

I decided to run by the house and get a backpack of clothes. I didn't need much else because I had a credit card on me. Just as I was about to leave the house I remembered something else I needed to do. On a small piece of paper I wrote two simple words, "I'm sorry." After placing it on her pillow, I gave her bedroom one last glance because I didn't know when or if I'd see it anytime soon. I began driving north with Canada in mind. I enjoyed every bit of the cold wind piercing my face. I deserved punishment for what I was doing to my family by leaving like this.


	7. Gentlemen

**7. Gentlemen**

GPOV

It took forty-five minutes to notice Edward was gone. Sitting in Biology without him was absolutely miserable. I kept myself busy by staring at the clock and reading the thoughts of my otherwise boring classmates. While listening in on Tyler's thoughts (aka Jasper's new-found pain in the ass), I found myself struggling. Tyler's thoughts got quieter and quieter, until they diminished completely. The shock on my face probably would have alarmed anyone. I imagine I looked like a deer in headlights.

I tried frantically to read another student's mind, once again, nothing. There was fifteen minutes left until the end of class. This meant only one thing. Edward was no longer next door. He either wasn't close enough for me to leech off his power or worst case scenario, I was losing it. Fidgeting absentmindedly with my pencil, I counted down the minutes till the bell rang. My sweaty palms were touching the door handle the second Biology ended.

Edward was not there to greet me. Instead, I was met with the angelic and concerned face of Alice.

"Edward had to go home early. He borrowed your bike. You can ride with us on the way home," Alice said short and sweetly. This was so unlike Edward, both she and I knew it.

I was helpless and had no way to know if Alice was lying or keeping something from me.

Frustrated, now more than ever that I could never conquer Alice. I shook my head in disbelief. Without Edward, reading her mind was a lost cause; he had to be in close proximity for me to do it. All I could do was accept her words and go about the rest of the school day without Edward by my side. Even more maddening, I had to spend the rest of the day without the ability to read minds. Edward knew what a crutch mind reading was for me, especially at a new school on the first day. I couldn't fathom why he would do this to me.

I glanced at Alice letting her know how upset I was. "Is something wrong with him?" I whispered nervously.

Her response was definitely premeditated. "We'll talk about it when we all get home. I can walk you to your next class," she answered as calmly as possible.

Begrudgingly, I let her escort me to English class. Before entering class I turned to her and snapped, "Something is wrong and you're telling me when we get home."

"See you at the car after class," she smiled. Didn't she know this was no smiling matter for me? Once again, I was introduced to the class alone, when this time Edward should have been by my side. I sat in the furthest seat back and stared at the empty desk next to me, fuming with anger. I don't think I had ever been this angry with him the whole time

I'd know him. Feeling entirely vulnerable without him only made me more pissed off.

Once the bell rang, I was at Rosalie's car quick as lightning. I didn't even bother to stop by my locker. The others were much quicker than me and all of them stood by the car, waiting.

Riding with them was sure to be awkward. It really shouldn't have been. Just because

Edward was gone didn't make me any less close with them. God only knows what they were thinking. Sitting squished in the back seat between Jasper and Alice was better than being stuck in between Rosalie and Emmett. I couldn't stand not being able to read their minds. I was even more perturbed that my bike was missing.

Perhaps someone other than Alice knew what the hell was going on. I growled at

Jasper, "Spare me; if I wanted to calm down, I would have done it myself. Just because he's gone doesn't mean I can't still pull your tricks."

Jasper embarrassingly raised his hands in the air like a criminal surrendering to the police. He was letting me know he meant no offense. Deep down I knew he was doing it out of habit. He couldn't help wanting to help others. The rest of the car ride home was in silence. It didn't take very long because all Cullens drove like speed demons. I ran into the house ready to berate Edward.

Esme and Carlisle were sitting on the couch calmly awaiting our arrival. "Where is he?" I demanded.

"Gwen, have a seat," Carlisle ushered pointing to the couch as if I didn't already know where it was. "All of you have a seat." The rest filed in behind me.

I didn't want to sit. I wanted to talk to Edward. If he was hiding up in his room he should have picked a better spot to hide.

"Edward has decided to leave us. For how long we don't know," Esme glanced at Alice while addressing all of us. No words were capable of leaving my mouth. I was frozen to the couch.

"I don't know where he has gone or for how long. I also feel that his reasons are his own and not mine to tell," Carlisle explained with disappointment.

Carlisle continued, "I'd appreciate if no one badgers Alice for answers. Even if she does know where or why he has left, I expect you all to respect his privacy." He was directing his request at me more so than anyone else in the room.

"He bit someone didn't he? Edward bit someone! Please say it was the Spanish teacher!" Emmett snorted loudly.

Emmett's humor normally made me laugh, but no one was laughing. Rosalie punched his shoulder letting him know this was not the time for jokes.

I could have stuck around and argued, but it seemed pointless. I knew Carlisle and Alice were keeping the truth from all of us. How did they expect any of us to help Edward if we didn't know what the hell was going on? I was infuriated by Edward and even more so with them. On top of all this secrecy none of us had a clue as to when he would return.

Then it dawned upon me, what if he didn't return? I was quickly becoming upset and I never liked crying in front of them. Just because none of them had working tear ducts didn't mean mine had stopped working. I ran up to my room, slamming the door behind me.

Tears started streaming from my eyes. I hated crying and I hated them all for making me cry. Why couldn't Carlisle just tell me what really was going on? Alice was my best friend, but at the moment I wanted nothing to do with her. She should have told me at school what happened. She was the only one who might have possible answers and here

Carlisle was forbidding all of us to "badger" her about it. I was pissed. We can badger

Alice all we want about the safe places to move to, but when it comes to a missing family member, that's hands off? Before I could stop myself the word, "BULLSHIT," protruded loudly from my mouth directed at everyone downstairs.

I felt isolated. Was I the only one who cared about finding Edward? I let myself fall on my stomach on the bed. That's when I saw it, Edward's poor excuse for an explanation or goodbye, whatever he intended it to be. A measly piece of paper with the words scribbled, "I'm sorry." Did he really expect that to comfort me or make this all okay? I instantly wondered if he left anyone else a note, but that was not Edward's style. I knew

I was the only one with a note, because he knew I was the only one who would be in hysterics over his absence. It's not that the others didn't care or weren't concerned, but they had experienced much more in life and gained a certain composure from it. It was like they were throwing it in my face that they knew Edward better than I did, thus they didn't need to get all worried.

He was gone and he had taken so much of me with him. Didn't he realize how selfish he was being in leaving me? Without him nearby I could no longer read minds. Lucky for him I had the rest of the Cullens around to keep me young. I knew I was being out of line.

Edward's gift was his long before it was mine. I was being selfish by acting like he owed me anything. More so then the need for him to be around and share his gift he had to have known he was leaving me the odd man out. So what if we weren't a couple. Now it was them six, three couples, and me. Whether Edward was my boyfriend or not I needed him there to be the other half to our pair.

I hadn't felt this alone, confused, or out of place since my first day at the hospital. I was slowly beginning to realize just how attached to Edward I was, just how much I really needed him. Who would take me to school? Who would stay in my room at night and cook meals for me? Who the hell was going to sit next to me in class? I tried my hardest to push away the thought that Edward would be gone long enough for me to have to be alone in class without him.

That night I sobbed endlessly in my room. I didn't leave once, not even for dinner. Only

Alice came by and knocked on the door. She was most certainly not the person I wanted to see. She was keeping pertinent information from me and I started to resent her for it.

She whispered into the door, "I'm sorry." What the hell was with the Cullens and "I'm sorry." It wasn't good enough. I rolled back over, digging my wet face into my pillow and ignored her efforts. That night I barely slept on the windowsill. I kept looking out waiting to see Edward return. I listened to all of the playlists on his iPod and fought back the exhaustion until my eyelids burned and I drifted into sleep.

That morning I awoke to a knock at my door. I jumped up from the cold hard window and ran to the door anxiously. Hoping yesterday had been a bad dream, I was almost positive Edward was behind that door. When I opened it I was proven wrong. Esme held in her hand a plate of breakfast. "I made your favorite, blueberry pancakes. Alice said you can ride with her and Jasper today in their car."

Being infuriated and half awake was not a good idea. It makes you say irrational things.

"You can tell Alice that I'm riding with Emmett and Rosalie." I shut the door, trying not to slam it in Esme's face. Even though she wasn't my mother I had grown to respect her in that way.

Apathetically I got ready for school, leaving Esme's pancakes untouched next to my bed. I grabbed my backpack and headed downstairs with the most stoic face I could muster. For some reason I felt like I was heading into war. War against my family, war against the kids at school, and war against my inner demons that weren't happy Edward was gone.

Alice and Jasper were standing outside of Alice's car waiting for me. Obviously Esme didn't deliver the message or Alice thought I was bluffing. I walked across the driveway with my chin in the air without throwing Alice a single glance. I opened the back door to Emmett's Hummer and launched my tiny body up into it. Shutting the door I folded my arms over my chest and waited impatiently for Emmett to drive off. He wasn't helping me complete the dramatic scene I had wanted it to be. Why couldn't he just speed out of the driveway leaving Alice and Jasper in the dust?

I knew I was being unfair to Alice. I was being rude, callous, and entirely irrational. She had nothing to do with Edward leaving. My callousness towards her came from the fact that she had not put herself in my shoes. If the tables were turned and I had her gift she'd be begging me for help. If Jasper had randomly disappeared without explanation and I was the one person who might have any details she'd beg me for them. I knew how much she loved Jasper; it was as if she was underestimating my love for Edward. Alice would probably tie me down and torture the information about Jasper out of me. Instead of going against Carlisle's request, I chose to take it out on her by ignoring her. If she didn't want to act like a real best friend and a real sister to Edward and me then so be it. It's not like I didn't have other siblings to fill her spot. I felt horrible for even thinking those things.

Emmett began to pull out of the driveway and Rosalie turned to face me from the front seat. "Here, you can pick the music today," she said handing me the Ipod. Rosalie was actually being friendly to me. Maybe she secretly enjoyed me fancying her company over Alice's. Scanning the Ipod, this morning was not the morning for slow dreary music that matched the weather; I found Emmett's Metallica albums and pressed play. I let the loud, screaming, metal music drown out my emotions the whole ride to school. Emmett gave me a smirk and nod of approval. I doubt Rosalie often chose metal music to listen to on the way to school.

When we arrived at school, Alice parked her car right next to Emmett's. I was half hoping that I'd see my bike sitting in the same spot as yesterday. Edward would be waiting there for us all and I'd be able to let the whole ordeal slide the second he laid those gorgeous eyes on me. My bike was not there, nor was he. We stood around in mostly silence before the bell rang. "Want me to walk you to Spanish? I'm still curious to see if he knocked off Senora Goff," Emmett offered.

"I'm good. Thanks though, I'll let you know if there was a massacre or not." I tried to be humorous, but my tone came off dull and uninterested.

Heading off to class before the rest of them, I walked by Alice without as much as acknowledging her existence. Jasper was probably going to be very disappointed in me for treating her badly, but if he was smart he'd keep his mouth shut. I was on a short fuse without Edward around. I disliked school and was sure to be even more irritable in the halls of Forks High, more irritable than any of them had ever seen me.

The first few classes seemed like an eternity. I didn't have mind reading to help pass the time or keep me feeling safe. For all I knew the whole class had figured out my vampire family and was planning a lynch mob. In reality, I knew they were probably ignoring my existence all together, but it was much easier to think something horrible was going to occur so I could place more blame on Edward and Alice.

When lunchtime rolled around I was extremely appreciative to find Rosalie willing to escort me through the lunch line. Usually Edward walked with me and cracked jokes about the cafeteria lady's resemblance to a blowfish and the awful specials of the day.

"I can't believe you actually eat this stuff." Rosalie wrinkled her nose and scoffed at the buffet of options.

I raised my cup of gross looking coleslaw to her face, waving it in front of her nose. "What, don't you want some?" I joked.

She let out a smile and a giggle. I laughed as well. It was weird how nice Rosalie was being to me.

We headed over to our lunch table. Normally, I sat in between Alice and Edward. Today I plopped down on the end of the table next to Rosalie. I didn't need mind reading to tell what Alice's expression meant.

Her perky face drooped and she tilted her head in Jasper's direction with sadness in her eyes. He took her hand and squeezed it with reassurance, reassurance that maybe I'd get over my anger in a few days. He was wrong. It was nothing personal towards Alice. If Rosalie was the one with the ability to see the future then I would have shunned her.

I spent most of lunch drowning out the other's conversations and playing with my food. Edward was somewhere alone and probably going through something pretty painful. He wouldn't have left like this if it wasn't bad. I played out all the possible scenarios in my head, trying to figure out exactly what happened. Maybe he was summoned to the Volturi in Italy. The Cullens didn't talk about the elders in the Volturi much, but I knew who they were and the kind of power they had. The Volturi were like the vampire government so to speak. But I knew you had to have done something really bad to get involved with them. Then I thought the worst. Maybe he decided he wanted to be with Tanya and ran off to Alaska. I tried to shake that thought out of my head because in my world Tanya was worse than the Volturi. As far as I knew, no one in the Volturi wanted to be with Edward.

The lunch bell rang and we all walked off to our classes. Dreading Biology, I dragged my feet every step of the way. I tried my best to keep a distance from touching anyone in the hallways. Little did the student body of Forks High know, but I was a ticking time bomb. Some innocent girl could have bumped my shoulder in the hallway and I would have exploded on her. I knew I was in an extremely volatile mood. I hated Biology now more than ever. This was the class Edward and I had to separate from one another. This is the class where it all began. This stupid class was the catalyst to my pain.

The rest of the day went by without any casualties. Luckily I did not explode on anyone especially my teachers, because if I ended up getting a detention over all of this I was really going to make Edward pay for it. When you've been alive for forty-one years, you feel a little bit above the likes of detention. I had been around longer than a good majority of my teachers so their authority didn't weigh heavily on me.

I met Rosalie and Emmett by the car again and the ride home wasn't awkward like the day before. There was a growing appreciation for Rosalie and Emmett happening inside of me. Edward had always made them out to be Mr. Jokes and Mrs. Vanity. I was slowly beginning to see a side of them I didn't know existed. It wasn't that they were all jokes and good looks. Rosalie and Emmett were simplistic and calm. They enjoyed life and took each day for what it was. They loved one another so deeply they didn't feel the need to take anything too seriously. Watching them together was very different then what I saw between Jasper and Alice or even Edward and I for that matter. I used to think Rosalie was always uptight and bitter. As for Emmett, I thought he had the depth of a kiddy pool and humor was his only good quality. I was completely wrong about them. They were just so happy with one another; they didn't care what anyone else thought. Rosalie and Emmett had come to love in one another, the qualities that the rest of us found distasteful about them. That was a very powerful and humble kind of love. I couldn't believe I was actually putting Rosalie and the concept of humble in the same sentence.

When we arrived back at home I went straight to my room. I wasn't interested in seeing Carlisle and Esme and I wanted to spare Alice the ambivalent face I had been wearing since I got out of the car.

My room was no longer mine and Edward's sanctuary. It was like a dark, hollow prison. Just because there was a comfortable bed and colored walls didn't mean it wasn't a lot like the hospital bedroom. What I wouldn't do for some damn sunlight in this awful city. I read somewhere that certain people needed sunlight in order to maintain a level of happiness. I was beginning to think I was one of them.

That night Alice made her peace offering. I heard a knock on the door and when I opened it, a plate of dinner was sitting on the ground outside of my door and I saw Alice walking back down the stairs towards the kitchen. Her offering meant nothing to me. If I had to, I'd live off the granola bars in a box under my bed. I was hungry and yet an immature part of me didn't want to eat the food just because Alice delivered it. I ate a few bites and left it sitting on the floor by my bed.

Just like the night before I slept on the windowsill with Edward's Ipod.

The rest of the week went much like the first day without Edward. My riding to school with Rosalie and Emmett had become routine. Every day I'd pick some new obnoxiously loud metal band for us to listen to on the way to school. I had stopped throwing Alice dirty looks and became a little less callous. I was still not speaking to her, but I didn't feel the need to make everyone's situation awkward. When Friday finally rolled around I couldn't have been more elated. I wanted the weekend to be here badly. The weekend allowed me some sort of freedom away from all the drones at school. It also meant that I didn't have to see anyone if I didn't feel like it. I wanted to get away from the house and the others.

I would have gone on a weekend journey to find Edward, but I ruled that out. I had no idea where to begin and the endeavor was hopeless.

Saturday morning I awoke early and slipped out of the house while I knew the others were out hunting. I took my surf board and decided to head down to La Push beach. I had heard from the others at school that it was a pretty popular local spot to surf. I was hoping I'd be getting there early enough to avoid any interactions with other beach goers.

I borrowed Emmett's Hummer. I didn't know if he would be mad, but it was better than taking a chance on Rosalie's BMW. I felt like a midget behind the wheel of Emmett's car. I turned on the GPS and quickly made my way to La Push. The navigation system told me I was almost at my destination. I was driving slowly along the ridge of a rocky cliff that overlooked the beach.

That was when I saw a small group of teenage boys in swimsuits standing on the edge of the cliff horsing around. I slowed the vehicle to catch a better glimpse at what they were doing. Thinking they must have broke down I pulled over to offer some help. Honestly, I didn't know much about changing a tire or fixing cars.

As I pulled the Hummer into the parked position, I saw one of the tallest boys step up on the ledge. He put his arms up like the position of a bald eagle. My heart completely froze as I watched him jump from the edge and his body plunge, spiraling toward the ocean below. I absolutely freaked out and without much thought jumped out of the car yelling, "What are you guys doing?" I was panicked and out of breath. I leaned over the edge anticipating horror. Instead, the boy who had jumped off the cliff was wading in the water below waving up at the others with what seemed to be a smile on his face. The rest of the group howled and whooped in excitement. The scene was utterly barbaric. Everyone had seemed to ignore my panicked yell when I jumped out of the car.

Once they finally noticed I was standing there one of the taller and more muscular of the boys walked eagerly toward me. His skin was a beautiful russet color and he had long black hair tied back in a pony tail. His teeth were perfectly aligned and the most brilliant color white I had ever seen in someone's mouth.

He stuck out his hand, "Hi, I'm Jacob. Jacob Black. Did you need something?"

I reached out and shook his hand. His skin was extremely warm given the current temperature and weather conditions. In fact they all stood there half naked without wet suits and the entire scene was a bit peculiar because it was rather chilly that day.

"I'm Gwen. I don't need anything, but apparently you guys need your sanity back. What the hell do you think you're doing up here?" I chided. I sounded like a mom. I definitely didn't appear old enough to be any of these guys mom and questioning them with the tone that I was. I was just in shock by that fact I saw a guy willing to jump off a cliff to what I thought would have been his death.

Jacob and the others behind him let out a deep laugh. Behind him the rest returned to their conversation ignoring my existence. "I can assure you that we are all perfectly sane. Well, except maybe Paul. He's always been a little off." Jacob whispered back cupping his hand around his mouth to hide his words from the others.

"Hey dog brains, I heard that!" a skinny boy called from the distance.

Jacob smiled at me again and my heart melted at the way his lips perfectly aligned around his shiny teeth. "We are just cliff diving. We do this all the time. You must not be from around here otherwise you'd know all _Quileutes_are great cliff divers," Jacob boasted.

"No, I just moved here." I decided I didn't want to go into much detail about who I was. For the past week I felt really disconnected from the Cullens and decided for today I just wanted to be me. No attachments to the "New Family in Town," especially no attachments to the local vampire coven. The idea of friends outside of Forks High was becoming increasingly attractive. Plus, I didn't mind much that they were all a group of muscular half naked boys.

Jacob ushered me towards the other guys standing by the edge of the cliff. "This is Quil and Embry," he introduced. Both boys were equal in height and had the same russet colored skin as the rest. I shook each of their hands. Both were abnormally warm in their embrace like Jacob.

"I'm Paul, the one that's a little off." He threw Jacob a sarcastic smirk. "Down there, in the water. That's Sam. He's the oldest."

As I made acquaintances with everyone I realized how Jacob was standing closely by my side. Something told me the young fellow was trying to stake his claim on me. Sort of an "I saw her first," gesture. It was entirely flattering. Jacob looked younger than me. But, of course they were all much younger than me.

"How come I haven't seen you guys at school?" I prodded for more answers as to who this ruffian cliff diving gang was. They not only looked different from everyone at school, but they carried themselves differently than everyone I had met in Forks, thus far.

"Oh, we go to school on the reservation. All Quileutes go to school there. You must be attending Forks High?" he questioned as if there was any other high school in the small town.

"Yeah, I do." I replied uninterested. The last thing I wanted to discuss was anything about my high school.

"Have you met a girl named Bella Swan? She's goes there. Bella's my best friend." His tone changed to excited when he spoke of the girl, yet her name didn't ring familiar at all.

"No, I don't think I've met her. I keep to myself in school for the most part." I tried to say it without sounding like an anti-social recluse. Little did he know that I had a whole lot of faux brothers and sisters that kept me company. I didn't need friends other than them. It was too difficult to have friends that were human like me.

"Maybe you guys will get along then. She doesn't really like anyone at the school either. I'm pretty much her only real friend." I think he enjoyed that thought a little too much. Maybe this Bella chick and Jacob were a thing, which was fine, even though Jacob did have a youthful attractiveness about him that I couldn't deny. It was that damn smile. I hated to admit it, but his smile was more full of life than Edward's. Edward had a beautiful smile, but Jacob, everything about him radiated with energy and happiness.

Jacob went on a little bit more about Bella. He described her and told me about how her father was the chief of police, just what I wanted to be friends with the head cop's daughter. Jacob assured me she wasn't a narc like most people in town assumed. I made a mental note to remember his physical description of her so I could keep an eye out in school.

"You surf?" Paul questioned pointing at the board tied to the top of Emmett's car.

"You could say that," I replied trying not to sound cocky or set any sort of expectation for my level of surfing capabilities.

"Awesome, we'll meet you down there." Paul smiled.

Before I could offer any of them a ride down to the shoreline all of them but Jacob took an enthusiastic leap off the side of the cliff, howling the whole way down. My heart beat rapidly with the same nervousness I had when I first saw Sam jump.

Jacob was the lone man still at the top of the cliff. He turned towards me before taking his step towards the edge. "See you at the bottom babe," followed by a wink. Then without waiting for my response he took a giant leap off the cliff with just as much confidence as the older boys.

For some reason I was even more nervous when Jacob jumped. He wasn't quite a friend yet, but I was worried sick about him when his feet left the ground. I was also confused by his last remark. He called me babe. I don't think anyone other than Edward had ever called me that. Edward would have never allowed it. As I hopped back into Emmett's car I felt my cheeks flush with warmth. I was blushing. This nobody Jacob kid was making me blush with one simple word. I drove down to the shore arguing with myself that Jacob probably called every girl babe.


	8. I Wasn't Prepared

**8. I Wasn't Prepared**

GPOV

Secretly, I was hoping that when I parked, it would still be just the guys. I figured it was more than likely that they all had their girlfriends waiting for them on the beach. Surprisingly, my hopes were pretty in line with reality. Exiting my car, Jacob walked over and helped me pull my board off the top of the car. There weren't any other girls around for miles. It wasn't like the weather was perfect for sun bathing; maybe the girlfriends stayed home today.

Jacob politely carried my board towards the others, even though I was frustrated that he acted like I couldn't carry my own board. Typical display of masculine character always annoyed me. With Edward it wasn't like he was trying overly hard to be strong or masculine, he just was.

The way Jacob's shorts hung perfectly below his v-muscle made me feel like a pervert for staring. "You really think you can handle the rough waters of La Push?" he teased. I sensed real skepticism in his question.

"Is that a challenge?" I boasted while gently jabbing my knuckle across his chin like some suave gentleman out of a black and white film.

This was flirting. I definitely felt like we were flirting. My efforts at flirting were usually a total failure and had always been directed at Edward.

Jacob let out a fake laugh, "Haha, yeah it is. You want some company out there? We all brought our boards."

"Sure, did you bring your water wings as well?" I smiled, looking up from under my lashes trying to let him know I was being playful and not mean. All the others constantly poked at Jacob so I played along.

"Yeah, pup. Did you bring your water wings?" Quil interrupted, while giving Jacob a noogie. That was the second time they had made a dog reference towards Jacob. It was probably some inside joke I was missing out on.

Before zipping up the back of my wet suit, I caught Jacob stealing a glance at me in my swimsuit. He and the other boys waxed up their boards and discussed the way the tides shifted. I felt my cheeks warm and hated myself for blushing. _What is this boy doing to me_? We all paddled out into the rough grey waters keeping our game faces on, everyone was trying to impress the other. The cold temperature reminded me of Edward. Jacob stayed close to my side, while the others paddled around wildly, yelling, and showing off their skills. Jacob and I were pretty far out wading in the water, waiting for our wave. There was something extremely sexy about Jacob when his hair was soaking wet and messily hanging around his face. It made him look older. Not nearly as old as me, but nonetheless older, and I liked it.

"You think you can handle the next one?" he questioned with obvious concern for my safety.

I had to admit the waters were pretty rough, but I wasn't about to let my new friends think I was some weak, frail girl that couldn't hang. I had to prove myself, but in a different way than when I first became a Cullen.

Winking at Jacob I replied, "You have no idea what I can handle," and I took off paddling hard against the icy water. Jacob followed soon thereafter.

After handling the first wave with perfect grace and technique I had quickly gained the respect of all Jacob's friends. Even on the waves that Jacob face planted, I managed to hold my own. For about an hour all of us surfed, joked around in the water, and challenged one another. I'd be lying if I didn't admit competition always made me feisty and was a bit of a turn on.

I really enjoyed being around the Quileute boys and became excited by the fact that I was the only girl and they didn't seem to mind. Paul was hilarious and constantly took verbal jabs at poor Jacob. Sam was the most mysterious of them all. He was friendly and warm to me, but still the least talkative. Instantly I knew he was very wise and there was something different about him. Anytime one of the guys seemed like they were talking to me too long or getting too close, Jacob made it known they were in his territory. It was adorable watching Jacob try to constantly make it known what was his.

The truth was I wasn't his. I didn't belong to any of them and I didn't even really belong around them. They were from a different part of town, a place I knew nothing about. I didn't know anything about their people, traditions, or lifestyle. The only thing I did know was they liked to surf and had no fear when it came to cliff diving. Truthfully my heart still belonged entirely to Edward. Even though he was gone and had practically sent me into full on heartbreak with his absence, I was waiting for him. I was waiting for his return and waiting to tell him how I really felt. I couldn't let him disappear ever again without knowing my true feelings. This temporary happiness was sure to fade.

While this afternoon was exactly what I needed, a distraction, I couldn't help but think of it as just that. I didn't know if I'd ever see any of these guys again or if they even wanted me as a friend. By tomorrow, Jacob could be a figment of my imagination. I wanted to hold on to this day as long as possible. I wanted to hold it close to my wounded heart and let the warmth heal what remained of a wide open wound. When I was with the boys at La Push my mind was far from all my troubles. They didn't know very much about me and I liked it too much.

Jacob's boyish features and half way decent flirting was a great distraction, but he had no idea the suffering going on behind my contrived face. I had spent so long working on Edward, understanding him, trying to be what he wanted, that I didn't even know how to be attractive to other boys. I didn't know what flirting with someone that wasn't a vampire or mind reader went like. Having lived so long, I shouldn't have felt more emotionally frozen than ever before. My social development with people outside the Cullen's was poor.

It was then that I realized I had gone the entire day with them and hadn't worried once that I couldn't read their minds. I was oddly comfortable and at ease with all of them. There was no need to read their minds because everything about their bold and open expressions told me all I needed to know. None of them bore the hollow, pale faces of most Forks residence.

It greatly upset me that none of them attended Forks High. I could just see the faces on all the students as each day I'd walk into the cafeteria with my pack of muscular, loud and crazy men at my side. Maybe this Bella chick that Jacob knew would be cool like them? I had my doubts because I always got along better with boys than girls.

Too often girls follow what I like to call the Dog & Tree theory. They like to piss on what is theirs; marking their territory even if it's not really theirs to mark. At least Alice and Rosalie were straight forward. You knew what was theirs and not to mess with it. Any girl that so much as tried for Jasper or Emmett had another thing coming.

It was getting late and I didn't even bother to call Esme or Rosalie and tell them where I was. If Edward could be gone without anyone so much as lifting a finger then so could I.

As the sun set and the beach became dark, the boys worked quickly to build a bonfire. Glad that they had taken the initiative to continue our fun filled day, I helped Jacob move large logs around the fire for all of us to sit on. Once the fire got pretty big, a white SUV pulled up next to our cars on the beach. Out jumped a girl with long black hair and perfectly done braids. She ran over to Sam entering his arms passionately like they hadn't seen one another in days. It looked like one of the slow motion scenes in a movie where two lovers reunite.

"That's Emily. She's with Sam…obviously," Jacob noted while adding more wood to the fire.

Emily moved closer to the fire and took a seat next to Sam on a log. When she sat down the light from the fire created a shadow across her face. That's when I saw Emily clearly. Her face was completely marred. It looked like an animal had attacked her leaving ugly creases across her beautiful skin. I think Jacob knew I was staring. He whispered, "Don't bring it up. Just ignore it."

I only needed one warning and I knew the subject of Emily's face was off limits. Sam cordially introduced Emily and me from across the fire. She gave me a pleasant nod, but didn't move from her seat to shake my hand or anything. Emily clung to Sam's side the whole evening. Clingy girls always bothered me, but she didn't appear clingy. Emily and Sam just seemed like one entity when they were together. I envied that wholeness.

When Jacob got done tending to the fire he sat down without hesitance next to me. Sitting a little too close for comfort, I realized I had never sat this close to a boy other than Edward or my family. It was a strange feeling, sitting there on the beach across from Emily and Sam like I was Jacob's counterpart. Feeling the heat radiating off his flawless skin I wanted to move closer to his arms. The breeze coming off the water was chilly and I reminded myself that if Edward were here, that his touch would only make the situation worse. Jacob was like my own personal space heater.

Turning to the side, I memorized the outline of Jacob's profile and the shadows running across his face from the fire. He was indeed boyish, but there was something very alluring about him. His cheeks still had a bit of baby fat to them; they were not chiseled in the god-like way that Edwards's jaw line was. I didn't mind it at all; in fact, he looked completely soft, something you'd want to cuddle with and bury your face into.

With Jacob and the others I felt completely comfortable being myself. For those brief hours on the beach I began to feel human and young again. My hair was soaked and gross with ocean water. It was not perfectly in place and styled like it was when I was with Edward. Always trying to impress him, I had to work harder than the other Cullen's to maintain that level of beauty. Sure, staying young helped, but somehow they all just seemed flawless, like porcelain dolls 24/7. The Quileute boys were raw and human; I was envious. Their messy hair from a day of cliff diving mixed with non-designer clothing and worn skin baring scars was attractive to me. They could sweat, bleed, and cry. Something as simple as them gasping for air in the water was all very different then what I was constantly around.

Suddenly I felt a warm hand graze against the back of my ankle. I flinched at Jacob's touch. Once again it was extremely warm unlike Edward's skin.

"A phoenix? That's pretty cool. When did you get that?" Jacob prodded for answers.

I shivered at his touch. Even though he was only touching my ankle it felt so sensitive. Selfishly I didn't want him to pull his hand away. "Oh, that. Yeah, I got it not too long ago with my brother."

_What the hell did I just say_? I referred to Edward as my brother and left open the door for questions about my family. Realizing I had made a terrible mistake in opening my big mouth I knew there was some immediate backpedaling that needed to be done.

Jacob continued like I expected. "Awesome; so you have a brother, and other siblings?"

I had to keep it short and simple. The topic of discussion had to change. "He's not really my brother. I'm adopted. So what's it like on the reservation?"

Maybe Jacob could tell I didn't want to talk about my family and, lucky for me, he didn't press the issue any further. A horrible guilt was building in my stomach for actually referring to Edward as my brother. I'm sure Jacob would have loved to hear all about the "brother" that I was in love with, who stayed in my room every night, and who happened to be a mind reader. I felt the sudden need to disappear.

"It's pretty cool I guess. It's kind of everyone-knows-everyone type of place. The elders have been around awhile and everyone's family goes pretty far back. Most don't ever leave."

Well at least we had one thing in common: tight knit families. He mentioned his elders had been around awhile, he had no idea just how long my elders had been around.

Jacob was turning out to be one of the easiest persons on the planet to talk to. He didn't pry and he was mostly comfortable with silence and just enjoying each other's company.

I heard my phone vibrating in my backpack and decided it was probably a smart thing to at least check the time. As I walked over to the car to look inside my bag I clung to a small hope that it was Esme calling to tell me Edward had returned. If there was anything that would make me want to leave the bonfire it was Edward's return. First, so I could yell at him and secondly, so I could hug him and never let go.

Reluctantly, I opened my phone; it was a text from Alice asking where I was. _Did she really think that I was going to respond to a text message from her?_ I was also a little perturbed by the fact that she could have probably just done her little vision thing and known exactly where I was. Glancing at the time on my phone is what really made my decision to pack up and head out.

"Jacob, it's getting late. I need to pack up and head home," I said reluctantly, unable to help smiling at him.

He grabbed my board from the sand and carried it over to the car climbing up on its side to secure it to the roof. I watched as the muscles on the backs of his legs flexed while he hoisted the board up. I was blushing shamefully again. This time I didn't care that he was being a gentleman. I kind of enjoyed it. Panicked a bit by the fact that I didn't know when or if I'd ever see these guys again I decided I needed to have some future form of communication. _Would it be too forward to give Jacob my cell phone number?_

He spoke before I could. "So Gwen, when are we going to get you up on the cliff and diving like a pro?"

Not only was he interested in seeing me again, but he was basically laying out an invitation. Personally, I hadn't decided yet if cliff diving was for me. It seemed exhilarating, but I knew the Cullens wouldn't approve, especially Edward.

Humor concealing my nervousness had returned. "Let me get my last will and testament in order, then we will set a date."

_Crap, I didn't mean to use the word date_. It wasn't like that, least not in my mind. He laughed, and understood my humor just like Edward. I sighed with relief.

"Haha, don't worry. We've only lost one guy in our entire history of cliff diving." He smiled playfully and I hoped he really was kidding. He must have seen the concern on my face.

"Chill Gwen, I'm kidding. You'll be fine. Plus, I'd love to see Quil's face when you get it on your first day. It took him damn near a week to get the courage," he said a little too loudly.

The thought of making my courage known to this group of daring boys was very tempting. I always loved a challenge.

"Here's my number. I'll give you a call. Maybe next weekend we will make that happen," I offered.

I should have been appalled with myself. Giving out my number like some unfaithful harlot behind Edward's back. I tried to remind myself that neither of us belonged to one another, but why did I feel so guilty for giving my number to Jacob?

I couldn't really tell if Jacob was blushing or not because it was too dark, but something told me he was definitely excited to have the chance to see me again. We were both standing awkwardly by my car door. I didn't know what was proper in this situation. At that moment I really wished I could read his mind. _Do I hug him, do we shake hands?_

"It was nice meeting you Gwen. I'll see you when I see you." He started walking away backwards still looking at me as he headed towards the bonfire.

I was speechless and caught in this strange and new gaze we were sharing.

"Make sure to look out for my girl Bells on Monday!" he yelled back just before turning around to face his friends.

Anxiously, I climbed up into Emmett's huge seat and started the ignition. I was in need of some serious music. The whole ride home I sang along to every obnoxious song I could find on Emmett's Ipod. For the first time since Edward's departure I was on a high. Smiling ear to ear, I felt like I had enough energy bursting from me to flip Emmett's vehicle with my bare hands.

At the time, I didn't know if I was more excited to have possibly made some friends outside of Forks High or that I spent the whole day flirting shamelessly with some stranger. It was wrong to do that to Edward, but it took my mind off the loneliness and pain.

It wasn't till I arrived back in the Cullen's driveway that Jacob's last words started to eat away at me. Earlier in the day he had referred to Bella as his best friend. But then at the end of the night he said, "look out for my girl Bells." _Was Bella more to Jacob than I had originally assumed?_ None of it was really my business, but I remembered how Edward always called me his girl even though I wasn't really his girl. _What was with guys saying things were theirs that they didn't really want officially as their own?_

When I entered the house it was around 11:00PM. On a school night that would have been late, but I already had my argument prepared for Esme and Carlisle if they wanted to question why I was out so late. They never questioned anyone else when they were out late. Just because I was the only one in the house who slept didn't mean I had to have a bed time or a curfew.

My bike wasn't in the garage which meant Edward was not back. _Damn him_. When I entered the house the only one around was Alice. _Great._ Obviously ignoring her text message didn't get the point across. She knew not to try and speak to me, but obviously she had gotten amnesia because she spoke directing her words at the only other person in the room, me.

"Gwen, where have you been all day and night?" she reprimanded. She didn't look angry, but more so entirely perplexed and confused.

I shouldn't have been so combative, but I couldn't help it. It was becoming a habit ever since Edward left for me to be short and rude with everyone in the house.

"None of your business; don't act like you care," I snorted. For all I knew, Edward was somewhere out there in real trouble and I wasn't budging on my disappointment with her. I began marching up to my room, but Alice had the audacity to step in front of me. Alice obviously had lost her mind. Yes, she was stronger and faster than me, but I still had height on her. I knew it made no difference. I had never been in a physical brawl with her, and I never wanted to. I wasn't stupid; I know all the Cullens had rock hard bodies and accidentally running into one of them could cause my bones to shatter.

"I really need to know where you were or what you were doing. Why is that such a big deal?" she questioned sternly. I didn't appreciate her intrusiveness one bit.

I gently shoved her aside and continued on to my room, leaving her with this to think on. "You tell me, psychic. Don't you know where we all are at all times?"

I slammed the door shut behind me and knew she heard the lock as it clicked with her

so –called super vampire hearing.

The truth was, if Alice really wanted through that door it would have been cake. This was probably the pinnacle of my rude treatment towards Alice. I was no longer ignoring her; I was back to being callous. I didn't know what was happening to me. Did Edward's absence really turn me into this hollow shell with no compassion or concern for the others I loved? If that really was the case, I didn't want to ponder the idea that what he and I had was unhealthy. I didn't want Edward to be the only reason I had stayed with the Cullens all this time.

I felt like crying for what I had just said to Alice. She didn't deserve one bit of it. She had kept her family and Edward safe all this time with her visions. For all I knew, she had kept me safe many times or even on the best path for my life. Maybe her bringing us to Forks was part of the grand plan to make Edward and I be together. I stared at my gross beach water hair in the mirror and felt disgusted with my own reflection. This was not the girl Carlisle invited into his home, this was not the girl Edward loved, and this was not the girl I wanted to be.

All day long on the beach I was being perceived exactly how I wanted everyone in my life to see me: carefree, youthful, humorous, courageous, and witty. Now, to put it frankly, I was "the bitch who lived upstairs."

In the morning I knew what I had to do. Making amends with Alice and apologizing to everyone for my actions was priority. I had failed to realize that Edward had left us all, not just me. Maybe the others were as equally upset by his absence. How could I have been so selfish and blind? I'm sure Edward being gone was hurting Esme and Carlisle just as much as me. Maybe I was still a little bothered by Alice's reluctance to let me in on whatever she knew, but I wasn't going to hold it against her anymore. I missed Edward and I didn't want to lose Alice in the process. After all, she was my best girl friend.

That night I went to sleep in my bed instead of pathetically waiting like a sad puppy on the window sill. I didn't shower before going to bed. I wanted to take in the scent of the water, the sand, the bonfire, and my new friends as I drifted off to sleep.

I awoke in the morning feeling like my old self for the first time in a week. Showering quickly, I wanted to make peace with Alice as soon as possible. While making myself breakfast in the kitchen I apologized to Emmett for taking his car. He didn't make a big deal of it which only reminded me why I loved Emmett's carefree attitude that I had come to know.

After downing a bowl of cereal I ran down to Alice and Jasper's room hoping they weren't hunting. Alice had no reason to forgive me. My words and actions were unwarranted and I could only hope that forgiveness was in her nature. She had never really needed to forgive me for anything before. This was our first tangle. I knocked on the door softly, "Alice, are you in there?" I asked apprehensively.

The chattering behind the door silenced and Alice poked her pixie face through the door. Before I could speak a word she chirped, "I'd love to go shopping with you in Port Angeles."

Of course Alice already knew what I was going to say. She probably saw my attempt at an apology the second I made the decision to last night. I could have been frustrated that Alice was proving she still had visions, but I swallowed the minor annoyance building in my throat and smiled back at her. "Want to see if Rosalie wants in?" I suggested. Ever since growing closer with Rosalie, I felt the need to include her.

Alice hopped out from the door looking ready as ever to go shopping. "I already told the boys last night us ladies were going shopping today. We need a girl's day out."

I looked up the staircase and Rosalie was standing there dangling her BMW keys as if they were the pass to freedom and all things girly.

She yelled down enthusiastically to Alice and me, "Come on ladies, we have some damage to do!"

A hundred pound weight felt like it was being lifted off my shoulders. Alice was forgiving me much quicker than I deserved and I was getting to spend the day with my two favorite girls, drowning out the past week with endless shopping and Carlisle's black card.

As Alice and Rosalie were hopping into the car I ran back downstairs to where Jasper still sat in their room.

"I'm sorry, Jasper." I owed him an apology just as much as anyone because he was the one who had to cheer up Alice every time she was upset about our situation. He was her backbone and I owed him gratitude and an apology.

Jasper looked up at me with the most endearing smile and spoke the words calmly and quietly, "He'll be back Gwen. Don't worry."

Jaspers words felt like a bullet through my heart. Instead of a bullet of pain, it was shear relief. Finally, someone had said to me what I desperately needed to hear. I didn't know whether or not his words were rooted in some vision Alice had, but I was willing to take them for whatever it was worth.

Before skipping off to my shopping rendezvous with the girls I yelled back to Jasper, "A saint, Jasper! You're a god damn saint!"

I heard him laughing as I exited the front door. Rosalie and Alice were already booming the "Clueless" soundtrack from the Beamer speakers. That movie was awful, but there was no sweeter sound I wanted to hear on the way to Port Angeles; I finally felt back in with the Cullens.

The next week of school went off without a hitch. Esme made my breakfast every morning and I chatted with her in the kitchen feeling like a daughter again. Not for one second did I regret that her blueberry pancakes weren't as good as Edwards. In fact, Edward's absence had been pretty far from my mind. Perhaps it was Jasper's words that put me at ease or that I was getting along great with everyone else. Each day I would trade off who I rode to and from school with. Neither pair seemed to mind. Plus, I'm sure Rosalie was glad to be back in charge of the Ipod in Emmett's car.

I grew accustomed to attending Forks High without reading anyone's mind. Never did I imagine I'd be comfortable with going about my days of school like a normal human being. Lunchtime was perfect and strangely, I didn't feel like a piece of me was missing just because the chair next to me was empty. It was wrong to say, but each day Edward was gone I was becoming stronger. The Cullens were seeing me for me and not just Edward's counterpart. My heart was mending as I was no longer as distressed like the first week. Yes, I still insanely missed him. Some nights I was very lonely, but I kept my chin up. There was something very prideful about having inner strength and each day I gained more. Independence was my present addiction. I liked being able to be my own entity. The kids at school didn't view me as the redhead with Edward like everyone at our past schools did.

Some of them even got the courage to talk to me. I was friendly and outgoing; everybody seemed to enjoy the "Independent Gwen."

Friday afternoon at lunch while walking through the lunch line I accidentally bumped into a girl with my tray.

Her apple fell on the ground and I politely went to pick it up.

"Sorry about that, I'll buy you a new one if you like." I offered while noticing how this girl seemed oddly familiar.

I knew I had never spoken to her, but something about her rang too familiar. I studied her features trying to pinpoint it.

She was extremely shy and replied with her eyes still glued on the floor, "That's okay. I'm not very hungry."

Humor was my weapon. "I don't blame you, the food here is like toxic waste."

She let out a small unenthusiastic laugh, but it was still genuine. The whole week I had gone about taking the initiative to introduce myself, converse, and make friends.

"I'm Gwen. What's your name? I don't think we've met." I did my best to sound very friendly and warm. I knew that sometimes I could come off intimidating and cold.

As she pushed her tray further down the lunch line she replied, "Bella. Bella Swan. Everyone knows who you are."

I should have recognized why her chocolate brown eyes and dark hair seemed all too familiar. This was Jacob's Bella. I cringed at the thought. She was much plainer then I had originally assumed. He wasn't kidding about her being shy. It was like pulling teeth just to get her eyes off the floor. I was curious as to what she meant about everyone knowing who I was, but I thought introducing the fact that we shared a mutual friend was a better idea.

"Oh, I've heard of you too. You're Jacob Black's friend. I met him this weekend down at La Push, he mentioned you." I emphasized the word friend just because this girl made me feel abnormally feisty.

She looked completely disinterested in the fact that we had a mutual friend.

"Yeah, I think he mentioned having met a girl that surfs this weekend. He told me to keep an eye out for you," she noted plainly.

I felt like we were dancing around the truth. It seemed like we both knew more about one another than we led on. Panic ran through my body, thinking what if she had told Jacob all about my family and I was no longer the mysterious girl on the beach.

Sarcasm rolled off my lips, "Small world huh?" I continued, "What did you mean by everyone knows who I am?"

We walked away from the cafeteria line continuing the discussion. "It's just that you guys are new in town. Forks students don't have much to talk about, so new kids at the high school are usually topic of discussion."

I breathed a sigh of relief. Luckily she didn't mean anything strange by her remark. Cullen's didn't have to be in one place too long to build a reputation for themselves, so I was a little worried when she first mentioned it.

Bella was kind of dull and I was seemingly more interested in joining the others at the lunch table then continuing this lackluster conversation with her.

"Your brother has been gone awhile...is he okay?" she asked meekly.

My feet were frozen into the grown like she had just accused me of some awful crime. She had crossed the line by paying enough attention to Edward to notice he was gone. Sure, anyone could have noticed he was gone, but I was bothered by the fact that this girl noticed my Edward was gone and was now questioning his whereabouts.

I snapped at her, "He's not my real brother. Yes, he's okay." I lied because I had no idea if he was okay. "He'll be back soon. He's just ill right now." I hoped she got the point that I referred to Edward as "not my real brother," because Edward and I didn't have a purely platonic relationship. I was marking my territory like I did at every school and pissing on my metaphoric tree. Edward was mine. _Eff Hypocrisy._

She could tell she had trespassed with her question. "Well, it was nice meeting you. See you around. Maybe down at La Push." Instantly, I knew why she had made the La Push remark. If I was staking claim on Edward she was making it known her claim on Jacob. Whether her claim was in reference to friendship or more she was bold in her wording.

I nodded at her and walked towards my table while she took her seat at a table with the rest of the Forks drones. I liked Jacob Black. I did not like Bella Swan. She hadn't done anything directly wrong towards me, but I was never rational when it came to things like this. Sometimes you just get vibes from people. Bella did not give me good vibes.

I took my seat in between Rosalie and Alice and began chomping away furiously at my crappy lunch. Every now and then I would send a death glare in Bella's direction.

She was a threat to my friendship with Jacob and had noticed Edward's absence too much for my own liking. I watched Bella nibble away at her apple. Slyly I thought to myself, _If she be the forbidden fruit, then I be the serpent, who would lead her astray._


	9. The Scientist

**9. The Scientist**

EPOV

When I reached Vancouver, I instantly knew this was the wrong place for my escape. Everything about the weather and landscape was all too similar to Forks. It only made my abrupt departure from home haunt me even more. At the time I left I didn't have a plan, and I still don't. Getting as far away from Bella as possible was the goal. No matter the distance between us the memories of her scent allured me and at the same time made me sick.

I kept playing back the day in Biology in my head, trying to pinpoint the moment I lost all control. I hated Bella for driving me away from my family and Gwen. I loathed her tempting scent and even worse, I was equally devastated and captivated by her subtle beauty.

She was making me lose my mind and I felt like being committed. The answer to my distress was a tiny white room with padded walls and someone to throw away the key. Someone or something had to stop me from killing this girl.

If I had killed Bella what would Gwen have thought of me? Would I have been a monster in her eyes, someone she wouldn't want in her bedroom at night? The thought of Gwen not wanting me in her life was unbearable. I always wanted to be better for Gwen, so she'd see me for me, not the monstrous curse that plagued my life.

There was no way Gwen was going to forgive me easily after ditching her like that. I left her alone at school, alone at the Cullen's with no companion. Most selfishly I left her without the ability to read minds. I knew distance would cause her to lose it, but I had to get away. I also wasn't interested in her reading my mind and knowing how cowardly I really was. Disappearing was my only option.

On the fourth day of roaming the woods in Canada, I found my thoughts consumed by Bella. Replaying the cafeteria scene and her piercing stare only fueled the fire. The emotion I was feeling was far worse than frustration, but I had no other way to describe it. Bella was like a slow killing cancer, eating away at my mind. Aside from the miles that kept us apart, I was drawn to her like a moth to the flame. Here I was hiding out in the forest, soaking in every ounce of self loathing possible. I had exiled myself from Forks until I knew I could safely return, much like when Romeo went to Mantua. Bella was like a drug to me. Her scent made me itch for a fix that I could not attain.

Many times I thought about calling Gwen to apologize or just hear her voice on the other line. Every time I failed because I couldn't promise her when or if I'd return. Calling her would only complicate things. I had to figure everything out on my own. The fact that Bella had become a complete fixation for me would only hurt Gwen, especially if she read my thoughts.

I tried to reason that Alice probably knew where I was and worked diligently to keep everyone calm. For all I knew Rosalie was ecstatic about my absence and throwing a party for the occasion. Surely, Gwen was not taking it well. I felt like a complete ass because I knew she was probably lonely and feeling alienated.

There was not a bone in my body that wanted to be infatuated with Bella, but I just was. She had swallowed me like a black hole and I barely knew anything about her. Wanting to go back to the days when I only had eyes for Gwen, I felt entirely defeated. Damn Alice for leading us to that city. She was trying to sabotage my life. I was being harsh towards Alice. She had never led our family wrong, so I had to hope all of this chaos was part of a bigger plan. Hopefully it was part of a bigger plan that Alice had already figured out.

My stay in Vancouver was miserable. I was in and out of cheap, dingy motels, reluctant to run up a huge bill on Carlisle's card. Plus, the atmosphere of the crappy rooms fed my self-deprecating mood. Every time I went outside and saw Gwen's bike, guilt flooded over me. Letting Gwen go a week at that awful school without me was cruel and unusual punishment. I could only hope she was coping alright without being able to read minds. She was strong and I knew it was something she could handle if she really had to. But Gwen was unhealthily attached to her ability when all I wanted was to be rid of it permanently.

Bella perplexed me to no end. Why couldn't I read her mind? Why was her scent more tempting than anyone else? The last time I was this taken aback was Gwen's arrival. The questions were different, but equally as intriguing. Why couldn't any of us smell her? How was she able to leech off our abilities? Both girls were so fascinating to me.

The beginning of my second week in Vancouver was filled with sunlight that kept me cooped up and imprisoned in my motel room. For a week and a half I wrestled with my thoughts and feelings about both girls. Self control was a necessity in my efforts to return to Forks. I had to find a way around Bella's presence. Part of me desperately wanted to be around her, taking in her floral scent, letting it sting my throat. The other part of me wanted Gwen back in my life. I missed my best friend dearly. I missed band practices and longed for the company of my family, even Rosalie. My decision was made for me. On Friday I'd return to Forks and face my demons head-on.

The ride home went by quickly due to my lack of adherence to road laws. Nothing was going to stop me in my pursuit of seeing the Cullen doorstep as soon as possible. When I arrived, it was early evening and the lights shining through the glass were the most welcoming sight, like presents under a Christmas tree.

I entered the house cautiously, unsure of what everyone's reactions would be, especially Gwen. Alice and Jasper were sitting in the living room playing chess. I never understood why Jasper continued to play games with Alice; she was the biggest cheater.

Alice looked up at me from the couch without the slightest hint of surprise. Of course she knew I'd be home tonight, she was probably awaiting my arrival.

"We've missed you," she chirped hugging her tiny body to mine.

Jasper looked up at me giving a welcoming brotherly nod. Overwhelmed with their warm greeting I almost forgot who I was most excited and nervous to see. I scanned the first floor anxiously for everyone else.

"Gwen's not here," Alice whispered staring into the floor.

My heart sank and my thoughts were consumed with every worst case scenario possible.

"Emmett and Rosalie took her to get ice cream." Jasper said the words nonchalantly as if I shouldn't be shocked by his remark. Coughing in disbelief that Gwen was hanging out with them alone, I felt the need to pinch myself.

"What do you mean she's out with Rosalie? You've got to be kidding me," I snickered.

Before I could continue with my disbelief Alice chimed in, "A lot can change in two weeks Edward, you should know that." I disliked the undertone to her remark. She had to have known about my developing feelings towards Bella, which came as a shock to us both. Change was one thing; Gwen and Rosalie hanging out on their own accord was a paradigm shift. Emmett and Gwen had always gotten along, so that I could understand, but Rosalie, not a chance.

I had only been gone two weeks and one small shocking piece of news made me feel like a total stranger.

"You know I would have warned you if anything bad was going to happen," Alice uttered quietly. She didn't have to mention in detail, we both knew what she was referring to. Alice sounded disappointed, like I didn't trust her.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, touching her shoulder," I know you're watching out for me."

My thoughts kept getting clouded by the looming fact that Gwen was hanging out with Rosalie.

As I headed up to my room, dying to take in the scent of all my books and journals, Alice followed me cautiously. _What bomb was she going to drop on me next?_ There was a sense of impending doom in the air. I plopped down at my desk chair smiling at the collection of my things displayed in my room, when Alice shut the door behind her.

"Edward, you should know it hasn't been easy for Gwen since you left," she began hesitantly. Reading Alice's thoughts greedily to skip onto pertinent information I burst out in anger and disbelief. "She shunned you? Why in the world did she take everything out on you?" I was fuming.

"She was angry I wouldn't tell her any information on your whereabouts or your reasons for leaving."

I felt grateful to Alice for her once again carrying a burden she didn't ask for.

"Thanks Alice," I replied feeling even more guilt building up inside me. I was still extremely bothered by how Gwen treated Alice while I was away. Had I been here none of that would have ever happened.

"I understand why she felt that way. If the tables were turned, if Jasper disappeared, I would have acted really out of character as well," she tried to reason. Alice's soft, understanding demeanor calmed me.

"But just because she and I made up doesn't mean all is well." she added.

The swelling nervousness began to rage in my heart again. _Spit it out already, Alice!_

Alice wandered slowly around my room glancing at the books on the shelf then she explained, "Gwen really has come into her own since you left, kind of out of necessity I guess."

My eyes widened with curiosity, because I couldn't imagine Gwen being any more of her own person then she already was.

"She's made quite a few friends at school and I think even some outside of Forks," Alice boasted proudly.

Any average person wouldn't find the fact that someone made friends disturbing, except me. Before I left and at every school before, all Gwen ever needed was me and the other Cullens. I couldn't really blame her for making friends in my absence. It was probable, but unlikely, maybe she'd introduce me.

My head perked up when I heard Emmett's car roaring into the driveway. Quick as lightning I was down in the living room waiting by the front door with Alice on my tail. I should have remained calm in case none of them wanted to see me, but I was anxious to see Gwen and to hug her and hold her in my arms. I anticipated the angry thoughts I would hear running through her head as I held onto her tiny frame. I didn't care; I wanted to squeeze her and never let go.

The door flew open as Emmett walked into the house laughing with Rosalie and Gwen in tow. Gwen appeared just as I remembered her. She was a striking perfection in every way. I longed for her cherry blossom scent. I stood there by the door like a total schmuck with a grin plastered across my face. Much like a boyfriend who did something wrong waiting to see just how much damage control was needed.

"Hey bro, welcome back!" Emmett greeted while patting my back. He was always so casual about things like this; I guess I could appreciate him for always making light of situations.

I had wanted to see all of the Cullens ever since I left, even Rosalie, but her bitter glance only told me nothing much had changed around here.

Gwen didn't even look up at me from her ice cream; she just stood close to Rosalie. Rosalie had her arm around Gwen in almost a protective manner. Seeing it only made Alice's words a harsh reality. The concept of those two being close sickened me. Rosalie was callous and angry, whereas my Gwen was so free-spirited and happy.

I knew I needed to speak first because I owed her a million apologies and explanations, none of which could make up for abandoning her. "Hi, Gwen," I mumbled discreetly. Sounding utterly pathetic, I dug my hands deep into my pockets ashamed at the fact that I wanted to reach out and touch her, but probably shouldn't.

She glanced up at me with a ferocity I had never seen in her eyes. "Hi Edward," she replied. Gwen didn't follow it with anything else and she headed up the staircase towards her bedroom.

That was all I was going to get after two weeks of being gone. A "Hi Edward." That was all I deserved, but our relationship was much deeper than just a "Hi Edward." She was mocking me. I knew it. Angry with myself that all I could offer in that moment was a stupid "Hi Gwen" I stood idly in the entry hall. What did she want me to do, run up to her and squeeze her tightly in my arms like I desired? Would she rather I let her come to me when she was ready? I worried her two small insignificant words were the result of her becoming callous and hanging out too much with Rosalie. Gwen was never a, "Hi Edward" person. She was usually a softy when it came to me.

She just strolled up to her bedroom without another word, as if I had just gotten back from hunting and had only been gone an hour. Disgust began to eat away at me again, just like in the gross motel rooms. I deserved her disregard and yet longed for the solitude of her bedroom, our sanctuary.

Rosalie leaned into to kiss Emmett on the neck and shot back a look of indestructible victory. That girl was pure evil sometimes. She had to know how bad I felt and yet she continued to rub the salt on the wound. Rosalie had taken my poor little Gwen and royally corrupted her while I was gone and here she was smirking her perfectly shaped lips at me like a god damn victory lap. Rosalie was always jealous of Gwen and I because she wanted a human of her own and more so wanted to be human again herself. All her stupid talk of wanting a real life, babies, birthdays, meaningless crap we had all gotten over forever ago, she still clung to. I wanted to grab her and shake her, yelling, "Befriending Gwen won't make you any less cold and dead than you are." Rosalie's heart was cold from all her years of being bitter and no amount of human contact was going to thaw out her ice queen heart.

Alice touched my shoulder reassuringly, but I pulled away still upset by my failed reunion with Gwen. The whole ride home I had played it out many times in my head and sadly wasn't able to pull off a single one of them. I despised looking like a total chump in front of my brothers and sisters. They knew I had dropped off the face of the planet for some reason and now I was back to make amends. None of them were stupid enough to think I just skipped town for the hell of it; they all knew it had to be something serious, serious enough that I had to get out of town as to not jeopardize the family.

I disappeared quickly from the group and slammed the door to my bedroom. I sat there for hours toying with ideas of how to approach Gwen. It had been two weeks without her and now she was only a few doors away. My entire body was itching for contact with her and here I was cooped up in my room. Not much was different about this situation from being shamefully cooped up in a motel hours away. Just because the scenery was different didn't mean anything had changed. It was getting late and even though tomorrow was Saturday I was worried about how much time I'd have with Gwen. Maybe she had plans to hang out with tons of people tomorrow and had forgotten all about me.

I wanted to break our treaty because I desperately needed to read her mind. I needed to find out the weaknesses and use them against her to mend the situation, to heal her pain.

After the clock stroke 11:00pm and I had quit my endless search for my IPod, I decided I couldn't hold back any longer. I needed to be in Gwen's room. Feeling like a stranger in my room at night, I crept quietly towards her door. The same nervous feeling I had the very first night I went to her bedroom started eating away at me. It was like seeking approval and companionship all over again. _Were we really all the way back at the beginning? _

I knocked once softly. There was no answer, yet I knew she was on the other side. Once again I knocked with a little more force so she could hear me in case she didn't the first time. No answer. Feeling like burying my face into my stone hands because I had pushed Gwen away by leaving, I had to get courage back. This time I didn't knock, I just opened the door. Gwen was a girl and deserved her privacy, but I had to hope I wasn't catching her at any indecent moment when I intruded her room.

There she was propped up against the backboard of her bed with her nose in one of her many books. She had to known I was in the room, but her eyes didn't flicker from the pages once. I should have crawled to her bedside and begged for her forgiveness on my hands and knees. _How could I have done this to her?_

Still with her eyes glued to the book she muttered, "You're right, how could you?" She knew I'd be able to hear her no matter how inaudible she made her words. I didn't know if she was welcoming back the ability to read minds by responding to my thoughts. _Did that mean she missed me or only my ability?_

She coughed in disbelief, turning the page of her book. Her face was still stunning, lit by her bedside lamp; I took in the smell of cherry blossoms that whirled around the room. Since Gwen didn't smell to any of us, she always made an effort to put on perfume and I fell weak to it every time.

"Can I have a seat?" I pleaded, pointing to my usual spot next to her on the bed. Every bone in my body wanted the comfort of "my spot" in that bed. The feel of the soft sheets against my hard skin and the weight of Gwen next to me.

She didn't answer and kept her face buried in the book. I wanted to toss that horrid book out the window and torture the words out of her. My heart, if it could beat again would have been pounding with determination.

There was only one thing to do if this is how she planned on handling things. Just like I went against the grain with entering her room without permission, I walked to what used to be my side of the bed and slowly, non-threateningly crawled under the blanket.

Every inch of her bed felt like home and it killed me that she sat there reading a book like I didn't exist, like I was the ghost of Christmas past or something ridiculous like that. I really wished I had found my Ipod because without it I was sitting there doing nothing while she read. This was not our nightly routine. She reached over to the side of her nightstand and tossed something at me.

It was my Ipod, and that little gesture of her having it and returning it let me know there was hope. I sat there for a few minutes staring at it, thinking about how she must have used it while I was gone. I felt awful that she had to resort to an Ipod to have a little piece of me with her. At that moment I got an idea. I sprinted out of bed, out her door and to my room. I hoped that by the time I got back she hadn't padlocked the door on me and I wouldn't be able to get back in, at least not without breaking it down, and Esme wouldn't have appreciated that.

Fiddling with an outlet next to my side of the bed, I finally got my speakers plugged in. I had never done anything to woo Gwen, but I had to make my move. Something about knowing she really did miss me overwhelmed my already confused emotions. I plugged my Ipod into the speakers and picked a play list that I had left untitled, but it consisted of songs that reminded me of Gwen. I felt like a total cheese ball for pulling this, but I had nothing to lose at this point.

I crawled back into bed while the first song on the play list began to resonate from the speakers. Gwen was a smart girl and I probably should have known she wouldn't fall for something this corny. The music filled the awkward silence in the room and helped the tension you could cut with a knife. It felt like there was a barrier between Gwen and I. Suddenly, she did something unexpected, unless she really was ignoring my presence. Gwen set her book down on the bedside table and flicked off the light. The clock read twelve and she probably was tired; it was strange that she was going to sleep with me still there and things completely unresolved. Perhaps the soft music was making her sleepy.

She rolled over on her side facing away from me and didn't leave her wrist lying in the middle of us like she normally did. My wooing was a failure; she really was ignoring my existence. Sitting there in the dark while Gwen started to fall asleep I felt like a creepy, pathetic guy who thought sweet music could soften a girl. Like a stone gargoyle I remained perched in my position in a room that I no longer seemed welcome in. Who was I kidding? Gwen always saw right through me and offering to share my Ipod wasn't the key to making up with her. A few more minutes passed and all I could think about was how I wanted to touch Gwen and give her that hug that I needed when she arrived back home. Bella hadn't crossed my mind at all since I'd been home and that had to mean something.

Maybe the time apart from Gwen made me realize how much I needed her all along. My fingers played anxiously with the edges of her sheets while I stared over at her side of the bed. There must have been a full moon tonight because I was acting really out of character. My moves were bolder than I had ever been with her and I wasn't stopping till I got what I wanted. I slid further down under the sheets and coyly scooted my cold body towards her.

Everything about my actions was so unknown to me. I had never seduced a girl, let alone my best friend. Never having been physical with a girl in any way, I didn't know if my approach was even correct. Instead of reading the classics I probably should have picked up a book on the art of women at some point.

Gwen laid there motionless, her even breathing made me wonder if she was already asleep and I was just an inappropriate guy trying to get close to a sleeping girl. Her soft red hair was sprawled across her pillows and my hands twitched to reach out and curl the ends around my finger tips. Lying on my side facing her back, I closed my eyes and breathed in her perfume deeply. A few more minutes passed and I inched my body closer to hers, feeling the heat radiate from her skin.

She was almost asleep and I had to find the courage to make a move. Just as the song changed I reached out my shaky hand and placed it gently on her tiny, boney hip. I could hear her heart beat hitch and begin to increase quickly as the pressure of my hand weighed into her side. Gwen just laid there; she didn't jump, move or shove me off or begin screaming. If anything went wrong Carlisle was going to have my head on a stick. He was a more protective father to Gwen than any other girl in the household.

A tiny smile began to form across my ancient face and I felt a warmth flush over me that I had never felt before. _How was it this simple gesture I had never made in my long life sent my emotions soaring in all different directions?_

Even more courageously, I let my thumb sneak under the bottom of her shirt and rest idly on her lower back. She was shaking minutely and I hoped that she wasn't scared and just nervous like me. Her skin was soft and warm, everything I was not. As I let the music and darkness bewitch me, I moved even closer to her where my chest was only an inch away from her back. Gwen and I were a mere inch away from being pressed against one another completely in what Alice called, "The spooning position." I liked spooning already.

I enjoyed the silence between us and how the music seemed to fill every word that I couldn't find. Leaning into her, I whispered with all the sincerity in my body, "I'm so sorry." I winced into her shoulder expecting words of anger in retaliation to my measly apology. All the sudden I felt a tiny warm hand, Gwen's hand, cup my hand resting on her hip and intertwine its fingers in mine. She squeezed them tightly and whispered back, "Never again Edward."

Relief washed over me like the sea over the sand. I wanted to pull her face into my hands and promise never again, but now was not the time to make promises I was unsure if I was able to keep. Gwen took it upon herself to clear the one inch gap between us and scooted her body into mine. We fit perfectly like two crescent moons cradling one another. Exhilaration was only a small part of what I felt with her finally in my arms. Twenty-four long years of tension, games, hiding, restriction and self control had finally culminated in us having a new kind of closeness. Greedily, I took in the scent radiating off her long hair which I tangled in between my other hand.

A million questions raced through my mind. _Was this the moment I had been waiting for? Was this why Alice had brought us to Forks, for this moment in this bedroom?_ Everything about our position was fragile. It wasn't just that Gwen felt tiny and breakable in my embrace, but Gwen and I had just made it through our first rocky patch and I still didn't know if this embrace meant all was well. When Gwen rolled over to face me I was terrified. I didn't think it was going to get this far and certainly hadn't planned for the moment where we'd be face to face with one another. I wasn't prepared to kiss her and I didn't want to. This moment was far too fragile. It may have been selfish, but all I wanted was Gwen's embrace and I hoped that was enough for her. To my relief she buried her head into my chest and let her warm little feet intertwine with mine under the thin sheet. For a brief moment I felt my body shaking with nervousness as now we were in a position of equality, whereas before, when we were spooning, I felt dominant like the protector, wrapping a shell around her.

She didn't push for more than this and I was grateful. We had been through a lot and this was not how I wanted anything else to happen. Not after silence and anger. I felt her tiny lips gently part against my chest and felt the rise and fall of her heart as she drifted off to sleep in my arms.

Not once that night did I read her mind or dreams. I didn't have to and laid there encircled with her embrace, smiling gleefully into the tangles of her hair.


	10. Trying

**10. Trying**

GPOV

I turned off the bedside lamp still ignoring Edward's existence. He wasn't going to get away with a pathetic hello as an apology for what he did. After accepting his absence and embracing my fellow family members more so than I ever had before, things were better, but it still didn't fix what he had done. Jasper reassured me Edward would be back and he was right, probably because he had some insider Alice knowledge all along or he just had more faith in Edward than I did. Either way, his return only irritated me and upset me to no end. One week of missing him and another week of accepting he was gone only made me want to get away from him as soon as I walked in the door.

Edward hurt me and I was putting on a mask of control for everyone else. Yes, I had enjoyed my new-found friendships, my independence, and being able to conquer certain weaknesses, but now I was bitterer towards him than I was towards Alice. I should have jumped into his arms and hugged him tightly, I should have yelled at him never to leave again while banging my tiny fist into his rock solid body. Two weeks only made me apathetic and cold. When he entered my room I planned to ignore his advances and caught myself before I could continue muttering any more of my disgust.

With the bedside lamp off and Edward sitting awkwardly next to me in bed I rolled over with serious intentions to fall asleep. Hopefully he'd get the point and leave. I felt pathetic for returning his Ipod like I did, but it wasn't mine to keep. When he plugged in his Ipod speakers I was a bit surprised at the gesture, even more so confused. I just laid there on my side trying to ignore my favorite untitled play list and fall asleep.

During those two weeks I had grown accustomed to my room without Edward. It felt different, but I wasn't about to allow him to ruin my sanctuary. Each and every bedroom Esme and Carlisle gave me, with my very own bed, meant the world to me. It meant I was no longer an unwanted child in an orphanage, it meant I was part of a family, and it meant I always had somewhere to rest my head at night even when the rest of them weren't sleeping. One traitorous tear dripped down my cheek from my sleepy eyes, perhaps a tear of anger, perhaps of relief. I hadn't let myself cry since the first night he left, but I prayed for sleep so that the floodgates would keep at bay. Even though my heart was still heavy with anger I slowly began to drift asleep. Just as my eyelids grew heavy I suddenly felt Edward's cold hand gently rest on my hip. I had been aching for this moment for years and yet now I lay there frozen in disbelief and confusion. What the hell was he doing? This wasn't an apology or an explanation, it was the actions of a very irrational Edward. He was crossing the line, sprinting over a boundary we had silently set for ourselves since the beginning.

When he moved his solitary thumb underneath my night shirt, resting it against the bare skin of my lower back my heart began to race. All the anger dissolved from my body and now I felt sheer panic spread head to toe. I wondered if he noticed all the goose bumps now dancing across my skin. For a brief moment he just kept his hand there, very still. Was I supposed to make some kind of move; I questioned over and over again.

What kind of apology was this? Never in a million years (Edward and I had that much time if we wanted) did I think this night would turn out how it had. After a few more minutes Edward scooted in closer to my body. We must have been an inch apart and every hair on the back of my neck was standing straight up trying to pull towards Edward's cold skin.

I was a split second away from reading Edward's thoughts before I stopped myself. Something about going two weeks without that ability made me enjoy the unexpected, the unknown, and most importantly the raw feeling of each moment lived without expectation. I sighed, letting go of the control I could have if I just read one miniscule thought.

Just then he whispered into my ear sending chills down my spine the words, "I'm so sorry." Maybe it was the close proximity of our bodies, maybe it was the darkness or the deliriousness of the time, but if he had said it an hour ago it simply wouldn't have been enough. Now the gesture seemed simple and entirely what I needed to hear. My guard was down and I let the apology echo through every cell in my body, letting the bitter feeling of the past two weeks fade away at least for this one moment.

All I could bring myself to say back was, "Never again Edward." Anything more than that would have been a loud screaming argument quickly turned into a fight. If I had let my emotions I'd built up over two weeks overcome me, this fragile moment would be snapped in half just as quickly and unexpectedly as it came.

I let the courage that had festered in me all week allow my hand to reach over my side and grasp my fingers in between his, squeezing firmly. If this was my concession to his efforts, then I was a goner.

Every fiber of my being twitched and ached to fuse that one inch gap between our bodies. I fought it for a good two minutes, the longest two minutes of my life. Finally I gave into my senses and instincts and slid my tiny body into the half crescent of Edward's muscular embrace. I let out a nervous sigh and felt like I couldn't get enough oxygen back into my lungs. It was as if Edward had stolen all the air in the room. Behind me Edward anxiously dug his nose into the strands of my hair sprawled across my pillow. His scent was just as sweet as mine and I was greedy for it. Two weeks without him by my side I had almost forgotten just how much I loved his scent.

Although I thoroughly enjoyed lying with Edward in that position, I had to take our new found closeness a step further. I wasn't about to push it, but I felt the overwhelming need to face him, even if I couldn't see his beautiful eyes in the dark. Anxiously I rolled over on my other side towards Edward, our faces intoxicating mere inches apart. One impatient move and my lips could have been against his. I would not be the first to make this move. If Edward wanted it he had to take it. Juliet didn't make the first move, nor did any of the other great heroines, I wasn't about to play the dominant one this time. When a few moments passed and he hadn't made his move I dug my face into his chest as I curled my feet around his.

The vulnerability in that room was unbearable on both of our sides. I wasn't upset in the least that he hadn't gone in and taken what was always his. Slow and steady had always been our way. Part of me was still upset about the past two weeks, but I made every effort to put it aside for the time being as I laid there contently in his arms. That was the first night that Edward actually pretended to sleep alongside me. I knew when I drifted asleep that he'd have to lay there all night long completely wide awake, but every bone in my body told me I'd awake in his arms when morning came. I drifted into the most perfect slumber of my long life.

In the morning I awoke to the buzzing sound of my cell phone, vibrating against the table next to my bed. I felt Edward's chilled arms still wrapped tightly around my waist and he pulled me back into his embrace as I reluctantly reached for my phone. Squinting my eyes at the sunlight from my window and trying to rid of my blurry vision I opened my phone to find a text message from Jacob. After yesterday and last night I had forgotten all about my Saturday plans to meet him down at La Push. My heart sank in guilt. What was Edward going to think about my new friends, especially friends I had no intentions of introducing him to? Jacob's text message reeked with his excitement for the day ahead. I really didn't want to break plans with him and thought spending the day away from Edward would better let me collect my thoughts on what had just happened between us. I needed to be away from him so he couldn't read my thoughts.

Quickly, I texted Jacob back letting him know I'd see him soon at the cliff. I snapped my phone shut just as Edward leaned over my shoulder nosily. I'm sure it was strange for Edward to know I was getting text from someone other than him or the Cullens. After setting down my phone Edward removed his arms from me and placed them behind his head on his side of the bed. He stared at the ceiling looking one part relaxed and one part clueless. Edward had stayed overnight till morning many times, but the routine had changed as of last night so now what were we supposed to do?

I sat there wondering if he would say anything or if he'd get up and cook me pancakes like the old married couple we were. The silence went on far too long. So, I did what I do best in situations like this: I panicked. Startling Edward I quickly jumped out of bed and began hurriedly getting dressed. He sat up crossed-legged on the bed and watched me curiously as I threw together a backpack for my trip to the beach. Still there was silence. I ran into the bathroom, combed my hair and brushed my teeth. As fast as I was scurrying about my room I must have looked like a mad woman to him. He looked mildly amused at my hurrying about but still said nothing. Why couldn't he just say something and make the situation less awkward?

Once I had gathered all I needed for my day at La Push, I said the first thing I could think of, the truth.

"Um, yeah I had prior plans with friends today. So, I have to go. We will talk later. Bye!"

My words jumbled together at the pace of an auctioneer and before he could even respond I had shut the door behind me and scurried outside. I snagged the keys to his Volvo and only found it appropriate since he had borrowed my bike for so long which now sat perfectly in its place in the garage. I tied to my board to the top of his car quick as lightning in case he felt like coming outside and saying something. I glanced out the rear view mirror as I exited the driveway, with no Edward in sight.

On the drive to La Push I kept banging my head against the steering wheel, calling myself an idiot. I can't believe I just ran out this morning like I did. After everything that happened last night I just left, like my plans were more important than the looming discussion that lay ahead. I was being a complete flipping idiot. Bringing his car was the dumbest idea ever as I pulled into the same spot at the cliff, realizing an explanation for the missing Hummer might be asked. Still highly reluctant to tell Jacob and the others about my family I tried to think quickly of excuses as to why I had another car.

Jacob stood waiting for me at the very same spot we met. At least the sunny weather was an insurance policy that even if Edward knew where I was he couldn't get to me. Jacob's russet skin looked smooth and alluring under the early morning sunrise. His hair was down and shaggy, not tied back like last time. Looking around, bewildered at the fact it was just us two, I noticed the rest of the La Push boys were nowhere to be found.

"Heya Gwen!" Jacob ran up and hugged me tightly as I stepped out of the Volvo. It was so strange to have someone other than a Cullen being close to me like that. Jacob had no qualms about being all touchy-feely; that much was clear and frankly I didn't seem to mind.

"So where's the rest of the gang?" I questioned, not wanting to sound too concerned. If Jacob really was going to teach me to cliff dive today I didn't want an audience.

Jacob looked disappointed that I was concerned with others on our day together. "Oh, they are back on the res, we do this all the time together so I told them to stay home." He stared at his feet embarrassed and I could have sworn I saw him blush a little beneath his dark skin.

He quickly recovered, "I can call them if you want, they might even stop by later."

I smiled warmly at his gesture, "It's ok, I'd rather not have anyone here to laugh at my sad attempts."

Jacob said nothing. Once again I used humor to break the tension. "Then again maybe we should have someone on standby to call the paramedics in case I don't make it." I smiled shyly. I couldn't help but be bothered by the fact that every conversation with Jacob felt like endless flirtation.

He proceeded to walk up to me attempting to look all tough and suave leaning in closely with his hand on my shoulder, "Well, I'm certified in CPR." He winked at me. I shoved him off and laughed at his failed attempt at sounding smooth, hoping I wasn't royally bruising his ego.

I walked cautiously over to edge of the cliff to look down at what might possibly be my eminent demise. The waves looked rough and crashed abruptly against the rocks below. The sun warmed my skin, but goose bumps popped up all over my body as I gulped down the reality of the feat I was about to take on.

As I stared down into the water with a terrified look Jacob walked up behind me making me jump. He put his arm around me. "You're going to be fine kid, I promise." Jacob was reassuring, but not nearly enough. Sheer terror was welling inside of me. If Edward or Alice knew what I was getting myself into they'd flip out. Once you're given the gift of eternal youth you're only messing with fate by doing things like cliff diving.

I loved Jacob's overwhelmingly warm confidence in me. This was only the second time we had met and he was already acting like I could do anything, like he had endless faith in me. Whereas Edward would constantly try and shelter me from harm, Jacob was willing to throw me headfirst, literally, in harms path, knowing I'd survive. That was the main difference between Jacob and Edward. Edward was overly cautious with me and constantly dancing on egg shells. Ever since the first moment I met Jacob he was bold and dangerous, he lived on the edge even though his life was much more fragile than Edward's or mine.

As I peered over the rocky ledge I shakily asked, "Jacob, tell me how not to kill myself doing this." More than anything I wanted to prove to Jacob, to myself, to the others, and to Edward that I was capable of doing this. Living with vampires was one risk, diving off a cliff was a whole other.

Jacob spent about a good fifteen minutes explaining everything I needed to know about the jump, the free fall, and the landing. We spent about another hour, chatting over a snack, trying to encourage me to get the guts to do it. It probably wasn't the smartest thing in the world to jump after just eating, but there was no time like the present.

I walked to the ledge and took in the sea air, letting it soar through my nose down my throat straight to my lungs. The wind blew through my hair and closed my eyes, taking in deep, long breaths to calm my shaking knees. If I had stood any closer to the edge my shaky knees would have probably sent me falling right off the ledge. As I stood there trying to calm my breathing I felt a warm hand reach for mine. I looked to my right and Jacob was staring back at me intently. Part of me felt like I needed to immediately pull my hand away from his after mine and Edward's new relations. Unfortunately fight or flight and the adrenaline running through my body wouldn't allow for that. My hand clung tightly to his as if it were cemented there all along.

"You know we can jump together the first time if you want?" He smiled calmly and offered me a sense of relief I hadn't had all morning since I arrived. In that moment Jacob's gesture was all I ever needed.

I nodded at him, conceding to his offer, still concentrating on my wobbly knees. I kept staring into Jacob's deep black eyes because I was too nervous to face the beast head on.

Once again he flashed his perfect teeth my direction and said, "You know you could try and look at me when we jump if it will make you less nervous, but I highly suggest looking straight out. Come on, Gwen, just look at how beautiful it is."

Slowly I turned my head outward to the sea and gazed upon the rare Washington sun as it made the ocean sparkle beneath me. Jacob was right, it would be much better to stare in awe at what was before me when I jumped.

I took in one last deep inhale and said, "I'm ready," squeezing his hand just a little tighter.

Smoothly he said, "Trust me. On three. One….two….three….!"

It was only a split second from the time he said "three," when I felt the air rushing past my entire body and the view in front of me pass hurriedly like a blurry Van Gogh painting. A painting of oranges, blues, and grays all melting into one another. My only comfort was the warm hand I clung to for dear life. Not one scream passed from my lips as my hand parted from his and slipped into the icy, sharp, cold water below. The cold water overcame my body as adrenaline sprinted from every end of my limbs. I swam quickly to the surface of the water gasping for air. In that moment that I caught my first breath I felt as if a baptism of sorts had occurred. My body and mind was completely in sync and I felt a sense of freedom that was indescribable. I waded there speechless, in the water looking around for Jacob.

When I saw his long wet hair pop up from under the ocean I looked over at him and let out the loudest scream my overwhelmed lungs would allow.

He splashed some water at me and swam my direction while I treaded in the sea. "I told you, you could do it" he yelled hugging my body tightly in the water. My eyes stared in disbelief up at the monstrous cliff I had just freely leaped from. The tide started to pull us towards shore.

"Come on Gwen, this way." Jacob led us away from the rocks back towards the warm La Push shore.

When I crawled weakly to the shore I plopped my whole body down on the sand. I felt like a jellyfish, all of my muscles were overwhelmed with adrenaline and excitement. Jacob sat down next to me and I noticed all the little beads of water scattered about his muscular body. I sat there soaking in the sunlight trying to catch my breath.

"That was the single most exhilarating moment of my life," I gasped at Jacob. He had no idea how much longer than him I had lived and how monumental this moment really was for me. He also had no idea how much regret I felt saying that after the exhilaration I had felt last night with Edward.

Jacob laughed and lay down on his back putting his arms behind his head in the same satisfactory manner Edward had done this morning. Both of them had conquered me in different ways.

I shook my head in disbelief looking out at the water coming to terms with what I just did. "Damnit where is Quil, I wanted to make him feel like a pussy." I didn't usually use such vulgar language, but I was so at ease there on the beach with Jacob and I had an overwhelming sense of freedom to do and say as I pleased.

Jacob looked at me like I had just said ten times worse vulgarities; he was probably just as shocked as I was to hear the word leave my lips. I think he had already figured out that I wasn't the type of girl that talked like that. But, up until an hour ago I wasn't the type of girl who cliff dived and up until a night ago I wasn't the type of girl who cuddled with a boy all night long.

I huffed at him, "Don't act like such a goody two shoes," rolling my eyes.

He nudged me hard, knocking me over into the sand. "Babe, I'm no goody two shoes, I promise."

I propped myself back up and looked at him as sexily as a waterlogged girl could, "Savage, real savage, I'm sure." I mocked.

Looking off into the distance he replied quietly, "You have no idea." He had to of known I heard his reply and I questioned what the hell he meant by that. Maybe the La Push boys were bigger troublemakers than I had assumed. Perhaps Jacob was playing it PG with me.

Scoffing, "You must think you're real tough res boy." I smiled at him slyly.

He looked over his shoulder with a kind of sultry intention I didn't know was capable of a boy his age. "Don't play with fire lady," he warned.

"What you going to do about it, pup?" I boasted at his young age.

"That's it!" He jumped up then scooped me up into his arms while I flailed and screamed for him to put me down. He dragged me unwillingly to the water and dumped me straight into the cold tide. As soon as I was able to pull myself up from the rough tide I dove at him pulling him down into the water with me. A few minutes of us wrestling in the water went on till I realized just how intimate this whole charade was.

Our playfulness was broke when I heard a boy call from the shore, "Hey lovebirds did you decide to swim when Gwen couldn't hack the cliff?"

We walked towards the shore and I glared angrily at Quil. First I didn't appreciate the lovebird comment even though from our antics in the water we probably appeared like it. I also hated how he assumed I hadn't conquered what took him much longer to.

"For your information we jumped half an hour ago." I smirked confidently at him and said it loud enough so the other guys in the distance could hear my declaration.

Paul ran up the second he heard my boast. "Jacob, did she really jump first try? I don't believe it," he questioned.

Before I even had to defend myself Jacob jumped it. "Of course she jumped first try. I told you she had bigger balls than Quil." Paul began to laugh and point obnoxiously at Quil. His cheeks slightly reddened with embarrassment and I didn't want my victory to be his loss.

Now was not the time for me to try and console Quil with my girly charms so I just let it go. The other's walked up to us with Sam leading the way like always. "So local here has some guts, does she," Sam questioned.

Maybe I should have been offended he called me a local and assumed I was dull like all the other Forks residence, but I was on their turf still and didn't feel like arguing. With all the courage and left over adrenaline from earlier I directed at Sam, "How's about round two, boys?"

Sam smiled at me and nodded at Paul standing next to him. Jacob stood by my side looking impressed at how I stood my ground with the others. Still unsure of whether or not I'd be able to do it again without holding Jacob's hand we took off towards Sam's truck.

Sam and Paul rode shotgun while Jacob, Quil, Embry, and I all rode in the open bed of the truck. There was a local law against this, but it was apparent La Push boys weren't about obeying local authority. They ran their lives by a whole different code, set by a higher authority.

When we arrived at the cliff again I glanced nervously at Jacob and he smiled back at me confidently. Everyone standing by the edge of the cliff was still giving Quil crap about how I conquered the jump first time. The first two to jump were Sam and Paul. "See you at the bottom," Paul said cockily just as he took a leap with perfect formation the whole way down. Quil and Embry were next. If I hadn't known otherwise the two could have passed for twins, easily brothers with the way they teased one another. Embry jumped first with a dive head first. Quil followed with a flip, probably showing off trying to make up for all the teasing he received. I stepped nervously to the ledge as if I hadn't done this an hour earlier. My knees began to shake again and Jacob took his spot next to me.

He waited anxiously to see if I would take his hand. I didn't want to seem anymore like a couple or a coward then already so I said, "I think I'm good this time." I lied to myself. Instead of looking straight out into the endless blue I kept my eyes glued on Jacob's. "One… two… three!" I yelled and both of our feet anxiously left the ground in unison. The free fall seemed shorter than last time, but just as much exhilaration coursed through my veins as before.

The water crashed against my skin, piercing me like thousands of needles. When I swam my way to the surface I was greeted with everyone's cheers and yells except Quil who just looked perturbed. Suddenly I felt a hand around my waist, looking to my left I found Jacob proudly showing me off like some trophy. It was kind of nice to have someone standing up for me like that and wanting to show me off.

"I told you guys!" Jacob yelled as we swam quickly back to shore.

When we arrived back on land Emily was there waiting. Sam ran up to her and gave her a huge wet hug. In the sunlight she still looked beautiful despite the scars across her face.

"You guys hungry?" she asked warmly displaying all the food in her car.

Quil and Embry worked hurriedly to build a small fire for us to cook hotdogs on. Emily was like the mom of the entire group. She brought everything for the perfect lunch and laughed as the boys ate like savage beasts having their last meal. I sat next to Jacob while our hot dogs cooked on long hanger wires. Paul and Quil had the grossest burping contest while Sam and Emily snuggled on the log across from Jacob and me.

The afternoon passed quicker than I would have liked with surfing, more cliff diving and tons of food thanks to Emily. When the sun began to set the scene turned into the bonfire much like the last time. More teens from the res began to arrive. Jacob introduced me to a brother and sister named Leah and Seth. The sky got darker and darker when I realized I had a ton of unsettled business at home. I wanted to stay with Jacob and all the others who I knew I could now call my friends.

"Hey Jake, I got to go, I have stuff at home to do."

Looking disappointed, he replied, "Oh fine, party pooper."

"Sorry," I said and I really meant it.

He began walking me to my car, "It's alright, I think Bella is coming down in a little while."

An unsettling feeling dropped to the pit of my stomach. What did that mean? Was Bella my replacement or was I hers? Bothered by the fact that Bella had known them all longer, I marched quickly to my car door.

"Cool, tell her I said hi." I muttered. I said it not because I wanted anything to do with her, but I wanted her to know I had been there. Sometimes I could be so devious.

"Alright, will do. See you again soon?" He flashed me that same perfect smile.

"Count on it!" I smiled back. This time I went in for the hug first.

Jacob practically skipped with glee back to the others as I climbed in the car. On the drive home I smiled uncontrollably with the excitement from my day and the friends I had made. Jacob and the Quileute boys finally made something come into perspective that I had never thought of before. I had sacrificed a lot living with the Cullens. I had given up my precious sunlight; I had given up the idea up of aging gracefully and leading the normal path of life, marriage, children, and death. I was willing and sacrificed it all to be with the Edward. I gave up the concept of normalcy and surrounded myself with things that most only saw in nightmares. Not to mention repeating school over and over again. At the real age of forty-one I should be enjoying the over the hill years and here I was trapped in a seventeen year old body. At forty-one years of age I should have experienced my first kiss a long time ago, I should have cliff dived many times by now, I should bear a wedding ring on my finger, I should be able to trace the wrinkles on my face and attribute an experience to each and every one. I didn't regret my sacrifices but it wasn't till now when I realized they had been made. Even if the night ahead consisted of nothing but chaos or silence, today was, simply put, amazing.


	11. The Small Print

**11. The Small Print**

EPOV

When she arrived back at the house I was irate. "Where the hell have you been all day?" I scowled.

"Don't talk to me like that," she spat back and I was a bit shocked with her attitude. Then again, my tone wasn't much better.

Alice and I had worried all day about Gwen's whereabouts and all she wanted to do was get sassy with me.

"When Alice sees you leaving the house with the decision to jump off a cliff, damn right I'm talking to you like this," I berated her impatiently.

Not longer after Gwen left this morning Alice found me. Her face was stricken with horror and concern. She explained to me how she saw Gwen throwing herself off a cliff today, but couldn't see past that. Alice sat all day long in the living room with Jasper working to extend the vision or see another decision. She couldn't see where Gwen headed or if she was with anyone.

My entire afternoon consisted with me pacing back and forth in the living room waiting for something else from Alice. Frustrated to no end, I felt like searching every inch of Forks for her. The task was impossible without putting us all in jeopardy. The entire day was blanketed with sunny weather and Gwen was the only one who could roam safely. I felt imprisoned in the house, left with only the idea that somewhere Gwen was plunging to her death. Yes, I had left her for two weeks, but how could she pull something like this. Everyone in the house was frantic over it. Alice thought she was losing her mind because the visions didn't come.

One night of cuddling and I had sent the girl on a suicide mission. I would damn myself for eternity if my silence this morning brought upon all this. When she finally arrived back at home, anger consumed me. She hadn't the foggiest idea what she put all of us through, especially me.

She looked bewildered, but also like she was keeping a secret. As I wrestled internally with all my anger I grabbed her swiftly and pulled her to my chest in the kind of hug I should have done yesterday. "Seriously, where have you been?"

Gwen pulled back slowly from me and looked up at me; tears were seconds from crashing down her cheeks.

"I'm sorry, what's going on? I was with friends at the beach," she whimpered innocently.

Alice stood up from the couch and walked briskly over to Gwen. "Gwen, I saw you jump off a cliff. We thought you were…" her words trailed off she didn't need to finish her thought because we were all thinking it, all of us except Gwen.

"Thought what?" she pressed. Gwen stood there like a lost puppy and the confused expression on her face only meant one thing; she had no clue what Alice and I were getting at.

I decided the best thing was to spit out where we were going with all of this. "She saw you jump off a cliff; we thought you were trying to kill yourself, you've been gone all day," I summarized coldly. Alice stepped in to continue, "Gwen I need to know where you were, who you were with."

Defensively she replied, "Why does it matter? I'm here and alive." She was still dancing around the real issue at hand. Alice couldn't see her in the visions wherever she was. This was a big deal to us all.

I put my hands firmly on her shoulders, "What don't you get? Alice couldn't see you today. You've had all us all worried sick. Something about where you were or what you were doing is stopping Alice from being able to see," I ranted, as each word came out of my mouth I got louder and louder till I was almost screaming at her.

She now looked very upset as if we were intruding with our interrogations. Why the hell wasn't she getting how serious this was?

"Fine!" she screamed surrendering her hands in the air dropping her bag on the floor. "I went cliff diving. So shoot me. Is that a crime now?"

I gasped for air at the thought of Gwen throwing her entirely breakable body off a cliff. In that moment I felt extremely parental and protective of her. I wanted to ground Gwen, lock her up in a room and throw away the key, at least until she saw how careless she was being with her life.

"You what?" I choked out disbelievingly.

She moved extremely close to my face and spoke sternly, trying to cut me with her words, "I WAS CLIFF DIVING, NOT COMMITTING SUICIDE." She lowered her voice and stammered, "I went cliff diving all day with some friends down at La Push."

Alice stepped in between Gwen and me, trying to calm us. When the word "friends" fell off her tongue I felt a minute sting in my heart. She had left the day after our monumental night to go cliff diving with what I considered to be strangers. She wasn't somewhere thinking alone, she wasn't nervous or upset about what had happened; in fact our night was the furthest damn thing from her mind.

"Is this the first time you've done this or been with these friends Gwen?" Alice queried like she was trying to string together a chain of events in her head.

"No, only one other time," she replied disdainfully. Gwen folded her arms over her chest looking entirely fed up with us, understandably so because Alice and I were coming off like dictator parents.

"I knew it!" Alice squeaked. "This has only happened one other time and it was the first day you met these people. Who are they?" Alice looked quizzical while I remained on edge.

Gwen plopped herself down on the couch still with her arms folded tightly across her chest. She knew the conversation wasn't going to end anytime soon and there was no way to get around us; we outnumbered her and if I had to read her mind I'd do it.

"For your information," she paused, "I was cliff diving down at La Push with some friends from the reservation," Gwen huffed arrogantly.

For the first time in the entire conversation Jasper spoke before I could and I already knew and agreed with what he was about to say. "Gwen don't you know what the Quileutes think of us? Has no one told her anything?" He looked around accusingly at Alice and me, frustration radiating from his strained eyes.

Alice and I looked at one another knowingly and now Gwen's eyes lit up in confusion because she knew not only did we outnumber her, but she was the odd man out.

"What hasn't anyone told me?" She eyed me with abandonment.

All the sudden Emmett came barreling down the stairs with Rosalie on his arm interrupting the entire mood of the conversation. "They don't like us Gwen, not one bit. In fact they are the only one in town with remotely a clue as to what's going on."

Gwen remained motionless, staring at me without blinking, questioning without words why she was just now being let in on all this. "They know about us?" she snapped, more than likely upset with her own self loathing that she hadn't been a good enough watchman. It wasn't her fault she would have had no way of knowing about the Quileute legends and history when it came to others of our kind.

Jasper once again took the lead. "Three others of our kind have been on this land before. They're not like us, extremely nomadic, with hunting terms of their own."

Emmett interjected, "Not vegetarians." He winked.

"The elders of the Quileutes know about them and somehow managed to run them off a long time ago. But that doesn't mean the damage wasn't already done." Jasper looked like he was recalling the old war stories of his confederate days.

Finally it was my turn, "We can't be sure if the elders have passed down the knowledge they've been privy to. But one can guess they've influenced the others to stay away from us."

"Plenty of rumors swarm around the reservation. They won't even let their sick come be treated at Carlisle's hospital. It's ridiculous if you ask me." Rosalie snorted.

Gwen's pale skin was now scarlet with anger, "Why the hell am I the last to know any of this?"

"It doesn't concern you, you're still human. They don't have anything against you," I said carelessly, knowing that saying it "didn't concern her" was an awful choice of words.

It did concern Gwen, she was family, and now that she had apparently befriended some of the Quileutes she was caught in the crossfire, a burden she shouldn't have to carry.

"Carlisle has already insured a treaty with their elders, and they better obey it," Rosalie proclaimed while giving a sly glance at Emmett. Those two would be just tickled if someone crossed the line and a battle of sorts occurred but the rest of us were concerned about the family and our identities.

Gwen looked pleadingly at Jasper, she obviously trusted him over anyone else right now being as he was most disappointed that Gwen wasn't informed.

He touched Gwen's shoulder reassuringly, "Don't worry Gwen; nothing will happen if we don't go on their territory and they don't come on ours. No one gets hurt."

She stared down at her hands looking ashamed. "They don't know who I really am. They have no clue who my family is. If they did, they probably wouldn't be hanging around me, would they?" Gwen trailed off working hard to keep herself composed. She sounded a lot more disappointed than someone should over people she had just met.

I couldn't get out of my head that Gwen had spent the entire day with a group of people who hate us after what happened between her and I last night. She was also probably right, if they knew her family they would think differently of her. They had no reason to, she wasn't exactly like us, but who knew how they would see it.

Finally the conversation reached full circle when Alice interrupted with a more important fact. "Edward I can't see things clearly when it comes to them, whether it's her being around them or just on their land. It's not good."

A light bulb had finally gone off in Gwen's head and now she could see why we were so concerned and panicked earlier.

She looked at Alice apologetically, "I'm sorry Alice, and I don't know why you can't see when I'm with them. I didn't mean to alarm you, or anyone," Gwen admitted with guilt sprawled across her facial features.

Gwen looked more defeated than I had ever seen her and it was saddening. For one day I had just a taste of what it was like to not know where she was or if she was okay and I shuddered to think what it would be like for two weeks without her. It only made me think about how I really didn't deserve last night, how I didn't deserve her forgiveness, and how harsh I was being. Granted, Alice hadn't seen me jump off a cliff, but it was still the same concept.

An even more pressing issue was now eating away at me. Who were these people from the reservation she was hanging out with? In my opinion not the right kind of people, because I'd never have my friends jumping off of cliffs potentially threatening their lives. I instantly disapproved. As of now, I disliked the Quileutes almost as much as they disliked my family. Today's events made it plainly clear none of them had Gwen in their best interests. If I had known of her plans she would have never made it out of the house.

Every time she hopped on that monstrous sports bike alone, I practically lost it and replaying the thought of her standing on some ledge over the ocean shook me to the core. Everything seemed so far from where we were last night. The entire night she spent sleeping soundly in my arms, an endless calm, was now smeared with anger, yelling, and disapproval.

Apparently Gwen and I weren't over any sort of hump. I would be lying to myself if I wasn't threatened by her newfound friendships, especially since they already disliked us and now Alice had no way of seeing her when she was with them. Carlisle wouldn't allow it; I had to convince him to forbid her, somehow.

Looking at Gwen, she was visibly upset, and it felt like the awful scene where Juliet's mother forbade her from seeing Romeo. Hopefully there was no Romeo on the beach, but we have never had to put restrictions on her like this. What was unsafe for a few was unsafe for all. Her new friends simply had to go, all ties severed. She didn't understand that they already knew too much.

She picked her stuff up from the ground and dragged her legs up the stairs to her room. I stayed behind with Alice to discuss some possible reasons for her visions being unclear. She spent the rest of the night in Carlisle's office discussing different scenarios and I wandered about lazily in my room wondering what Gwen was doing in the other room.

A real best friend, a good boyfriend, would have wanted to hear all about her day. Cliff diving wasn't just a day at the park; any average person would have been excited to tell of their adventures. Unfortunately, my willingness to be a real or good anything to Gwen was clouded with prejudgments and anger. Something in the air told me tonight would be very different from last night. Not only did we have Alice and Gwen's issues to deal with, but tomorrow meant seeing Bella again; I shuddered at the thought. First thing in the morning I would try to get in a different class. Maybe there would be room in something more advanced like Physics.

I waited till ten o'clock before deciding I should approach Gwen as if it were any other night. Like every night before I knocked gently waiting for her response. I heard a quiet, "Come in," which was better than the silent treatment from the night before.

It caught me off guard when I saw her in bed without a book. Instead she was just sitting upright in bed playing with her phone. The second I entered she placed the phone next to her on the nightstand. _Who the hell is she texting this late at night?_ I hoped she was just enveloped in a serious game of Tetris.

Taking my spot next to her in bed she didn't look very eager for my company. Before I could say anything she looked at me intently, "I don't know if I'm going to stop hanging out with my new friends."

Her words cut through me like daggers. After all, they were just new friends, but her friends hated my family and our kind, they also weren't looking out for Gwen. Again she spoke without needing a response from my side.

"I won't make a promise about staying away from them, if I can't keep it. I know for some reason Alice can't see me when I'm with them, but I'll be better about letting someone know where I am." Her words were emotionless and flat as if she had been planning them out for hours.

Staring into the wall I shook my head in disappointment as she continued. "Maybe I can find out why Alice's visions are affected the way they are," Gwen reasoned.

She was trying to cover up her hang outs with some sort of secret Cullen clan mission and I wasn't about to approve just because she was going to feed off of Alice and Carlisle's curiosity. In my opinion I'd rather never know why Alice was affected and just stay the hell away from it all together. Better safe than sorry.

"They don't like us Gwen. It's not safe and I don't approve. Hang out with the kids at school, anyone but the Quileutes; their elders know too much." I was jumbling all my thoughts that needed to be explained and reiterated. Failingly, I pushed way too much into one remark.

"Edward," she coaxed, "I'll find out for myself who my real friends are and the second they put me or my family in jeopardy is the day they messed with the wrong girl." The intensity in Gwen's eyes was extreme and confident. She wasn't asking me anymore, she was telling.

All at once the inner child with no filter poured out of me, "Once they find out who your family is they won't want you. Believe that! Whatever makes you think your friendship with them is worth hurting this family over is beyond me." My words were cold, thoughtless and entirely out of line, but I had to make the point clear that I didn't approve of any of this. I didn't care if she wanted to tell us every time she hung out with them; we had no way to get to her if she needed our help. La Push was their land and we were banned either by sunlight or hostility.

Tears gathered in the bottom of her precious blue eyes and yet I didn't stop. "Not to mention Gwen, you're a damn Cullen or did you forget? That hostility goes for you as well. Once they find out who you are and that you've been on their land we may as well throw a Cullen family get together on the beach," I fumed.

Her tiny white fists clenched into tight balls and I could see her veins coursing with frustration. "They aren't like that, you judgmental ASSHOLE!" she screamed so loud I was worried Esme would come rushing in at any minute.

Astounded by the fact that she had just stood up for the Cullen haters and called me an asshole in their defense, I clinched my teeth furiously. The Gwen next to me was not the girl who would do anything for me or our family. She was not the same and as far as I was concerned I wanted to go down to La Push and demand the ocean return the real Gwen to me because in my eyes she had been swallowed whole that day at the beach.

The whites of her eyes were bloodshot red and she wiped furiously at the tears dripping down her soft cheeks. I'm an awful person. First I disappear for two weeks because of another girl, now here I am dragging Gwen emotionally into the ground with careless but necessary words.

I desperately wanted to pull Gwen into my arms and squeeze her tightly. She needed to know my words were only the protect her. Hopefully she would see that she didn't need the Quileutes as friends. She had friends at school, the Cullens, and she had me. It wasn't that big of a loss. Her small wound that ached now would scab and heal. But something about the tears on her face and the defiant words spilling off her lips told me that she had no intentions of heeding my warnings.

She turned to me and I couldn't look away from her soaked blue eyes; the blue looked torn, darkened, and jagged with mixed emotions. Gwen then directed her wet stare towards the door, "I think I want to be alone tonight," she whispered reluctantly, knowing the implication of her words.

For the first time she was asking me not to stay in her room, our sanctuary. I pulled my numb body from my side of the bed and glided towards her side. I hugged her frail body as she sat upright in the bed. Before letting go I placed a gentle kiss on top of her head, taking in the salt water scent from the ocean that swallowed my Gwen.

I let go and she said nothing, she just stared blankly at the door. Before exiting the room I asked, "Blueberry or Chocolate Chip?" Her tiny smile gave me a brief glimpse of hope. "Blueberry, of course," she replied. I closed the door and walked back to my room with a heavy heart, slightly comforted by the fact that I'd still be making Gwen pancakes in the morning.

I decided the best thing to do before taking on tomorrow was to hunt. Alice offered her company, but I wanted to be alone. That night I gorged myself on the blood of animals, preparing to reunite with Bella's scent. When I arrived back home in the morning to cook Gwen's breakfast my eyes blazed like liquid gold.

I was furiously preparing the pancakes when Gwen arrived at the bottom of the stairs. Her eyes were puffy and red; I hoped she hadn't cried herself to sleep. Sluggishly, she plopped herself down at the kitchen table. When I placed the food in front of her she smiled courteously. I longed for a genuine unbound smile, but it did not come.

"I think I'll take my bike alone today. I'll follow you if you want," she said stiffly while shoveling breakfast into her mouth. At first I was upset that again she wanted to be alone. But I quickly reasoned with myself that if Bella led me to another quick bail out I'd want my own escape vehicle on hand. I smiled in agreement. On the way to school Gwen followed the Volvo close behind and I anxiously glanced out my rear view mirror every three seconds in a protective habit.

We arrived at school and the dread began to sink in. I'm sure Gwen was glad to have mind reading back under her belt, but I was worried sick about Biology class. I told Gwen I'd meet her at first period and scurried off to the office. After ten minutes of bickering and a few attempts at dazzling the secretary, getting out of Biology was a lost cause. I practically moped the whole way back to class knowing what I was sentenced to after lunch.

The first two classes of the day went by perfectly. As redundant and dull as school was, I was happy to be sitting side by side with Gwen again. I was even mildly amused when Gwen corrected our math teacher on a very difficult equation. She was so adorable when she showed off. All I could think about was this is where she belonged, with me, not cliff diving in La Push.

At lunch, per usual, I walked with Gwen through the lunch line and joined the others at our table. The two weeks away in Vancouver made me appreciate the buzz of the lunchroom, the sticky table in front of me, and the company of my siblings. I fought the urge to scan the room for my enemy, but I already knew exactly where she was.

Gwen giggled and mingled with everyone at the table as if yesterday's debacle never occurred. A guy named Mike Newton walked by and gave her a friendly hello to which she replied, "Hope you had a good birthday, sorry I missed the party." Disbelievingly I glanced at Alice who shot me an "I told you so," look. Gwen really had made friends in those two short weeks.

When my gaze accidentally wandered to Bella's lunch table, I was elated to find the back of her head facing me. She's lucky she wasn't looking at me; she'd only be met with the cold, bitter stare of a man driven from those he loves. I loathed that girl and yet my bite lusted for her intensely.

When the bell rang I was startled and practically jumped from my seat. Instantly I considered ditching; I was not going to hell in a hand basket. Gwen and I walked to class and I stayed close by her side, partially in fear of what might happen and partially because I regretted the time I abandoned her in this exact spot.

We parted ways and Gwen shot me a reassuring look. Of course she was fine; she probably made friends with the entire class during my absence. I walked hesitantly

into Biology, half hoping to see someone else sitting in my seat at the lab table. To my dismay, my seat was still empty, waiting for me, and Bella sat beside the open chair smiling in an oddly welcoming manner.

I shot her a look of disgust. I wasn't happy to see her. My disgust did not seem to waiver her enthusiasm as I took the seat next to her. First things first, I needed to take a breath of air into my lungs. I had been holding my breath since I walked into the classroom. Slowly, I allowed the air to filter through my nose, down my throat. Once again I felt the burning sensation of Bella's floral scent consume me. This time was different. The burning sensation did not cease, but I didn't feel compelled enough to kill her.

My body shook when her tiny gentle voice startled me. "Welcome back. Are you feeling better?" she prodded. My prior plan to ignore her completely instantly came to a screeching halt. I stared straight ahead and replied coldly, "Just a bug. I'm fine now." She continued gazing in my direction. I could see her from my peripheral vision; she appeared harmless and sincere. _Why did this stranger care where I was? Had she really taken that much notice to my two week absence? _

She continued with her cordial introductions, "I'm Bella Swan; it's nice to officially meet you." She was bold in the mere fact that she was talking to me, but there was still a shyness radiating off of her. I could tell she wasn't into talking for talking's sake. She fiddled with the edge of her notebook, appearing to have spoken out of sheer nervousness.

I attempted to read her mind again and became unbearably frustrated when once again she was impenetrable. Something about Bella's mind was a fortress that I couldn't conquer. I wanted to conquer it badly.

I played along with her friendly introductions, "I'm Edward, Edward Cullen," I smirked trying to come off extremely unpleasant so she'd leave me alone. The second I spoke, her soft almost translucent cheeks flushed pink. My god, why did this human have to appear so delectable? Embarrassingly, she pulled her hair forward to cover her blushing face.

Before our conversation could take flight the teacher began his lesson plan. I rolled my eyes and let out a small snicker to myself.

"What's so funny?" a small voice next to me whispered. Without thinking I blurted out quietly, "We have our first sex Ed lesson today." Before I could catch myself I realized I would have no way of knowing that other than having read Mr. Banner's mind.

Bella giggled next to me, but then questioned, "How do you know that?" I responded back anxiously to cover up my mistake, "Heard it from someone in an earlier class." She didn't question me further, but didn't appear entirely convinced. Bella was proving to be smarter than I gave her credit for. My answer was entirely realistic, yet still doubt lingered across the soft angles of her face.

Mr. Banner walked around the class handing out worksheets of the male and female reproductive organs for us to label. Just my luck, first day back at school and I'm labeling parts of the male reproductive organ with my worst enemy. This was proof that if there was a God, I was on his shit list.

I pushed the worksheet over to Bella's side of the table and noticed she appeared just as reluctant about today's lesson plan. The class began working. As the minutes passed quiet snickers and laughs spread like wildfire. Paying too much attention to those around me, I failed to notice Bella working hurriedly at my side.

I glanced over nonchalantly and practically choked on my own laughter. Still writing she looked over at me, "What?" Bella questioned angelically. "Oh nothing, you just seem to know your stuff," I pointed out amusedly. Once again her porcelain cheeks blushed, this time a deeper shade of pink. She knew what I was alluding to.

Fumbling over her words, "No, well I mean, not exactly," flustered she continued, "I used to be in advanced classes before I moved here."

I was right, Bella is smart. Feeling bad for creating an awkward situation, I grabbed the empty female worksheet and had it filled out in a minute flat. Slyly, I slid the worksheet to the space on the desk between Bella and me. She looked up from her worksheet and saw mine. An appreciative smile crept across her face in my direction, then she shook her head disbelievingly and turned back to her work.

The amusing Biology lesson had kept my mind off Bella's alluring scent and the stinging fact that I loathed her. Other than that, she was growing on me. She wasn't obnoxious like all the other girls at school and didn't spoil conversation with useless gossip and moronic comments.

Bella was actually pleasant to be around and the discovery of enjoying her company made me feel guilty. I felt guilty for hating her, guilty for running away like a coward, and ashamed for abandoning Gwen. But even more so there was an impending guilt of enjoying Bella's company too much. It was impossible not to notice her subtle features and how beautiful she was. To others she was plain, that I was sure of. I knew better; something electric and passionate was burning behind her deep, chocolate brown eyes.

Mr. Banner continued with his lecture for the rest of the period. In the meanwhile I traced the outlines of Bella's face, engraving them in my memory. She had to have noticed how I stared at her, but not once did she turn and call me out on it. Maybe Bella was too nice to point out what a creep I was being.

When the bell rang, Bella stood up stretching out her back from the uncomfortable chair. Grabbing her books, she began walking towards the door and cheerfully called back to me, "See you around Edward." As I gathered my stuff I worked diligently to push from my mind that idea that if Bella ever "saw me around" outside of school, her life would be at stake. Bella was innocent; I didn't want to hurt her.

Before meeting back up with Gwen in the hallway I fought the push aside both good and bad thoughts of Bella in case Gwen was no longer holding up her end of our deal.


	12. Running Up That Hill

**12. Running Up That Hill**

GPOV

The last thing I wanted to do was defy Edward or the Cullens, but I couldn't just cut off the Quileutes like they never happened, especially Jacob. In our two brief times together I had grown extremely close to him and valued our time together immensely. I loved the way I felt around them and I was being too selfish to let it all go. On top of all that, I was curious for answers.

How did the elders run off the nomadic vampires before? What did they really know about us? Was Jacob in on it and would he really be done with me when he found out? A million questions raced through my mind last night. I desperately needed to be alone to think things out. It didn't help that Jacob kept texting me.

That awful Bella girl came strolling out of Edward's class before him and I shot her a discrete but dirty look. I greeted Edward cheerfully, "So how was sex ed?" Edward slung his arm over my shoulder, "Arousing, very stimulating," he boasted sarcastically. A huge giggle erupted from my mouth as Edward led the way to our next class. His friendly attitude throughout the day either meant he was okay with where I stood on the issues of the Quileutes or he was blatantly ignoring my words from the night before.

The last bell rang and Edward and I headed to the parking lot. Both of us in shock, we stood frozen with our feet cemented into the ground at the sight in front of us. Jacob was sitting in the driver seat of a tiny yellow car while Bella opened the door on the passenger side. He must have seen Edward and me gawking like complete idiots. Jacob leaned over Bella, flashing his perfect teeth and yelled enthusiastically, "Hey Gwen!"

I couldn't speak, the words were not coming. I was preparing to throw my body in between Jacob's car and Edward's body. _Was Edward piecing all of this together?_ Then peculiarly, Bella nodded our direction and smiled. After a few brief minutes, Jacob obnoxiously sped out of the parking lot.

Her nod could have been to anyone, it lacked emotion. But that smile was definitely not for me. Looking up at Edward, still frozen staring at the car zipping out of the parking lot, I searched his face for some identifiable emotion.

We both walked silently to our vehicles. I hopped on my bike, strapping my helmet; I began to cringe at the discussion awaiting us when we arrived at home. I parked my bike in the garage and reluctantly followed Edward to the backyard.

Before I had a chance to say anything, Edward chimed in, "Who is he Gwen, so help me God if he's what I think!" Edward's accusations shook me, but I had to remain calm and keep him from exploding.

"He's a friend. His name is Jacob," I replied glancing up from my lashes trying to be coy. Edward exploded like two planets colliding, "A friend?" he yelled furiously, "Your friend, the Quileute?" he let out a hearty, pompous laugh.

The sound of his laughing echoed throughout the backyard and made me want to curl up into a ball. "Your friend," he emphasized the word friend too much, "Jacob seems to have a thing for you," he exclaimed rudely. I was too shocked by the occurrence in the parking lot to remember with Edward at my side I'd have my first chance at reading Jacob's mind.

I was angry at Edward for getting inside Jacob's head. It wasn't his place; if Jacob really did like me it was his decision to tell me. In a fit of rage, I refuted, "He is just a friend; I don't care what you say." Edward pursed his lips, "He was wondering if I was your boyfriend," he trailed off impatiently.

My stomach churned and I wanted to throw up. Many times I had thought of Edward as mine, wished he was my boyfriend, and here we were finally using that word out loud. It must have been silent for awhile because Edward took that as his next cue, "Don't worry, Bella told him who I was, who we are," he snorted disdainfully.

My heart sank. Wondering what Bella had told him, I asked Edward a question I already knew the answer to. Slumping down on the wooden deck chair I pulled my legs to my chest fighting back the tears, "He hates me now doesn't he?" I asked while self loathing consumed me.

"Probably," he spat back carelessly. "They drove off too fast; I couldn't hear," he finished, mildly putting me at ease. The past two days seemed like another person's life. Edward and I had slung far too many harsh words at one another. We were seemingly feuding siblings, but it was so much more than that. I did the only thing my instincts told me to, turn the tables; it was the worst defense mechanism I could pull.

"So, how do you know Bella?" I asked smugly, while digging my nails into my jeans. "I don't, not anymore," Edward snorted. His answer made perfect sense. "What, now that you know her best friend is a Quileute?" Clenching my teeth, "Funny how things work out isn't it?" I taunted him guiltily.

Edward snarled and let out a deep chesty growl. I'd never seen him like this, but I imagine this was similar to his hunting expression. "I won't be a made a hypocrite," he winced, the words stinging off his tongue. Rage swelled in my lungs, clinching my fist tightly I let our pact disintegrate, "You think I don't know why you disappeared?" I hypothesized.

His eyes widened. "Of course I read your mind; I had to. No one would tell me why you left," the tears welled in my eyes as I unfolded my betrayal. "Is she really that tempting Edward," I held back my sob, "Have you no self control?"

Edward looked as if he just received a giant stab to his pride. Essentially I was calling him a coward and in my opinion he deserved it.

"You have no idea what you're talking about," he rebutted, "You have no idea how unbearable it was!" Rolling my eyes, "So unbearable she smiled and nodded at you today," I exclaimed, "Don't think I didn't see it!"

"Would you rather I kill her? Edward prompted.

I laughed throwing my hands up, "Of course not, but did you have to go and be friends with such an "unbearable" person?" I spouted.

Someone had to put this conversation back on track. There was no point in arguing who was a friend with whom. "If Jacob will still have me, I'm going to be his friend. Deal with it," I persisted without caution of whatever reaction awaited. There was no hope as far as I was concerned that Jacob still wanted my friendship. I almost decided to recant my previous remark when Edward shot back, "In that case you won't mind me being friends with Bella?" he countered.

"You're doing this to spite me," I objected, cracking my knuckles as if I was about to fist fight him. Edward rolled his eyes defiantly. "What don't you get? Her best friend is a Quileute," I mimicked his disgust at the word.

Just as I thought the argument was going to get even more heated, Edward unexpectedly rushed to my side. He cupped my face in his cold hands and stared into my eyes, "I will not lose you over this," he pleaded, "Don't let this ruin us, ruin what we have, whatever that is!" His hands dropped slowly from my face and he hung his head next to my face in desperation.

Speechless, I stood there like a limp noodle, undecided as how to proceed. I tried my hardest to hold onto the strong, new independent Gwen that stood up to Edward and was ok on her own. Unfortunately for me, the Gwen that longed to please Edward was clawing at my insides to get out. I surrendered and lunged into Edward's chest throwing my arms around his neck. "We're fine Edward. I'm done with them, the Quileutes and Jacob. Don't worry, I won't lose you," I lamented.

Edward looked into my eyes again, if he could still cry I was almost sure that was the expression plastered across his God-like face. Waiting anxiously for him to return the peace offering, I hugged him tighter. He whispered in my ear, "It's settled then." It wasn't the verbal promise I was hoping for, the promise that he would stay away from Bella if I severed ties with the Quileutes, but I sighed with relief anyway.

For the next few hours Edward and I played music on the back porch, letting the harmonies of our instruments fill the void of silence between us. "You should go to bed, it's getting late," Edward suggested. "Are you not coming?" I queried, worried that I had misunderstood.

"I need to hunt tonight; I'll see you in the morning," he uttered numbly. If Bella's scent was really as unbearable as he exclaimed, I couldn't deny his need to hunt more often. Selfishly, I wanted him in my room that night; I needed to know where things were going with us.

I bid farewell to him as he stalked off into the night. I scurried up to my room and began getting ready for bed when I noticed my phone vibrating in my backpack. Reluctantly, I flipped it open to find a text from Jacob stating, "We need to talk!"


	13. Under Your Spell

**13. Under Your Spell**

EPOV

I had no legitimate reason to find Bella's house other than some indescribable emotion compelling me to see her. I walked patiently to the closest phone booth, one of the few in the entire town. I could have ran the entire way, cutting my travel time in half, but I took the long walk to enjoy the street lights, smell of fog, and figure out why I needed to say bye to her.

I hadn't made up my mind as to what I'd do if she were asleep or not. It was already 11:30pm on a school night; if she were remotely responsible she'd already be asleep. Diligently, I scanned through the pages of the phone book searching frantically for the Swan residence. When I found it, I noticed it was the only Swan listed in Forks. It read Charlie Swan followed by an address. Mentally noting that there was no Mrs. Swan, I wondered where Bella's mom was.

After arguing with myself for a few minutes that I should just go home, I took off sprinting towards her house, letting the chilly night pierce my skin with every stride. There was no way I could shake this sense of urgency.

When I arrived at Bella's quaint little house, I was surprised to find the Chief of Police's cruiser parked comfortably in the driveway. Mildly amused that Bella's dad was the Chief of Police, I surveyed the outside of the house looking for the most plausible window leading to Bella's room.

Toward the back side of the house, I saw a tree whose branches barely touched a window. Stealthily and silently I climbed the tree and peered into the window, telling myself over and over that I wasn't being a creep.

The lights were off and the room was quiet except for the faint sound of her breathing. Without considering the consequences of what might happen if she awoke I lifted the window and crept inside her room. The room was tiny and the only thing hinting that the room belonged to a girl was the purple comforter covering the sleeping girl. I listened carefully for the sound of a curious father's footsteps, but the tiny white house remained silent in the night.

There was an old wooden rocking chair in the corner of her room and I took a seat trying to remain nonchalant about the whole situation. The situation, in fact, was very stalkerish of me and entirely inappropriate; being as I barely knew Bella. Then it hit me; I was sitting in Bella's room, the girl I eluded to Gwen that I'd never speak to. I was already betraying our pact in a way. For the life of me, I couldn't understand why the world was giving Gwen and me so many problems at once.

Up until Forks we lived extremely calm, happy lives and we revolved around one another in perfect harmony like the earth and the sun. Ever since we arrived at this God-forsaken town it has been nothing but chaos for us.

Most people get to embrace new friendships, new romantic interest, but not us; everything is always different for us. I remained static in Bella's rocking chair playing out all the events of our short time in Forks in my head.

Everything from the day Bella drove me away from Gwen and my family, to the night I returned and Gwen and I connected on a whole new level. The day we returned to school and I found out Bella was actually tolerable and becoming a minor infatuation pained me even as I sat there in her room. Finding out Gwen just so happened to be building friendships with the one group of people in town that could jeopardize everything for us worried me to no end.

All these new emotions were churning inside of me, especially jealousy. I was deeply jealous of Gwen's ability to be fine without me, to make friends both at our school and apparently at La Push. I was jealous that Bella seemed to be close with this Jacob fellow and my frustration of not being normal was at an all time high. If I weren't a vampire none of this would be happening. We wouldn't have to watch our backs with the Quileutes, Bella would have never driven me away, and I wouldn't have to fight with Gwen about everything. But I reminded myself that if I weren't a vampire there's a very likely chance my life wouldn't be remotely the same at all, and I was grateful for my family.

I was about to get up and leave; there was no point in making the situation any harder on myself. Ignoring Bella and dropping this altogether was probably the best method. Just as I began to rise from the rocking chair, my teeth clinched and hands gripped the chair tightly when I heard muffled words come from Bella's lips.

She murmured a few more words that I could barely make out, but that's when I heard it. It may have been quiet, but Bella had definitely said Edward. I quickly reasoned I was losing my mind and again made my move towards the window to exit. That's when I heard it again even louder and more clearly. Bella mumbled the words, "No, Edward." I turned and faced her bed in disbelief, peering over her like some sort of boogey man about to pounce. I was puzzled to the core and didn't know what to do. She rolled over on her side and wiggled around a little bit; then I heard it again, "Don't leave Edward."

By God this girl is sleep talking and saying my name. I was torn between complete shock and feeling compelled to do some sort of victory dance. Three times she said my name, and not just that, but she was asking me to stay!

Every inch of my body was itching to know what she was dreaming about and most importantly why she was calling my name. My frustration at the fact that I couldn't read her thoughts was killing me. I shouldn't have touched her, but I had to know if my little dream reading trick that I pulled with Gwen would work on Bella.

I bent over and gently placed my hand on her foot, so lightly that she'd never feel it. Failure, once again nothing from her. Absolute silence from her. Bella was a menace; I couldn't read her mind or her dreams. This girl was driving me up a wall. I stood awhile longer, hovering over her, waiting anxiously for my name to roll off her sleepy lips just once more. I longed for it; I needed it.

I moved to the other side of the bed and crouched down low to get a better view. I stared at her lips counting the seconds till she mumbled from her sleep again. _Anything, anything at all, just speak to me again Bella_. Instead, she peacefully slumbered.

I watched the rise and fall of her chest, the way her tiny fingers intertwined with her long brown hair on the pillow. It was then that I realized not once since arriving at Bella's had I been disturbed by her scent. Here I was, alone with the chance to make the kill, and get away scott-free and she didn't tempt me at all. That was a lie, she tempted me entirely but there was no longer an allure to kill her. It was a different kind of temptation.

Her gentle features and the way her pink lips parted ever so slightly tempted me beyond belief. Now that I wasn't a complete amateur when it came to being physically close to girls I badly wanted to lie next to her in bed. Her frail body reminded me how breakable she was and I fought back every urge soaring through my body.

Everything about this situation was wrong. I shouldn't be in this girl's room, I shouldn't betray Gwen like this, and thinking about Bella this way was beyond reproach. I had to get out of there and just as I pulled myself up she spoke again, "Don't leave me Edward." My heart practically jumped out of my chest and yet it had died long ago.

This was the point of no return. I was a complete goner and now my infatuation with Bella was solidified. Whether she consciously knew it or not, her dreams blatantly meant she wanted me to stay. In some form or another she wanted me around. This was all the hope I needed, the hope that caused mine and Gwen's pact to disintegrate into nonexistence. I was completely and irrevocably entranced by her.

It took all my willpower to pull myself away from her bedside, but I couldn't stay there the whole night. It was crossing the line and risking too much. I had no idea what I was going to do about this when then sun rose and I had to face the music.

If Gwen broke our agreement again she'd read my mind and instantly know about my night at Bella's. Maybe Alice would teach me her little Japanese trick that always kept me out of her thoughts. I was completely screwed; part of me regretted coming here tonight but another part of me was on fire with excitement and anticipation. I needed to hear Bella speak my name again and again; I needed to know what was going on in her dreams. Biology was now my favorite class!

Bella's breathing slowed and I decided now was the time to make my exit. Just as quietly as I crept in the window, I left. Before heading home I decided to go hunt a small meal, my new intentions were to get close to Bella and I didn't need her scent sneaking up on me and causing alarm. She was mouthwatering in every possible way and I needed to behave.

I rolled into the house around 5:00am and spent the majority of the early morning in my room listening to music and thinking about Bella's face, which was now concrete in my mind. Knowing that only more turmoil lay ahead for Gwen and I, the best thing to do was start the morning off right. I whipped up a batch of eggs and her favorite pancakes.

I quietly entered her room and sat on her bed for a little while till I decided to be a total goofball and make light of the situation. I took a large jump up on to her bed and began hopping up and down like a little kid yelling, "Wake up! Good morning!" Gwen woke up the second the right side of her bed broke out from the force of my jump. This was not the first time I'd broken her bed. She rolled over, "Esme is going to kill you," she whined, "This is the third time she will have to fix the bed because of you!" I jumped up again and landed on my behind next to Gwen. There it was the smile I was waiting for. "You better have pancakes, otherwise you're dead for waking me up so abruptly," Gwen bargained. I laughed, "Dead already, sorry, what else ya got?" I smiled cockily. She chucked her pillow at me and covered her face with another. I stepped off her bed and pulled the pillow from her face, "Get up! The pancakes are getting cold," I commanded. "Fine!" she shouted as I exited her room.

I was being a horrible person. My blissful mood had nothing to do with Gwen and yet she was reaping all the benefits of it. It was misleading and somehow I had to get a grip on myself. Everything I was doing lately was unfair to her. Unfair to a friend or anything more, she deserved better than how deceiving I was being.

Gwen came strolling down the stairs ten minutes later wearing her favorite red pea coat. You always knew she was in a great mood if she wore that coat. She took a seat at the table and began gorging herself on my perfectly prepared pancakes. I sat down across from her which I rarely do. "Hungry much?" I questioned sarcastically as she shoveled eggs into her mouth making her look like a puffy cheeked chipmunk. "Mmm hmm," she replied nodding her head.

She raised her orange juice glass and declared, "To new beginnings, Edward!" Implying this was one of those "cheers moments" where you clink glasses I looked at her and nodded while smiling. I couldn't help but think new beginnings meant whatever new beginning lay ahead for Bella and I, but as far as Gwen knew that girl was history. If there was some way I could re-work last night's bargain I would. Some way to make it that I could see Bella; at least have some sort of friendship. There was no way I could let Gwen still be friends with the Quileutes so I'd have to figure out how she could benefit, how it could be fair.

Gwen threw her dishes in the sink and grabbed her backpack. "I'm taking the bike again today," she called out from the garage. I was grateful for the separation during the ride to school. She'd be more likely to keep out of my head if she was on a sports bike than if she were sitting comfortably next to me in the Volvo. As we pulled out of the garage I saw Emmett and Rosalie exiting the driveway and Alice standing by hers and Jasper's car. She shot me a questioning look and when I scanned her mind for a reason she was doing her obnoxious Japanese diversion. _What a frustrating morning._

When we arrived at school all of us walked in together like it was any other day, but something told me this was not just any other day. The morning went by quickly and I did my absolute best to keep Bella and Biology class as far from my mind as possible just in case Gwen was being sneaky. This connection of ours, which I once valued, had now become a complete menace and the means to send my life into ruins.

Lunchtime rolled around and I walked Gwen through the line like always, trying to hide my disgust at every item she placed on her try. "I know it's gross Edward, get over it!" she muttered. "Hey!" I snapped, "Stay out of my head." She looked at me accusingly, "it doesn't take a mind reader to know you get grossed out by cafeteria food," she argued. My paranoia was getting the best of me and if I didn't cut it out she'd start to catch on.

At the table, Rosalie was in one of her "moods" and it made me seriously question if vampires really couldn't be on the rag. It was so obnoxious and Emmett always had to baby her until she got over whatever it was putting her in such a fine mood. Jasper knew better than to ever try and help her mood. Rosalie may have looked as beautiful as a pageant queen but she was no pageant queen. "Hey Jasper, I hear Tyler has a new girlfriend you can stop plotting his death." Gwen made him aware. Alice giggled. "Don't worry Gwen, I haven't seen Tyler's demise yet, so I think Jasper already laid off," she replied. _Why is it that Alice and Gwen can joke freely about knocking off one of our fellow classmates, but when I actually come close, it's a huge ordeal? _

"Doesn't mean we can't rough house with him a bit," Emmett chimed in giving Jasper a devious glance. "Whatever," Gwen said. "You guys so much as hug Tyler and you'll probably break him." Everyone laughed and then the bell rang. The bell I had been waiting to hear since I left Bella's room and I grabbed Gwen's tray anxiously and dumped the contents in the trash. "Hey!" she yelled, "What's the deal? I wasn't finished."

Why was I being so damn jumpy? "Sorry Gwen." I said trying to look apologetic and not impatient. Gwen gave me a weird look and I was about to start chanting Japanese in my head when she said, "It's alright." We walked to class together like always and she stood close by my side just like old times. Our hands were a mere inch from touching one another and I stupidly shoved my hands in my pockets. If she was at all perceptive of the last twenty some odd years together she'd have seen how strange I was acting. "See you in an hour," she assured me.

I entered Biology, my new sanctuary and looked excitedly over at my seat at the lab table I once despised. Bella sat there, just as expected, but she looked preoccupied and careless to the fact that we'd be spending the next hour together.


	14. Help I'm Alive

**14. Help I'm Alive**

EPOV

I took my seat at the table and awaited Bella's voice. Ever since hearing my name on her lips, multiple times, last night in her room I have fed off it like an unhealthy addiction. Instead of instant conversation and the normally friendly Bella I was met with a cold shoulder. She had scooted her chair as close to the window as possible and built an obvious barrier between us with her textbooks on the table. She sat with her head resting on her hand and tilted her face away from me. Maybe something was wrong or, even worse, she had awoken when I left her room that night and is entirely creeped out by me.

Class began and the teacher handed out another round of worksheets. Still in our sex education unit our desks were graced with an STD assignment. I rolled my eyes at the teacher as he walked by. _Why was he torturing us with all with these awful assignments?_ I'm convinced teachers secretly enjoy making adolescents work through awkward moments like this. And by my true age, I have been tortured one too many times with the sex Ed unit. I slid the other worksheet over to Bella's side of the table, maneuvering around her fortress of textbooks.

Bella still hadn't looked at me and certainly hadn't made any effort to say hello. Maybe she was waiting for me to make the first move. Perhaps humor was the best route, I decided. The worksheet had a list of STDs and a list of symptoms; our job was to match them to their correct pair. "So I'll do Chlamydia, if you want Herpes?" I joked hoping for at least a small laugh. Still, without turning her head or so much as making a noise at my joke she began working on her own worksheet.

Shamefully, I tried again, "Well, if you really want Chlamydia I'll trade you, I don't mind!" She stared down at her worksheet, shaking her head in disgust at my distasteful jokes. Sheesh, this girl was ironclad. _Where did the bubbly girl from last week ago?_ _Where did the girl who kept saying my name in her sleep go? _I worked on my assignment and decided to leave her alone for a bit.

After ten minutes had passed and I was utterly bored with re-reading my STD worksheet, I made my third attempt. "So, are you as experienced in STDs as you are in labeling parts of the male sexual anatomy?" _What the hell was I saying? _I instantly wanted to slap my hand over my mouth; I was talking like a complete idiot. I had the capability of completely wooing a woman with poetic jargon and could make my voice as silky as butter and here I was sounding like a complete ass to the girl who I couldn't stop thinking about.

I was just about to speak again when she interjected, "I'm not talking to you, so quit trying." She spoke the words so quickly I barely had time to let the words register. Besides sneaking into her room, I couldn't think of any other reason why she'd have such distaste for me. I had to get to the bottom of this.

"What do you mean you're not talking to me?" I asked hoping she'd reply.

"What don't you get? Stop speaking to me," she whispered intensely, trying not to let the others in the classroom hear. Beyond perplexed by her recently developed ill feelings towards me I decided not to drop the subject. She could ask me to stay out of her life, which was probably a good idea, and I would try to abide it, but I demanded an explanation. "We're lab partners Bella, we have to talk sometime." I reasoned being it was the only ammo I had. "I'm not supposed to talk to you," she mumbled even quieter like she was trying to avoid the discussion completely. It was faint but there was definitely a hint of disappointment in the way she said it. I clung to that disappointment. "Says who?" I blurted out a little too loudly. "Says people whose opinion I trust," she responded glaring at me for pushing the issue.

"Well, being as I'm new here, and I'm pretty sure no one knows me, I'd love to hear who this all-knowing person is," I said curiously.

She started doodling furiously on her notebook, digging the pencil into the paper deeper and deeper till it needed sharpening again. She didn't respond, so I tried again to pry it out of her, "Don't I deserve to know who is bad mouthing me?" Whoever was badmouthing me had a death wish. She gritted her teeth and replied reluctantly, "We'll talk about this later." All I could think was later; no we will talk about this now. I was furious and needed to know the culprit's name. "Later?" I questioned, "When, later?"

She then resorted to biting at her nails since the pencil was done for. "I don't know, after school or something," she replied keeping her eyes off me as much as possible. "Fine," I settled, "I'll wait for you at the gym door."

"How did you know my last period is gym?" she asked, this time looking at me like I really was a creep. Shit, she was onto me. I slipped up once again, and I had paid way to much attention to her for my own good. "I saw your schedule on the desk the first day of school," I lied thinking back to that awful first day with her. "Fine," she acquiesced. The rest of the class neither of us spoke and the tension between us was palpable.

Listening to Mr. Banner talk about STD's the rest of class and flashing giant pictures on the projector made the time go by even slower. The bell rang and I exited before the rest of the class had left their seats. Gwen awaited me in the hallway and we took off to our next class. The rest of the day felt like an eternity and I still hadn't come up with an excuse as to why I wouldn't be following Gwen home.

The last bell rang, Gwen and I headed towards the parking lot when I let the first excuse I could think of roll off my lips. "I need to go run some errands, I'll see you later tonight," I stated nervously, hoping she wouldn't question me further. Of course, Gwen was a curious cat and asked, "Want any company?" "No, I'm just buying Emmett a new video game he wanted, it will be boring," I said convincingly. "Alright, I have some things to do as well, so I'll see you later," she resolved. She slapped her helmet on and took off out of the school parking lot. I hurriedly made my way to the gym side door, anticipating my rendezvous with Bella.

The meeting would not end till I got every answer I needed. When I rounded the corner of the building, there she was waiting. She was leaning up against the wall with her blue backpack, looking like some underage delinquent waiting to buy a pack of smokes. I approached her in as friendly of a manner that I could muster. Yelling and fighting to get answers didn't seem like it would work with her. That method of intimidation worked with Gwen, and even though Bella seemed much frailer than Gwen, something about the way she carried herself said she couldn't be intimidated.

Before I could say a word she started marching off towards the wooded area behind our school. She clutched her arms around her chest even though it wasn't that cold so it had to have been nerves. She kept walking till she had us stopped in a clearing right inside the forest. She apathetically dropped her backpack at the foot of the tree and leaned up against it. Once again I had Bella alone, and this time she was awake. She could try and run, she'd put up a fight, but I'd make sure it was quick and painless. The scenario playing in my head was sickening but her scent combined with the pine all around us caused my hunting instincts to kick in. I began salivating and snapped myself out of the hunger frenzy that Bella's scent was sending me into.

Here alone in the forest with just us two, her scent was very strong. There wasn't anybody else's scent around to downplay hers, and the situation was dangerous. I kept a safe distance from her in case some awful urge came about. "Who says you can't be my friend?" I choked out trying hard not to inhale her scent while I spoke. Ignoring my question altogether with she had intentions of her own for this discussion. "Why did your sister lie to my best friend?" she questioned angrily. I was confused by what she was asking, but then I slowly began to piece it together. "Gwen?" I asked just checking. "Yeah, Gwen, she lied to my friend Jacob," she accused. I knew exactly what lie she was referring to, the fact that Gwen had entirely hidden who she was to the Quileutes, but when I heard his name I was fuming with anger because he was the culprit in all this mess.

"Jacob," I laughed his name." Is that who told you not to talk to me?" I asked curiously. "Just because my sister lies doesn't mean I'm a liar," I replied knowing all the while I was completely selling out Gwen and referring to her as my sister felt awkward, very awkward. I stepped closer to her letting the scent flood over me; I was being such a masochist.

"You and I have nothing to do with your sister," she blurted out clinching her fists in frustration. I was distracted by Bella referring to me and her in the same sentence with complete disregard for Gwen. "Then what is it?" I continued, "If Jacob doesn't want you hanging out with the brother of a liar, then what's the problem?" If Jacob knew anything from his elders, there were many plausible reasons he could have given her, but I assumed he was clueless and naive which meant so was Bella.

Her voice trembled as she spoke, "He said you're dangerous. Your whole family is and I'm supposed to stay away from you." Everything about her response was entirely accurate, but I wondered just how much she knew. _What had Jacob told her?_

"Dangerous?" I asked playfully, "how so?"

"I don't know!" she spat back. "Ever since the day Jacob picked me up from school, he and his friends have warned me to stay the hell away from you," she stated with defeated eyes.

"You told him Gwen was my sister didn't you, because he didn't know," I felt bad for Gwen. "How was I supposed to know she lied?" Bella yelled back in defense.

"It's not your fault," I declared.

Bella shook her head and her lips began to tremble like she was going to cry. "I should have just kept my mouth shut. I don't know why your sister lied but whatever the reason is now Jacob is done speaking to Gwen and it's better if we're not friends either," she said picking at the bark of the tree behind her.

I desperately wanted to explain everything; I wanted to tell her about the elders, and about how they're wrong about my family. I wanted her to know Gwen isn't that bad and meant Jacob no harm. There was so much to explain and I felt completely overwhelmed.

"You shouldn't listen to Jacob about my family." I protested confidently.

Bella perked up, "Then tell me why he doesn't want me around you. What's so bad about you?" she stammered.

I was helpless. What could I say to smooth the situation over, to convince her we weren't bad? Luckily Jacob hadn't unveiled any vampire rumors to her, but that didn't mean the hurdle was any less difficult to get over.

"Bella, I don't know what to tell you," I uttered. "You should probably listen to Jacob." I surrendered. Jacob was right, we were dangerous, and Bella shouldn't be around the Cullens, especially me. Maybe if I switched methods and convinced her how awful we were she'd stay away and be safe. I couldn't tear my eyes from her though, the green moss of the trees and the gloomy weather made Bella the brightest thing in the forest and her beauty was breathtaking to me.

She looked confused and frustrated, "What? First, you defend yourself and now Jacob is right?" she hissed. Seeing Bella all worked up like this made me feel awful. The poor girl didn't deserve to be in the middle of this any more than Gwen deserved to suffer for who we were. The only difference was Gwen made that choice for herself.

"Do you even want to be my friend?" I asked for my own selfish interest. Her porcelain cheeks flushed pink and I knew the answer before she even had to speak.

"I said it would be better if we weren't friends, not that I didn't want to be" she said with disappointment. "Jacob is my best friend. He has always looked out for me and I've never done him wrong. Being your friend is betrayal and, according to him, not safe," Bella trumpeted.

What a small world; being friends with Bella meant betrayal to Gwen, my best friend. Apparently Bella was in the same situation with Jacob. I knew already how this would all play out. Jacob knew too much and would never be friends with Gwen again. Jacob would never approve of Bella being my friend. Just as I would never approve of Gwen doing the same. Jacob and I were at a stalemate. Neither of us could befriend who we wanted and neither of us would allow those closest to us to befriend the other.

The long pause of silence was broken by the sound of Bella's buzzing cell phone in her backpack. She jumped and quickly pulled it from the front pocket. "I have to go," she declared.

No decision has been made; there were still too many questions and no answers. She couldn't leave yet. "You can't leave, we haven't finished discussing this," I pleaded trying to come up with some way to prolong the already dead-end discussion.

"What's there to discuss?" she questioned, "I'm not supposed to talk to you, end of story," she replied as she picked up her backpack and began stalking out of the woods.

"Where are you going?" I pried.

"Not that it's any of your business, but to Port Angeles with some friends," she yelled back. Just as I thought those would be the last words I hear from Miss Bella Swan's lips she yelled again, "Bye Edward!"

The goodbye could have been taken many different ways. Perhaps, it really was a last goodbye, maybe she was being polite, or maybe it was just a goodbye for now, until we figured things out. Bella wasn't aware that all I had was time, and I'd wait till she came around.

Once she was gone I recklessly reasoned that I had to go to Port Angeles as well, if I came home without a video game for Emmett, then Gwen would know something was up. It just so happened I'd be able to keep an eye on Bella too if need be. Coincidence was in my favor.


	15. Wolf Like Me

**15. Wolf Like Me**

GPOV

Edward was completely full of shit. "Buying Emmett a video game" my ass! I was tired of Edward's lies and deceptions. For someone who knows that I can read his mind he sure is dumb. I gave Edward last night, and told myself just because he wasn't staying in my room didn't mean he wasn't keeping his side of the bargain. But this was twice now that he had bailed and something fishy was going on. If he really was seeing Bella for whatever reason behind my back then I had no reason to feel bad for what I was about to do. Jacob had texted that he needed to talk to me, but nothing about his brief text sounded friendly or inviting.

He had every right to be upset with me and never want to speak to me again. Even if it had nothing to do with my family or the Quileute's past run-ins with vampires, I had lied to him. Maybe I didn't completely come out and lie, but I purposely withheld information, which can sometimes be just as bad. In this case, it was definitely a bad idea. I pulled my cell phone from my pocket with shaky hands. I was nervous about betraying Edward if he really was just buying a video game, and I was even more nervous to see Jacob.

I texted him, "Meet you at the cliff in fifteen minutes." I hesitantly pressed the send button. I rode my bike to the cliff slower than usual. I was prolonging whatever confrontation lay ahead. I didn't want to give up Jacob and the Quileutes, but fighting Edward and the Cullens' wishes put me in between a rock and hard place. Being friends with Jacob made me a reckless member of the family.

When I arrived at the cliff Jacob was waiting there, but his car was nowhere in sight, nor was any other means of transportation. The walk to the reservation wasn't that far, nonetheless an unnecessary walk since he had a car. The rumble of my bike quieted and I climbed off, not wanting to remove my helmet. The helmet was shielding me and it felt like the only protection I had right now.

I knew I looked like an idiot space cadet standing there off my bike with the helmet still on so I reluctantly removed it. Jacob was in nothing but a pair of shorts and his russet skin was stunning in the setting sun. He stood there, stoically facing out to the water without as much as a glance my direction. Something was different; he had cut his hair. It was much shorter now and showed off his rigid jaw line. I waited a moment, breathing in the anticipation, waiting to hear Jacob yell and chastise me. I had never heard Jacob yell or be angry with anyone.

The words spilled from my lips like diarrhea of the mouth. "My name is Gwen Cullen, it's nice to meet you and you have every right not to be my friend," I exclaimed with a hint of desperation.

If he was going to remain silent and wait for me to talk the best I could offer was at least being honest with who I was, something I should have done from day one.

He snapped his face my direction and I couldn't pull my eyes from his striking jaw line. Edward had that same drop dead gorgeous jaw line, but Jacob's was full of warmth and made it that much more enticing.

"You're different than the others," he snapped, clenching his teeth, flashing those pearly whites in the most uninviting way possible, like a predator about to attack his prey. His menacing glare cut right through me. I knew exactly what he meant by his statement but in order to protect my family I had to play dumb, once again lying, in case he didn't know as much as I thought he did.

"Different than who?" I questioned innocently.

"Don't play coy with me Gwen, you know exactly who," his voice full of rage, "the other Cullens," he barked.

"What do you mean I'm different than my family?" I played dumb. Every minute of this charade made me sick to my stomach. I was very different than the other Cullens, but they were as much a part of my being as oxygen; I would not throw them under the bus, so to speak.

His chest puffed up and he began to huff, getting angrier and angrier by the minute like his heart was going to explode from his chest. Seeing Jacob like this scared me, he was completely devoid of all the warmth and carefree energy that I loved about him. His eyes were darker now, more black, and the muscles across his body rippled.

"You think I don't know what they are?" he asked bemusedly. My heart was pounding. Jacob wasn't naive at all, and he knew too much for me to continue this lie. But the need to protect my family kept me from giving in.

"What are you talking about Jacob?" I questioned, tiring of this repetitious back and forth between us.

I watched his hand clench into tight fists, though I knew deep down he would never hit me.

"Tell your bloodsucking brother to stay the hell away from Bella," he demanded, practically snarling like a vicious dog.

I had been wrong this whole time. Bella meant a lot more to him than I assumed. He probably loved her and wanted her out of harm's way. If what Edward said was true about Bella's scent tempting him to the brink of losing his self control then she really wasn't safe around Edward. No boy would speak so strongly about a girl he didn't love. He was protecting her. At that very moment I wished I'd had Edward there to protect me.

My mind was too consumed by his overprotective nature of Bella that I failed to realize he called Edward a bloodsucker, I gasped at the realization I was about to have "this conversation" with someone other than a Cullen. The entire time I had known the Cullens I had never discussed vampires with anyone but them.

The redundancy was killing me but I pressed on with my fake stupidity, "Bloodsucking?" I asked, "Edward's not that bad," I said trying to downplay the use of the word.

Jacob's dark skin now swelled with red and his veins popped out of his arms and neck, I really was beginning to fear him. _Maybe I didn't know Jacob as well as I thought; what was he really capable of?_

Jacob walked cautiously over to me and stopped a mere inch away from my face. He said the words slowly and clearly so that I could not escape them. "Tell your vampire family we're watching them, and if that bloodsucker you call a brother so much as looks at Bella, I'll end him," he threatened.

I surrendered; there was no way I could continue to dance around the subject and play the fool. The Cullens couldn't blame me for discussing something Jacob obviously knew about. His harsh words towards my family stung like a sharp razor and it was hard to swallow. I would not allow him or anyone to speak that way of those I love. I ignored my growing fear of Jacob and let him have it.

"Apparently you know more than I gave you credit for," I said calmly making my intro sly and discreet. I then stood up an inch more on my toes making myself level with his face, "threaten my family again and it'll be the last threat you make," I declared confidently, knowing that if I was going to lose Jacob at least I could do it while standing up for my family.

All of the sudden I felt like I had been hit by a train in my abdomen. I was being snapped in half by another human being. It happened so fast, my vision became a complete whirlwind. When my head hit the grown I looked out in front of me where Jacob was standing, only to see the most unbelievable thing my eyes have ever witnessed. Jacob shook and convulsed in front of me and suddenly his body erupted with fur and his shape twisted and transformed before my eyes. I was met with the deep glare of a wolf's eyes.

My breathing was erratic and my skin was flushed with heat. All of a sudden the wolf, Jacob, whatever the hell that thing was took off into the nearby forest on the edge of the road, leaving behind only the sound of a faint howl.

When I was finally able to snap out of it I rolled painfully onto my side only to find Paul lying next to me. He appeared way too calm for what I had just witnessed. Maybe my eyes had played tricks on me, perhaps I was delusional, but I could have sworn I just saw Jacob transform into a wolf.

I laid on the ground clutching my hand that was now scraped and bloody. Adrenaline coursed through my veins making me shake uncontrollably. Paul got up off the ground and brushed the dust off his shorts as if he had just slid into home plate at a baseball game. I rolled over and pulled myself up off the ground, letting the dirt on my hands sting the wound. My ribs had every reason to feel sore being as I had been tackled like a linebacker.

I stammered, "Wha..what just happened?"

Paul looked entirely unapologetic and yelled, "Look what you did! You almost got yourself killed, or even worse, maimed like Emily."

A flash of Emily's scarred face crossed my mind, but I didn't put two and two together. "I caused this?" I spat back.

Paul was circling the small area anxiously, "Yeah, you and your big mouth almost got you killed," he spewed loudly.

"Screw you!" I hissed defensively. "Like hell it's my fault Jacob just... I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore," I trailed off. I was out of breath and so confused. Vampires were one thing, accepting it wasn't the hardest thing in the world, but whatever happened to Jacob was a whole other thing. Thing was the only word I could come up with to describe it because my brain refused to allow me to call him a wolf, or even worse, what folklore deemed a werewolf. Just thinking the word made me feel slightly insane.

Paul stalked up to me with his bare muscular chest leading the way. Like Jacob he was mere inches from my face. "You're only alive because you aren't a bloodsucker!" he remarked snidely.

My family had been threatened, I had been physically attacked, I was obviously outnumbered for the time being so I decided to lie, "Says who?" I exclaimed, "How the hell do you know I'm not just like the others you so laxly call bloodsuckers." I lied because I was scared and because at that very moment I had never wanted to be a vampire more. I needed protection; I needed my ribs to stop pounding with pain. I wanted to feel like rock solid stone when Paul tackled me.

Paul bellowed over laughing, "Listen chick, I don't know what you are, but one thing I do know is you're not a vampire."

I was furious and I curled my bloody hand into a fist. _How dare he assume I was weak and wasn't like my family. _

All the sudden I saw Quil come walking out of the forest to my right. He carried himself just as calmly as Paul. When he stopped he kicked the shreds of fabric lying on the ground. "Billy is going to kill Jacob, that was his last pair of pants," Quil examined.

Paul retorted, "Good, let him run naked for awhile, maybe then he'll attract some real women instead of the weirdos that seem to be coming around." Quil let out a deep hearty laugh.

I gritted my teeth because I knew exactly who the weirdo was that he referred to. I felt invisible. No one was acting as shocked as me, and I certainly wasn't getting any explanations. I was in desperate need of my ability to read minds but Edward wasn't around for miles. The sun was setting quickly, but I feared he wouldn't be there in time.

"What is he?" I croaked still clutching my bloody hand.

"You mean what we are," Quil interrupted.

"Whoever, whatever," I yelped, my voice still scratchy from having the wind knocked out of me.

"What now, weirdo, did the others not tell your leech family anything?" Paul questioned sarcastically. I once loved Paul's wit and now I loathed him especially for calling my family a bunch of leeches.

"What others?" I asked trying to remember back to what Jasper had said about the Quileutes past run-ins with vampires.

"The dumb red-head and her bloodsucker friends," Paul snorted.

"The others who were stupid enough to come on our land, the others who made us this way," Quil answered a little softer.

My head was spinning, my chest ached, and I completely regretted ever having met Jacob; I should have just let this all go. Now I was in a tornado of confusion.

Jasper had made it sound like the Quileutes run-in with the nomads happened a long time ago, long enough that Paul, Quil, and especially Jacob would have been too young to remember or perhaps not even born. "Maybe you shouldn't listen to all the old legends your elders tell you," I reasoned.

"Maybe we aren't as young as you think," Paul added dryly.

I pulled the only defense card I could think, "And maybe I'm not as young as you think either," I retorted trying to look like I could actually take them both on myself. Internally, I felt like I had many more years on both of them, more wisdom and experiences but the way the conversation was going I didn't know if that was entirely true. Life had thrown the unbelievable at me more than one time, was it too farfetched to believe the Quileutes harbored werewolves in their midst.

"My family has never met those you speak of, they're nomads, you moron; we're different." Here I was explaining myself and the Cullens to people who could jeopardize our entire lives. The only thing that told me I could continue was that the Quileutes obviously had secrets of their own, Jacob being the main.

Quil argued, "Different...how so? You're all a bunch of no-good, murderous, bloodsuckers."

Paul continued, "I haven't figured you out yet Gwen, but you're with them, thus you're just as bad."

Paul and Quil couldn't possibly begin to wrap their tiny brains around what I was. Human, but not aging, the ability to steal others powers, living with a coven of vegetarian vampires.

I eyed my bike and thought perhaps I should make a run for it, but I couldn't pull myself away from the conversation. Though harsh words were being thrown and neither of them seemed any safer than Jacob, I needed answers, for my sake and my family's protection.

"My family didn't do anything to you and your people; leave us alone." I pronounced boldly, trying to lead to some sort of peace treaty.

"All of you bloodsuckers are the same!" Paul harped defiantly.

"Vampires can't be trusted, your family should leave before things get messy," Quil warned.

"My family wouldn't harm anyone that didn't have it coming," I added, eyeing Paul specifically letting a tiny cocky smile creep across my non-vampire face.

I remembered back to what Jasper had said about the Elders and not being sure how much they kept a secret about the other vampires.

"I wonder how your elders would feel about the way you're treating me?" I added trying to see if the elders even had any authority.

"The Elders aren't the ones protecting these woods anymore," Paul replied smugly giving a nod of approval to Quil.

I worked diligently to remember every word they were saying. I knew I would have to relay the information to the others later to protect them. I needed to get any answers that would help the Cullens have the upper hand. It was almost nightfall and the sound of the waves crashing below worried me that if they wanted to dispose of me now perhaps no one would ever find out what happened. Alice couldn't see me when I was with them and, as I pieced it all together, it had to involve them being werewolves.

I wondered if Carlisle had ever encountered werewolves before, if he knew exactly who the Quileutes really were and why they hated us so much. If the others knew and I was the only uninformed one then I blame them for putting my life in jeopardy. If it weren't for Paul tackling me, who knows what Jacob's transformation would have done to me. I remembered back to what Paul said about Emily and I shuddered. _Was Jacob really capable of leaving me with those scars?_

Yes, I lied about my family, and apparently Jacob had a secret of his own. Both of us were only hiding because we had others to protect. There was a treaty in place with the Elders but the boys in front of me obviously had no intentions to play nice. It didn't take Jasper or Carlisle for me to understand werewolves and vampires were mortal enemies. _Who even knew if werewolves were immortal?_ One thing I did know was they were strong, fast, and just as intimidating as vampires. Whatever I was...I was caught in between the two.

I stared off over the cliff into the pitch black, wanting to jump and feel the crash of the cold water below against my skin. Reality had become so skewed for me I needed something real to feel, painful or not.

Quil's head twitched to the east, "Jacob's waiting," he said to Paul.

I couldn't see anything through the dark forest. I wondered anxiously if he was there in wolf form, or back to being the warm loving Jacob I knew. _Was he at all remorseful for what he did?_

I started walking across the street towards the woods, now I was angry. "Come out you coward!" I shouted angrily letting all the raw emotions of the past hour flood out of me in Jacob's direction. "You try to attack me then you run away, face me!" I demanded.

Paul ran up next to me, "You idiot, didn't you learn anything about angering one of us." he chided.

I kept walking towards the wooded area, "I don't care, I live with vampires and I'm not scared of you!" I yelled like a brash little child.

Paul stepped in front of me folding his arms like a military man. "Didn't you see his shredded pants? He's naked you twerp," he chortled.

"Someone give the man some damn pants," I commanded at Paul and Quil who were still on the other side of the road shaking their heads.

"Fine!" Quil yelled back and he quickly took off in the direction of the forest that naked Jacob supposedly waited.

A few seconds later Jacob came stomping out of the forest looking like he had just come back from battle wearing none other than Quil's pants. Disappointment and grief covered his face. He didn't appear cocky like the others, just defeated.

"Go, Paul," was the only thing he said as he walked passed me. I was tempted to start swinging and not stop till I awoke in a hospital.

"Yeah, right, this is too good to miss!" he laughed in response.

Jacob flashed his teeth at Paul and let out what sounded like a low growl. The only other person I heard do that was Edward.

"Fine," Paul acquiesced, "but I'm telling Sam about this, all of it," he trailed off. He gave me one last cocky look of disgust and took off into the forest after Quil.

Jacob stood there bare-chested in the chilly evening breeze. My body shook from the cold and I fought my teeth from chattering, I could not appear weak to him.

"I know you're cold," he said flatly. _As if he cared!_

I waited silently for him to say something else. Something mean, that I could fight back against. But he just stood there and even in the darkness I could see his defeated look.

He turned to me and with a deep sadness in his eyes and said, "I'm sorry Gwen, I didn't ask for this."

My only reply, "Neither did I."


	16. The Shining

**16. The Shining**

EPOV

I waited anxiously as Bella walked away while fidgeting with the pockets of my jeans. After I was sure she was back in the school parking lot I made my way that direction. I stayed behind the brick wall of the gym and listened carefully for the thoughts of her friends.

Instantly, I knew she was with Jessica Stanley. That girl, by far, had the most annoying thoughts of anyone at Forks High School. She was entirely self-centered and quite frankly I was concerned that Bella would even surround herself with such a girl. It was then that I heard the thoughts of a much sweeter and more humble girl. Angela was definitely in the car with the two of them. She was replaying in her head how to ask some Eric kid to the upcoming school dance. Once I heard the rubber tires of Jessica's car squeal out of the wet parking lot I made my way to the Volvo.

I strategically made an effort to keep enough distance between mine and Jessica's car that I would never be seen in the rear view mirror. Bella was a sharp girl; the last thing I needed was her wandering eyes seeing me follow them.

On the dull, arduous drive to Port Angeles, I popped in my favorite cd. Although it had many songs I often found myself playing Claire De Lune on repeat, one of my favorites. I should have been playing something more befitting of a James Bond or secret spy moment. I should have played a song that made me seem mysterious, like a total badass. Instead, I was definitely the complete sap following the girl he was infatuated with while listening to classical music. _Wow, what a ladies man!_

When I saw Jessica pull into the parking lot of the local, I mean only, formal dress shop in town I slyly drove past, scooting down a little in my seat. At least I knew where Bella would be for the next hour or so while I picked up a video game I'm sure Emmett already owned. I argued with myself that unless Bella ended up drowning in yards of purple tulle then she couldn't possibly be in any harm's way while dress shopping.

I pulled into the parking lot of GameStop, trying to ignore the fact that I probably looked like a total nerd upon entering the store. I rummaged through the New Releases wall of games and found one I didn't think Emmett had. I made sure to get a bag from the store so that if anyone had questions, especially Gwen, there was proof that I did in fact go all the way to Port Angeles.

I tossed the game in the backseat of my car and headed back towards the dress shop. I figured I could discreetly park across the street and slide down in my seat if need be. The fact that these plans came so easily to me worried me. _How creepy could I get?_

Only an hour or so has passed when I arrived across the street from the shop. When I saw Jessica's obnoxious face exit the front door, I eagerly anticipated Bella. Angela followed Jessica but, there was no Bella in sight. _Was she still inside paying for a dress? Even worse, if she was, who was she going to the dance with? _

I listened closely, I overheard Angela saying, "Bella still isn't answering her phone, and it's going straight to voicemail."

Jessica replied snootily, "Maybe her phone is dead. I'm starving and she said she'd only be fifteen minutes."

Angela dropped the cell phone to her side in disappointment, "I don't know. I hope she's okay. Let's just drive in the direction of the bookstore, maybe we will run into her!"

"Fine, but we better be eating soon," Jessica snorted while opening her car door and then slamming it shut behind her.

Panic shivered up my spine. Port Angeles wasn't necessarily a violent or dangerous place but Bella being anywhere on her own worried me. Every time I looked at her I was reminded of how fragile she was. I quickly reversed out of the parking spot across the street, missing an oncoming car by fractions of an inch. The gloomy day was growing dark. I'm sure she knew her way around, but I had to know she was safe. Following the sound of her thoughts was impossible as the girl had no thoughts, at least none that wanted to be heard by the likes of me.

I drove furiously through the town, glancing frantically up and down each corner, at every store. As time went on, it got darker and darker, till it was completely nightfall and safe for me to easily roam by foot if need be. The last time I felt this kind of panic was when Alice and I thought Gwen and gone and committed Hari-Kari.

I had almost reached the edge of town. There was no reason for her to be this far out. Most of the area consisted of shipping warehouses. The only things going in and out of this place were trucks and dead fish. Just as I began to loop back around and re-trace my tracks I heard many thoughts all buzzing together. Men's voices, no, young men. Probably six of them.

Pressing my foot into the brake, I slowed the car to a near crawl. The thoughts were fuzzy, often a sign of intoxication in a human. Maybe it was some of the workers who had just gotten off.

As my car inched closer to an alley on the side of a red brick warehouse, their thoughts became clearer. I knew I was getting close; soon I'd probably be able to hear their voices.

Just then, I heard the most vile, disgusting, horrible thoughts possible. Bella was here. I had found her. Complete and utter rage rippled through my entire body. She was surrounded.

Without any hesitation I sped the Volvo around the corner of the warehouse spinning the vehicle against the wet cement. They were fortunate; I stopped only inches away from hitting some of them.

It was then that my eyes met with Bella's. Hers were filled with shock and surprise, mine, I'm sure wide eyed with rage, the eyes of a killer. I was glued to the leather seat, afraid that if I did in fact get out of the car there was going to be a bloody massacre in Port Angeles.

I had to have self control. I focused on the task at hand. Bella's safety, I had to get her away from these despicable excuses for human beings. If I were lucky, I'd come back later and finish them all. I'd tear their limbs from their bodies for thinking those things about Bella.

I jumped out of the car, keeping my glare directed at the guy nearest to Bella. "Get in the car!" I ordered.

Bella didn't argue. She quickly moved past me and slammed the door shut behind her. I stared deeply into the eyes of those who trespassed on me and on Bella. I let out a deep, low, predatory, and most importantly territorial growl. Something that I only did while hunting.

I didn't care if they were scared or not. They should have been. Before they could blink I'd have their blood spilling on the concrete for even looking Bella's direction. I used all my willpower to carry my feet back to the car.

Slamming my foot on the gas, the tiny Volvo sped in a circle back out to the main road. My mouth was salivating, I couldn't calm myself, and my body was in fight-or-flight mode. I had almost forgotten Bella was in my car until I got a giant whiff of her freesia scent. Her alluring smell combined with my animalistic state wasn't a safe combination.

My hands clenched the steering wheel tightly while my eyes beamed straight ahead at the road.

"Slow down Edward!" a tiny voice commanded next to me.

I responded without looking her direction. "You're not driving. What were you doing back there?" I exclaimed, still desperately trying to calm down. I could hear her breathing hitch and I didn't mean to intimidate her.

"Me?" she questioned, "I'd ask you the same thing! How did you know where I was?"

I fumbled my words, "I didn't, I mean I did but…can't you just thank me!" I didn't mean to snap at her but I was irritable. All the horrible thoughts those guys had running through their minds about what they wanted to do to Bella plus her delectable scent kept me on the edge of my seat. I desperately needed fresh air, anything but the smell of her.

She sat back in her seat and began to fiddle with the zipper of her jacket. "Thanks," she whispered reluctantly.

"I'm sorry I don't mean to snap at you; you just don't know what kind of trouble you were in, what they were thinking!" I regretted the words just as quickly as they came from my mouth.

"And how would you know what they were thinking?" she replied predictably.

"One can guess. It's not hard, Bella." I responded half-dejectedly.

I knew exactly the restaurant Jessica and Angela were eating at so I headed that direction because no other alternative came to mind.

Bella and I remained silent the rest of the ride. I pulled into the parking space at the front of the restaurant. The café was dimly lit, with a quaint wraparound porch near the entrance. Just as I put the car in park Bella and I saw Jessica and Angela trotting down the stairs.

Like a gentleman, I opened Bella's car door and escorted her to her friends. The looks on Jessica and Angela's faces were priceless. It was a mixed emotion of jealousy and utter astonishment. Rightfully so, as it wasn't new to me that many of the girls found me attractive at Forks High, but they all knew I never showed any interest. Most of them were under the impression Gwen and I were an item, just like the rest of the Cullen siblings.

Once Angela managed to get out of the haze from my presence she lunged at Bella, throwing her arms around Bella's tiny frame. "Where have you been? I've been so worried, your phone is dead!" she said hurriedly into the side of Bella's neck.

Jessica stood there, eyeing me accusingly. She was obviously annoyed with the entire situation. This is why I liked Angela more than Jessica. At least Angela was concerned for Bella, unlike Miss Stanley. Before Bella would have to explain, I spared her.

"I'm sorry girls. I ran into Bella at the book store and we just got caught up talking." I explained. "Didn't mean to keep her."

It was this precise kind of situation when I didn't mind that my looks, my dazzling, my silky voice turned most women to mush. Both Angela and Jessica blushed and began shaking their heads in embarrassment. "No, no problem at all." Jessica replied. "Yeah, we were just leaving, sorry we ate without you Bella," Angela apologized.

I looked up at the tiny Italian restaurant, then back at Bella who must have been hungry.

"Actually, I'd better get Bella something to eat," I argued, "it's the least I can do." Bella looked surprised at the proposition.

For a moment she hesitated but then turned to her girlfriends, "I guess I could eat something, I'll call you tomorrow."

Expectedly, Jessica butted in, "But how will you get home?" Before I even had to answer Bella spoke, "Oh, don't worry, Edward's a great driver!" she responded sarcastically giving me an annoyed look. I didn't care what she thought of my driving or how annoying I was. Once again Bella was mine, alone, for at least the next hour.

Angela and Jessica walked to their car as I followed Bella up the steps to the restaurant. It was then that I noticed this was the first time I ever stared inappropriately at a girl's butt. Hers was so cute, tiny but a little meat making it appear perky. I shook the thought from my mind to be a gentleman again and open the door for her.

The overzealous waitress with a useless infatuation for me led us to a small candlelit booth towards the back of the restaurant. Bella reluctantly sat down across from me removing her jacket to reveal a low cut blue blouse. I swallowed the venom building in my mouth as I watched the dim light flicker across her tiny collarbones. I officially had a weakness for Bella's collarbones; okay, and maybe her adorable butt.

The waitress returned, trying way too hard to flaunt her cleavage my direction. I'd take Bella's collarbones any day over the waitress' attempts.

Bella ordered the mushroom ravioli while I politely declined. Another side affect of vampire diets: I'm a cheap date.

"You're not going to eat anything?" Bella questioned with concern.

"No, I'm on a special diet," I lied, even though it bordered on truth.

I couldn't pull my eyes away from Bella. Biology should be candlelit. Everything looks better by candle light. She kept her head down, staring at the cheesy red and white table cloth.

"How is it I tell you I'm not allowed to hang with you and we end up on a date?" she questioned with amusement.

My eyes widened at the word "date". "So this is a date?" I joked cockily.

I don't think I had ever been on an actual date. The idea of it excited me.

Bella blushed and fidgeted nervously like always, "No," she protested, "It's not, I didn't mean it like that."

The awkward silence remained between us for one whole minute, which seemed like an eternity with Bella. I had a firm grasp on what eternity meant; Bella did not.

The waitress broke the tension when she arrived with Bella's meal. At least now I could reason if Bella wasn't speaking it was due to her mouth being full of ravioli.

Bella took her first bite and I took the opportunity of her chewing to make a rather snide remark. "So, what would good ole Jacob think of you having dinner with me… pretty dangerous huh?" I questioned letting out an amused laugh.

Bella looked irritated. She began to chomp the ravioli in her mouth quickly. "I'm not answering any of your questions till you answer mine!" she retorted.

"Fine, knock yourself out, ask away," I said leaning back, relaxing in my seat.

"How did you know where I was?"

"I didn't," I replied, knowing it wasn't an entirely a lie, because I did in fact have to search for her.

Bella removed her napkin and set it next to her plate and began to leave the table.

Mistakenly, I reached out and grabbed her frail wrist, "Don't go!" I pleaded.

She pulled her arm away from me. "You're hand is so cold," she complained.

I pulled my arms close to my body, sitting there while my insecurities began to eat away at me.

She sat back down; my body flushed with relief. She looked up flirtatiously, keeping her eyes low under her lashes. _Damn women and their charms!_

"Did you follow me?"

I confessed, "Yes, but I was keeping my distance, until you needed me, if you needed me."

Surely, I sounded pathetic and Bella had already deemed me a stalker. But, to my surprise she continued to stare into my worn eyes with concern and curiosity.

I put my cold hands on the table, balling them into frustrated fists. "I feel very protective of you, Bella."

Bella pulled her hair in front of her face on both sides. She was blushing again. I adored her more and more every time she blushed, when she blushed at me.

Astutely, she pointed out, "You said you knew what those guys were thinking."

_Must she make me confess everything in one night?_ "Yes, I knew what they were thinking." I answered flatly.

Bella blinked uncontrollably and shook her head in confusion, "You can read minds?"

I glanced around the room and lowered my voice so only Bella could hear my response. "I can read everyone's mind in here but yours."

She began to bite her bottom lip coyly and it was killing me, not that I wasn't already dead.

Bella leaned in further and whispered, "Is there something wrong with me?"

I let out a huge laugh then leaned back in to whisper back, "See, I tell you I can read minds and you think something is wrong with you?"

She let out a deep sigh, realizing my point. I looked around the room pointing discreetly as I spoke, "Money; Sex; Death; Squirrel."

Bella let out a tiny laugh and looked at me quizzically "Really?"

"Really!" I replied unable to hold back the huge smile now plastered across my stone face.

"I wonder why you can't read my thoughts," she contemplated, taking another bite of her dinner.

I leaned into her as far as the table between us would allow, "It's very frustrating, you have no idea," I stated smoothly while staring deeply into her chocolate brown eyes.

Bella took another huge bite of her ravioli. I had sat with Gwen many times while she ate but never really envied her for still being able to taste food without wanting to throw it back up. My tongue only craved the coppery taste of blood. But, for that brief moment I wanted to share a meal with Bella, my date, whatever this was, rather than just watch her eat.

"You keep staring at me like I'm something to eat, do you want some ravioli?" she questioned with her mouth full.

I let out a small laugh. "Nope, ravioli is not on my diet plan," I replied thinking shamefully, _but you are._

Bella suddenly perked up and looked at me quizzically, "Is that why Jacob says you're dangerous, because you can read minds?"

I wanted to say yes, I wanted to be able to promise Bella the most dangerous thing about me was my ability to read minds, but that was far from the truth. Assuming Jacob didn't entirely know why my family was dangerous and he based his sentiments off local gossip, I had to continue with a lie. I hated lying to her.

"Bella, I have no idea why Jacob says those things about my family and I."

She put her fist to her chin looking defeated while she twirled her fork in the ravioli bowl.

"As far as I can tell the only dangerous thing about you is your driving; well that and," she cut herself off.

"That and what?" I prodded anxiously.

She paused for a moment, obviously planning her words strategically. "That and the look you give," she said shyly.

"What do you mean "the look I give," I probed for an explanation because I had no clue where Bella was going with this. _I had a dangerous look?_

She snorted, "Oh please Edward, you have to know that look you give; you know, the one that drives all the girls crazy." She folded her arms over her chest and looked every which direction except directly at me.

"I drive girls crazy, do I?" I asked amusedly. I knew girls were attracted to me, almost everywhere I went I fought to block out the thoughts of young and older women alike who fancied me. It was obnoxious, but being good looking and dazzling people was all a part of the vampire package. It was like being born with blue eyes.

Bella shook her head in disbelief then smiled at me. "Every girl at Forks High likes you in one way or another and those that don't are just mad because the only girl you pay attention to is Gwen!"

The mention of Gwen's name snapped me out of the flirtatious dialogue between Bella and me.

"That's not true," I corrected, "I pay attention to Alice as well, and I purposely don't pay attention to Rosalie, but that's neither here nor there."

She looked disappointed. I knew she had wanted me to say I paid attention to her also, but if that wasn't obvious by the current circumstances then I don't know what is.

"What's with you and Gwen anyway?" she asked reluctantly while dragging one of her fingers across her collarbone. _She was always so distracting_.

The topic of Gwen was touchy with me. The way things were panning out lately I didn't know how to answer that question. For any other girl since I've known Gwen it would have been simple. I would have given them some obscure answer that alluded to the fact Gwen and I were bread and butter.

"It's complicated," I spat out simply because it was the truth.

She stared down into her lap and I wondered what answer she wanted. Did she want me to scream at the top of my lungs that Gwen was like a sister to me and ever since Bella came into my life it's been a mess of emotions? The truth was my life, my mere existence was a complication; it was blasphemous. If people knew the secret my family harbored, they'd view us as an abomination.

I couldn't argue with them. Often I wondered that if souls exist, do vampires still have them? Or are we really a walking abomination, the antithesis of God's creation?

All these thoughts were digging me back into my self-deprecating hole. This wasn't the first time Bella had sent me to this very familiar place.

I buried my face in my hands, praying for endless silence, a place where there were no questions or answers. Just silence and Bella's beautiful face.

Suddenly I felt a light pressure on my shoulder. I looked up and saw Bella standing by my side with her dainty hand resting idly on my shoulder.

"Don't worry, you don't have to explain anything to me," she consoled, and I'd be lying if I didn't want to sit there forever in limbo with her warm hand touching my shoulder.

"Really?" I replied looking up at her angelic features.

"Trust me Edward, I understand complicated," she offered while removing her hand, "but it's getting late we need to head home."

I stood up from the chair and grabbed Bella's jacket, placing it delicately over her shoulders.

Like a gentleman, I opened the door for Bella. I felt strangely like a boyfriend in doing so. Walking through the steps of a date that wasn't really a date was awkward and, most of all, annoying.

I made a conscious effort on the ride home to drive slowly. Not because I ever wanted to drive slowly, in fact I hated it, but I wanted to prolong my time with Bella. There was a huge chance that after tonight Bella would heed Jacob's warning, and tonight would go as quickly as it came. The ride home was me savoring what I was forbidden to have. It was the same as what I forbade Gwen to have. Except mine was worse, because if anything was for certain my feelings for Bella were not purely platonic.

The console between Bella and I seemed like an endless barrier, an un-climbable mountain and yet my fingers twitched on the steering wheel to reach out and put my arm on the back of her seat.

My mix cd played softly on the stereo and I began to hum along to the song.

"You sing?" the small girl next to me asked.

"Not really," I looked over at her, "Jasper is the singer in the family. I play guitar fairly well, and a bit of piano." It was pathetic for not mentioning the third and most crucial part of my jam band, Gwen. Why is it that I felt compelled to always talk about her? She had been intertwined in my every day and I thought for years now she was the only human I could be close to.

"What about you?" I asked seeking any information about Bella's life outside of school I could get.

She let out an adorable laugh, "Me?... No, not at all. I can't sing, and I don't play any instruments."

I realized that I was heading in the right direction of Bella's house although in her mind I had no clue where she lived. I covered my own tracks by asking, "So where is this house of yours?"

"Oh, it's two streets up on the left, there's a rusty truck in the driveway and, uh, a …police cruiser," Bella said as if complaining.

"A police cruiser?" I pretended to be shocked and completely unaware to the fact that Bella's dad was the Chief of Police in Forks.

Bella was once again flooded with that shy embarrassment she often bore. "My dad is the Chief of Police."

"It's ok, overbearing fathers are my favorite," I joked, quickly realizing that made me seem like I had met many girls' fathers, which was far from the truth.

When I pulled up to the front of Bella's house I had a recollection of the night I crawled through her window. "Luckily my father is only overbearing towards bad drivers," she added with a smile.

I replied snidely, "What about overbearing best friends?"

She snapped back immediately, "I should ask you the same!"

"Forget it, I don't want to ruin this evening. I want to remember it just as it is, even if it is the last," I proposed hoping she'd disagree and save me the torture of thinking this whole night was just a dream, a dream in a world where a guy doesn't sleep.

"As it is," she acquiesced sweetly while walking backwards towards her house.

I leaned my head out the passenger side door, "You know Bella, you're absolutely lovely. Sweet dreams," I said impatiently, already debating if I'd be spending the night playing a video game with Emmett or making another cameo in Bella's room.

"Goodnight, Edward," she called back to me as the fall breeze blew wildly through her hair and her feet were surrounded by a swirl of leaves.

I sped home quickly, all the while wondering what heap of trouble I was getting myself into. It was better when she was forbidden to be my friend; that way was safer.


	17. Born To Die

**17. Born To Die**

GPOV

There Jacob and I stood, separate, alone, fragile, and bound together by secrets that if discovered could destroy us both and those we loved. We both looked out towards the water as what was left of twilight crept over the horizon, covering our bodies in nightfall.

My breathing quickened. I was cold, and scared to be alone next to Jacob, a creature I knew not of until today. I didn't know what he was capable of and the last thing I wanted to do was end up like Emily.

Obviously he could tell I was fearful because he whispered while still staring straight ahead, "Don't fear me."

This moment was oddly familiar. Not long ago I was here on this cliff side, in the sunlight, with my new friend, trusting him enough to jump freely by his side. It was familiar but different. The energy flowing between us was different. It was a range of fear, resentment, curiosity, and helplessness.

I turned towards Jacob in the darkness, "If you didn't ask for this, what happened?"

He turned towards me and my eyes scanned his half naked body. He then did an entirely unfamiliar gesture. He cupped my face in his warm hands and spoke, "No one would ask for this Gwen, no one!"

He dropped his hands onto my shoulders and his gentle touch let me rest a little easier knowing that I wasn't still in harm's way.

I put my now shivering hand on top of his resting on my shoulder, "Please tell me what's going on Jacob," I urged.

He removed his hands from my body and I had the compulsion to cling to the warmth of his chest.

"Let me make you a fire first, then I'll explain," he said, leading the way into to the forest. "Then you'll explain," he added.

A few minute's walk into the forest Jacob led us to a small clearing where he quickly gathered wood. He pulled a lighter from Quil's pants and worked diligently to set the damp wood aflame. Once the fire was burning steadily he sat down across from me beneath the trees that surrounded us and the fire.

I dug my numb fingers into my pant pockets and waited impatiently to see who would speak first, who would divulge all their secrets. I was never good at being vulnerable, only with Edward. He had some power over me in that way. With Jacob I didn't feel vulnerable though, I wanted Jacob to know about me. I wanted to stop feeling like I was the only human who knew about vampires. _Why did I have to be the only one with a secret?_

"So you're a werewolf?" I prodded, hoping that's the term he preferred to use.

Jacob looked ashamed and replied half-heartedly, "Yes; werewolf, shape shifter, whatever you want to call it." His tone was partially apathetic but at the same time saddening.

The words, "that's impossible," slipped through my lips before I even realized the implication of them.

"It's not impossible and you know that. As far as I'm concerned, between your family and mine, nothing is impossible," he exclaimed, referring to the fact that in the tiny town of Forks vampires and werewolves did in fact co-exist.

"How did this happen to you Jacob?" I asked, concerned that perhaps this was a curse, or maybe a birth defect, something he did not ask for. Perhaps he suffered as Edward did, with the pain that the life he lived was chosen for him instead of by him.

I noticed how Jacob sat comfortably in the chilly forest while I still shook from the cold, regardless of the fire next to me.

"My ancestors aren't entirely descendents of wolves, but some of them; the spirit warriors as we call them had the ability to transform. They could shape shift; it just so happened they took the form of a wolf. They protected our people for many years." Jacob paused, waiting to see if I could handle what he was telling me. I nodded for him to continue.

"You see, through the generations, their histories as well as their genes were passed down by our Elders. Not everyone on the res even has the ability to become one. They're lucky if you ask me," Jacob trailed off dejectedly.

"So does everyone on the reservation know what you are?" I questioned, surprised at the inclination that a whole other world existed within Forks.

"Of course not!" Jacob spat. "Only those who transform, only those before them and the Elders know."

Jacob jumped up from the ground and began pacing back and forth around the fire as he explained further. "No one can know. This is a secret; we are here to protect our people!"

"Protect them from what?" I probed, torn between the idea that there was something worse out there than vampires.

"Vampires, Gwen!" Jacob screeched in my direction. "We are only as we are because of the leeches."

I was more than slightly irritated with him for referring to my family's kind as leeches, but I had to know what he meant by "we are only as we are."

"What does that even mean Jacob?"

"Those of us who have the ability to transform, those who are direct descendents will only transform when they come of age if vampires are near." He ran his fingers through his hair with frustration as if he knew something happened he could not stop.

"Don't you get it, Gwen? There is no need for us, for werewolves, to protect the reservation if there isn't a threat."

I jumped in before he could say another word, "But my family isn't a threat Jacob! I promise they would never hurt you or your people," I pleaded trying to get him to see they were different.

"It's too late now. When the nomads came, there were only three," he explained. "Only a few of us transformed. The pack remained small but the damage was done."

It was odd to hear Jacob refer to them as a pack. I guess it was no different than the Cullens being a coven. Bird of the feather flock together, I thought to myself.

"But ever since your family arrived more of us changed, to be able to fight them off. The numbers are even now." Jacob dug his fist into the bark of the tree nearest to him.

"Gwen, vampires are our enemy, you could say our mere existence is to…" I cut him off before he could say something that would really upset me.

All of a sudden Jasper's words rang clearly in my head. "Wait, you personally ran off the nomads or your ancestors?" I didn't know exactly how long ago the nomads were here but even so, Jacob was too young. Even if it had been five years ago he would have only been a child.

He turned around from where he faced the tree, rubbing his scraped knuckles. He stared straight at me with his deep black eyes and replied, "I did."

I gasped at his response and quickly started running numbers through my head trying to sling together some sort of mathematic equation that would explain the missing puzzle piece in this whole story. I was good at math; hell, I was amazing at math and this wasn't adding up.

He must have noticed my confusion because his arms were holding his abdomen tightly when he responded, "We don't age." His droopy eyes filled with shame and he awaited my shock… yet it did not come.

I was not about to chastise him for one minute. In the dark, silent forest I felt an electricity sprint through my body. It was the feeling of utter relief flooding over me like the tide to the sand.

"Hold old are you Jacob?" I walked towards him slowly showing him I meant no harm and that his honesty did not sway me like he anticipated.

"I turned when I was sixteen," he replied dryly.

"How long have you been sixteen?" I asked not fully understanding the excitement building in my stomach as I awaited his response.

"Awhile," he said glancing up at me from beneath his thick dark lashes.

Jacob stood there silently, looking nervous as ever. "Ask me how long I've been seventeen," I commanded.

Every part of my being was shaking. I felt naked in front of Jacob. I was letting someone other than a Cullen into my world. There was no other way to describe how I felt about being on the verge of letting out my secret then to say I felt completely naked.

Jacob inched closer to me; I could feel his hot breath on my face as he asked, "Gwen, how long have you been seventeen?"

I looked up into his eyes, revealing myself to him and gave in, "Awhile," I said.

His eyes widened but not in disgust or displeasure. I think he was feeling the same emotion I had a few brief moments earlier. It was like letting a weight off our shoulders, and now we were both weightless and free.

We stood there silently, staring into one another's eyes, too afraid to look down at the metaphorical nakedness, the vulnerability between us. There was tension of all sorts in those few inches separating us. Every cold breath of air that escaped my mouth was matched with a warm breath from his.

"Why are you so hot?" I asked, shaking my head, realizing that's not what I meant by the question.

"Someone's got to keep you warm," he replied cockily.

Then all the sudden, there it was: Jacob's smile that I missed and longed for and worried had disappeared for good. It crept slowly across his face and illuminated his eyes as a small laugh left his lips. "Our bodies are different once we change. I run an average temperature of 108," Jacob stated as if that was remotely normal.

I blushed because I knew what it seemed like I was asking.

Jacob stepped back from me and kicked some dirt onto the dying fire. "Since you don't constantly have a fever like me, how about we get you somewhere warmer? You have a lot to explain."

"But where are we going to go?" I asked thinking neither of our houses were an option.

Jacob began walking back towards where my bike was parked. "Oh, you can come to my house," he hollered back nonchalantly.

"But what about the treaty," I mentioned remembering there were lines drawn on both territories.

He turned around quickly and I almost slammed into his bare chest. I stumbled forward and he caught me, "You're not a vampire are you?" he questioned.

"No," I replied honestly.

"Well then there isn't a problem. At least we are one question down," he said smiling as we reached the edge of the street.

He tossed the helmet my direction and said "Hop on" as if it were his bike. Under normal circumstances my sentiments would have been "Over my dead body are you driving my bike." Not even Edward was allowed to drive it.

But looking at half naked Jacob straddling my bike pointing for me to hop on back was the sexiest thing I'd ever seen and I'd be damned if I didn't give in just once. I slapped the helmet on and crawled up behind Jacob. Squeezing my arms around his waist I felt the warmth of his bare skin on my cold hands and forgot every reason I ever had for not doing this before as we sped off in the direction of the reservation.

The ride to the reservation was, simply put, thrilling. The chilly wind blew through my hair and I clung tighter to Jacob's abdomen, feeling the heat radiate off of him. Jacob stopped a little outside the entrance to explain the plan of action.

"We have to sneak you into the house," Jacob plotted.

"Whatever you say, James Bond," I replied jokingly.

Jacob's plan involved parking my bike behind the shed outside of his house. He would go inside and let me in through his bedroom window. Everything about the plan was exciting and new. I felt like a teenager playing truth or dare.

I sneaked around the outside of his house hoping that I was being quiet enough not to wake Jacob's dad. However old Jacob and I were I had no idea where our fathers stood on us sneaking into each other's room late at night.

I waited patiently by Jacob's window feeling the night air and longing for Jacob's warmth. Never would I have guessed the night would have brought me here. But divulging our secrets brought Jacob and I closer, on a new level. I was then reminded that I still had secrets and things to explain. I never really had to explain myself with the Cullens. I was just some sort of anomaly, a freak of nature if you will, that happened to fit in with a family of freaks.

The only thing I knew was Jacob was very honest with me and I owed him the same. While playing through what I would say in my head a dim light in Jacob's room turned on and I heard the glass window above me begin to open.

Jacob reached down for my hand and lifted me like I was a feather up into his room.

The room was simple and small. Everything was wood; it matched the cabin like appearance of the exterior. His twin sized bed appeared far too short for Jacob's giant-like height.

There were posters of classic cars on the wall intermingled with a few band posters. His closet was barren and I let out a tiny giggle, remembering what Quil had said about it being Jacob's last pair of pants. I wondered how many times Jacob phased in his clothes and, if so, did that mean the werewolves needed to undress before phasing. I had so many questions and I was entranced by being in another boy's room; another boy, other than Edward.

Jacob pulled a grey hoodie out of his closet and tossed it my direction.

"Put it on, I know you're still cold. I could hear your teeth chattering the whole ride here," he offered smiling warmly.

I looked in the mirror behind his closet. The sweatshirt read "QUILEUTE RESERVATION" across the front in big letters. I turned to Jacob and said, "What am I, a wolf girl now?" I asked jokingly.

"You wish!" he retorted, rolling his eyes, lying back lazily on his bed.

There was no couch or chair in Jacob's room, which made the situation of where I should sit very awkward. My room was the only room in the Cullen household with a bed so it was nice to feel the normalcy of another person's bedroom and be reminded that sleeping is a part of everyone else's day, even werewolves.

I stood there like a complete fool, staring silently at Jacob's bare chest. I even licked my lip to make sure I wasn't drooling. "Can't you put on some clothes?" I mumbled quietly to myself.

"Oh sorry!" he apologized, "I forget about it sometimes because I don't get cold."

"I'm not saying I mind I mean just ugh…" I rambled a string of incoherent nothings that made me sound stupid and Jacob could tell where I was going with my lack of words.

He grabbed a white wife beater off the end of his bed and threw it on. The wife beater did very little to distract from his rippling muscles and I put my hands on my hips giving him the look of "really..!"

He smiled cockily and put his arms behind his head leaning up against the wall under the window by his bed.

"So lady, it's your turn," he prodded while patting the spot next to him on the bed.

I quickly made my way to his bed showing no sign of reluctance.

"Well, what do you want to know?" I asked, hoping that he could lead the discussion and I would just have to answer his questions.

"You're not a vampire, so what are you?"

_Why did he have to start with that question? The one question I didn't even know the answer to._ "I wish I knew," I explained. "A freak of nature would be one way to describe it."

Jacob looked at me like I wasn't giving him what he wanted so I continued from the beginning.

"When Carlisle found me I was a patient in a hospital. He took me home and adopted me, simply off the intuition that I was special."

Jacob let out a cough-filled laugh. "Special?" he questioned, "What kind of special makes a vampire coven let a human in?"

"Well, the first special thing Carlisle noticed was I have no scent," I explained.

Jacob interrupted, "Of course you have a scent; you reek of cherry blossoms," he paused then added, "not that I mind."

This was the first time I felt like a fool for dousing myself in perfume. I did it to stand out to Edward and it was funny that Jacob was now making fun of me for it.

"I wear the perfume so I do smell like something. If I don't no one can smell me; I'm untraceable, I bet not even a werewolf could find me," I boasted.

Jacob was smart enough that he put together why me having no scent made it easy for me to fit in with my vampire family. "Vampires are tempted by human scent," he reasoned, "the Cullens can't smell you, thus as a human you pose no threat."

"Interesting, very interesting," he said while rubbing his chin like some ancient professor.

Jacob inched closer to me trying to be discreet but I was so entranced by him I noticed every move he made.

"Gwen, you don't smell, vampires don't want to eat you, there's got to be more to you than that," he argued.

I wanted to explain how I could leech off my family members' powers but it felt wrong divulging information about them. Vampire secrets were just as serious as werewolf secrets. It wasn't my place to out my family members but I wanted Jacob's trust back and he obviously trusted me enough to tell me about the Quileutes.

"Let's just say my family can do things, we will call them powers. I may not be a vampire but I can absorb their capabilities." I offered him what little explanation I could without giving away too much.

Jacob laughed and poked my side, "So you are a leech like the rest of them?"

I punched Jacob's shoulder even though I knew he was joking. Punching Jacob felt like punching a normal human. I could feel the flesh mold against my knuckles, not like when you hit a vampire. Hitting Edward was like driving your fist into a brick wall.

Jacob suddenly appeared full of surprise, he reasoned, "And that's why you don't age, because they don't."

I nodded my head feeling comfortable in finally being able to admit to someone other than a Cullen that I am in fact not seventeen.

Jacob then took the opportunity to lay down completely on his bed while I still sat motionless on the edge of the mattress.

"You're not too bad looking for an old lady," he said winking at me.

.

I grabbed the nearest pillow and threw it at him; of course his werewolf reflexes allowed him to catch it before it even grazed his face.

He placed the pillow down on the bed next to his.

"You can lay down you know," he said politely adding, "I don't bite." A huge grin crossed his face as he processed what he just said.

"Fine, dog," I said while lying down next to him on his tiny bed, "Just don't shed on me," I teased coyly.

I looked up at Jacob whose head was a few inches above mine we both smiled like two little kids.

"You can't tell me what powers you have, can you?" he pried.

"No, I can't, but I can tell you I have to be near my family in order to obtain the abilities," I said fiddling with the plaid sheets on his bed.

Jacob rolled over on his stomach and leaned over me, "I guess that makes you helpless right now huh?" he said deviously.

I looked at him bewildered, for a brief moment I worried was this all a plan to get me alone and vulnerable and tear me to shreds?

"Calm down Gwen," he urged, "I'm not the big bad wolf."

I let my muscles relax back into his bed. I loved the fact that Jacob could joke about his misfortune. With Edward everything was doom and gloom, curses, woe is me. At least Jacob accepted who he was and could find the humor in the little things. It was a relief.

As I lay there in Jacob's bed I realized how late it was; I hadn't heard my phone once.

Finally Jacob brought up the one subject that was touchier than my vampire family.

"Edward, your, umm, brother right?" he asked, "Should I call him that?"

I ran my fingers through my hair, frustrated with my lack of words or explanation for that matter.

"Would you believe me if I said it's just complicated," I mumbled.

Jacob looked me dead in the eye and responded, "I'm no stranger to complication."

I breathed a sigh of relief. The last thing I wanted was for us to have some Edward tangent leading to an inevitable fight.

I took the silence as an open door for me to bring up the one girl whose name I hated mentioning but now I think my reasons for hating her were changing just a little.

"Jacob, what is Bella to you?" I couldn't have been any more direct.

He bit his lip then spoke, "Bella is my best friend. She has been ever since she moved here. She is practically family and I care about her more than words can describe," he paused, "and to be honest that is why I don't want your bloodsucking brother within miles of here, or any vampires for that matter."

The hairs on my arms stood straight up. I was torn between the emotions of anger for him calling the boy I cared most about a bloodsucker, but also jealousy for his obvious territorial sentiments towards Bella. But I'd be lying if it wasn't a relief to hear him refer to her as his best friend and not girlfriend.

"I think I should explain my family; they are like vegetarians, they only live off the blood of animals," I explained hoping it would lessen Jacob's ill feelings towards the Cullens.

"I don't care if they live off tofu, Gwen, they are still dangerous and any human is temptation for them, however strong their self-control may be," he argued.

Jacob was right and all I could think of was the kind of temptation Edward suffered around Bella. He had every reason to worry about the well being of his friend. I knew Edward was better than that, I told myself every day that Edward wasn't capable of jeopardizing the life we had all made. But then again I had never seen Edward in such pain or disgust with himself so much as when he fled town. The last thing this conversation needed was an explanation of why Bella threatened Edward's self control. I had to paint the Cullens in a good light at all costs.

If I was being honest with myself, the whole night I was wondering why Jacob was being so forgiving of my deceptions. Why up until a few hours ago I thought he literally wanted to kill me and now here I was cozy up in his bedroom while his dad slept soundly in the other room.

I tried to be understanding of where Jacob stood. "I get why you don't want her around my family, but all I can tell you is I promise she won't get hurt." I felt awful for making a promise to him that wasn't in my control and I hoped I'd be able to keep.

"Don't worry, I took care of that. Bella has been warned to stay away!" he affirmed.

"You told Bella about the vampires?" I asked, exasperated.

"Of course not, I just told her to stay away from the Cullens and if she trusted our friendship she'd obey," he warned.

I instantly wondered how Edward was dealing with Bella's new found restrictions especially if he was paying no heed to our agreement. If Edward knew the Quileutes harbored werewolves he would have even more ammo to keep me away from them.

It was getting late and I let out a small yawn; Jacob followed.

I began to look around the room and fidget uncontrollably, trying to figure out how to exit gracefully. Jacob quickly noticed my dilemma.

"You can stay if you want," he said shyly in between yawns and I looked back at Jacob trying not to appear as shocked as I was.

_What the hell am I about to do?_

The mere fact that we both yawned together reminded me that however freakish we both might be, that we were both still human and needed sleep.

I nervously slipped off my boots and crawled under the covers next to Jacob.

The tiny bed made the space between us practically nonexistent. Once again I could feel the heat radiating off of Jacob and it felt very different then being next to Edward in my bed.

I rolled over on my side, strategically to avoid bumping into Jacob.

Less than five seconds had passed then I felt Jacob's weight shift in the bed. I could tell he rolled over on his side as well.

Shortly after I felt Jacob's heavy arm plop over the side of my tiny body. His warm hand pressed against my abdomen and he pulled me close into the crescent of his body. He did it so naturally, he didn't hesitate in the slightest and his confidence was a complete turn on. His actions sent shivers up my spine.

I laid there, frozen, feeling Jacob's warm, even breathing on the back of my neck. It made my hair stand up on end.

This night was a whirlwind of emotions and yet I was excited for where I found myself. Just as I began to drift off to sleep I whispered, hoping he was still awake, "Why'd you forgive me so easily?"

Jacob replied sleepily, "Carlisle isn't the only one who thinks you're special."

It was then that I let my soul completely melt into Jacob's arms and surrendered my entire being for the night. I drifted off to sleep while tracing the lines on Jacob's calloused hands. The last thing I remembered was feeling Jacob's 108 degree lips press firmly into the back of my neck.


	18. Lillie

**18. Lillie**

EPOV

The drive home was more daunting than it should have been. I figured there was no harm in actually delivering the video game to Emmett and if anything I could do it in front of Gwen so there would be no questions asked. I desperately wanted to spend the whole night in Bella's room listening to the lulling sound of her sleep talking but there was this impending feeling that my life was about to become a royal shit-storm.

There was no way hiding my feelings for Bella was going to last long. Gwen and I would surely get into it sooner or later which would lead to a bigger discussion of her involvement with the Quileutes. I wanted to play by the rules we made, I wanted to protect my family but this was bigger than that now.

Simply put, there was no erasing my feelings for Bella. Even if I left the country, even if somehow Alice could tell me Gwen was the one, I don't think she could ever be erased. When I returned from Vancouver Carlisle pulled me into his office to explain that he feels Bella is to me what the Volturi call "La tua cantante." It was a concept I hadn't ever heard of in my long life as a vampire. Bella's blood called to me more than any other. At least I knew that it wasn't something wrong with me. I could attribute some biological mishap to my insane inability to control myself around her.

When I pulled the car into the garage I noticed Gwen's bike wasn't parked in its usual spot. In fact, it was nowhere to be seen. It was late, nightfall had already occurred hours ago. I thought back to the last words she said to me before we parted ways at school. She said she had things to do.

My thoughts ran wild; what could Gwen possibly be doing this late at night? Then I reminded myself, the only kids doing things this late at night were troublemakers, and the biggest troublemakers I knew were the Quileutes. I gritted my teeth and balled my fists in frustration, knowing that while my big brother side wanted to be furious, the side of me that was slowly being overtaken by Bella knew better than to chastise Gwen when I had done no better.

I swallowed my anger and entered the house, trying to hide my emotions from on my face. When I got into the living room I saw Esme and Carlisle engaged in a game of chess, while Emmett was cemented to the couch playing a video game. From an outsiders perspective our family looked like a ridiculously hobby-obsessed group of people. But hobbies simply came with the territory of not sleeping, secrets, and no sunlight. Everyone greeted me as if it were any other day and I plopped myself down on the couch next to my bear of a brother.

Without turning his attention away from the aliens he was so obnoxiously shooting up on the flat screen he said, "I know you didn't go out of your way to buy a video game for me."

I tried to sound shocked and offended, "What? Can't your brother be friendly and buy you the latest video game?"

I pulled the game from the bag and tossed it into his lap. Emmett paused the controller and turned to me with suspicious eyes. "Edward, I'd like to think you were nice enough to drive all the way to Port Angeles just for dear old me but I suspect that's not the truth."

Before Emmett and I could get into a catty girl fight over a stupid video game, Alice glided down the staircase, ushering me towards her with her thoughts. I gave a small growl to Emmett as I left the living room and heard Esme say under her breath, "You two behave!"

I followed Alice to the library and got comfortable in Carlisle's leather recliner. I always enjoyed mine and Alice's heart-to-hearts but something told me this wasn't going to be pleasant.

Alice climbed up the sliding staircase that lined the books on the wall. She thumbed the old bindings but I knew better than to think she was actually interested in any of those books.

"Edward, why do you think you can't talk to me about what you're going through?" she posed innocently.

I trusted Alice with my life. I was closer to her than almost any of the Cullens but I didn't feel like discussing my recent indiscretions with anyone.

"There's nothing to discuss," I lied.

Alice gave me that look that girls always give guys when we are being stupid boys and they can see right through us.

"Oh come on Alice. Don't give me that," I pleaded rubbing my finger into my temple.

She practically flew down from the top of the sliding staircase and landed as soft as a ballerina on the ground next to me. Placing her hands on her hips she asked, "Are you afraid that I won't be supportive if you don't choose Gwen?"

My eyes widened that the words could even leave Alice's mouth. I shook my head in disbelief, "Are you telling me I am supposed to choose Gwen, or is this hypothetical?"

If Alice could just tell me what I was supposed to do then it might make the entire situation easier. I knew her powers didn't work like that; they were based more in personal choice than they were in premonition.

She sat down next to me on the arm of the chair. "I am telling you Edward that as your sister, I love you, and I support whatever you choose to do with your life."

Alice and I were having a much more serious conversation than it seemed. She was giving me her blessing to go for Bella. She was trying to tell me things would be okay but I couldn't help but think her words were betraying Gwen.

"What will happen to her?" I asked shamefully, referring to Gwen.

Alice perked up immediately, "Edward, you give that girl no credit. She is so much stronger than you think. She will be fine; I trust in my gut that she will be fine."

"Well I'm glad you trust your gut Alice, but it would destroy me to hurt her," I sighed, "It just feels inevitable," I added.

"I know you haven't ever been in love, but one thing I do know is everything about love is inevitable and if you fight it you will lose." Alice's advice sounded so wise and true but it didn't make the emotions or situation any less complicated.

I felt grateful for Alice approaching me. At least now I felt like I could talk to her about anything. Alice wouldn't judge me, she never judged anyone.

I gave Alice a hug and got up to retire to my room. Just as I was leaving the library I heard Alice's soft voice.

"Edward, one more thing," she paused for awhile, "If the tables were turned... could you be happy for Gwen?"

The question alone sent a stabbing pain through my heart. The only thing making it bearable was the confidence I had that Gwen wouldn't find someone else so easily. It would take her awhile to find someone to replace me. Part of me even wondered if she ever would.

It was wrong to want my happiness and not want the same for her but I didn't know a single man deserving of her besides the other Cullens and that was never going to happen. I also didn't know any other vampires or human that Gwen could potentially be with. Her loneliness would be long, drawn out, and complicated.

If I did somehow manage to obtain Bella's heart, I would try to be there for Gwen but something told me she would have no comforting from me.

It was even later that evening and still no Gwen. I tried calling her cell phone but every time it went straight to voice mail.

That damn girl always had me worrying. She was becoming out of control and my peace of mind suffered daily.

I let a few more hours pass before I decided to stop calling her phone. If she wanted to play this game then I was no longer going to play the concerned fool. I looked out my window at the starry sky and thought of Bella sleeping soundly.

It didn't take long till I was climbing out my window and heading in the direction of Bella's house. The whole way there I reminded myself of how her collarbones looked at dinner, how her adorable butt looked in those jeans, and the way her hair always fell so delicately around her face.

When I reached her backyard my body tensed instinctively. I felt like I was being watched it was almost predatory in a way I hadn't felt before. There, alone in the darkness and silence, I felt threatened. In the distance there was a faint pungent scent. I had never smelled it before. It made my nose itch unpleasantly. I tried to push aside my paranoid thoughts because I was only seconds away from seeing my beautiful Bella.

As I climbed up the tree outside her window I took one last look out into the forest behind her house. I saw no threats but I felt threat surrounding me in every direction. It was very unsettling.

I could hear Bella's even breathing and I knew she was in deep slumber. Her room was messier than I had last seen. This time instead of a t-shirt she was wearing spaghetti straps to sleep. It allowed her pale bare skin to be seen and I felt wrong for looking at her.

I noticed something new. There was a small dream-catcher hanging above her head at the top of her bed. I was certain it was not there the last time. As far as I knew dream-catchers were Native American objects that were supposed to keep nightmares away. _Was Bella suffering from nightmares and, even worse, was I a part of those nightmares?_

My head was spinning with conclusions about her dreams until I realized the person that probably gave her that was Jacob. It sickened me seeing an object of his affection hanging so close by her at night. I didn't want to stare at it but it was becoming harder to ignore.

It would be easy to remove it but I would never be so rude to Bella. Plus, there could be no evidence of anyone being in her room. I once again sat in the rocking chair across from her waiting impatiently for the sound of her voice, praying the words that fell from her lips would involve me.

All of a sudden I heard a wolf howling from nearby. It sounded close, which was odd because wolves rarely came that close to houses. It was one solitary howl then it vanished. I paid little attention to it because I was distracted by Bella's presence.

My neck perked up when I heard Bella mumble sleepily, "It's not a date." I was perched on the end of the chair repeating over and over in my head, "say my name, say my name." Some time passed and she remained silent. It was torture. Some sadistic part of me wanted her to wake up and see me. Some even more delusional part of me thought that she could handle a strange boy sitting in her room in the dark.

I sat there for the better part of a night just watching and waiting. I had made up in my mind that someday and hopefully soon I was going to get the courage to take Bella to the one place in Forks that meant the most to me. I had only been to the meadow a few times since our move. I didn't know exactly what I planned to do once I got her there. I relaxed my body into the rocking chair and lightly closed my eyes.

I let my mind wander and think of Bella in ways where she was more than a friend, where she belonged to me. When I heard the birds begin to chirp outside I opened my eyelids and realized how heavy they felt. Of course, I hadn't fallen asleep but that was the closest thing I felt to sleep since my human life. There in that room with this girl I felt so at peace. The images flashing through my head of her and I together were much like dreams. I tried to ignore the birds but they were a sign the sun would be rising soon and I had to make my way back home.

I pulled myself away from the chair and walked to the window unable to tear my eyes away from the girl who had thoroughly bewitched me.


	19. No Promises

**19. No Promises**

GPOV

All of a sudden my heart jumped and I awoke to the image of Sam towering over both Jacob and I. He was shirtless as always, with nothing but a pair of ripped denim shorts. I squinted and rubbed the morning out of my eyes and I could see every muscle on his body tensed. My first instinct was that he was pissed that Jacob and I had shared the same bed last night. He wanted to reprimand Jake for sleeping with the enemy so to speak. I pulled the comforter tightly over my body as if it could actually shield me from a werewolf.

Jake took a little longer but I kept nudging him with my elbow. He reluctantly rolled over squeezing me tighter with his arm but I was trying to pull away from him. Having Sam see me like this was embarrassing. Jacob lazily asked, "Morning Sam, how can I help you?"

Sam let out a deep low growl and snapped, "GET UP, BOY!"

Sam's irritated tone made Jacob immediately perk up in a defensive manner. "What do you want?" he argued back.

He began pacing around the room growing more and more angry when finally he said, "That girl you so happen to have in your bed..." Before Sam could finish Jake cut him off. "Don't you say a word about her!"

I felt an overwhelming sense of appreciation for Jacob standing up to Sam like that but the emotion was cut short when Sam interjected with, "So I guess you're okay with her brother stalking Bella last night?"

Jacob immediately pulled his arm away from me and looked furious. His cheeks were quickly swelling with the color red. He removed himself from the bed making himself eye level with Sam to have this discussion. I stayed like a scared little mouse under the covers. Everything within me wished to be invisible or blend like paint into the walls.

"What did you say?" Jacob urged Sam to reiterate more clearly.

Sam began to explain, "I was patrolling last night when I was in the area of Bella's house. I smelled him from far away and inched myself closer without him or anyone noticing."

Jacob listened intently and nodded for Sam to continue. I was hanging on every word Sam said.

"He seemed to notice something was around but did not take it as a warning. I then saw him proceed to climb up into Bella's window. The lights stayed off, I'm sure she was not awake or expecting him," Sam's tone was harsh but he made no exaggerations to further ignite Jake.

My mind was racing; I began to panic while Jacob's bed felt claustrophobic. Edward had betrayed me, the werewolves were going to be furious with his actions and I felt I needed to reach Edward and the Cullens as fast possible to warn them what was coming.

Jacob's nostrils flared and I could tell nothing that I was going say would sway his ill sentiments. Edward was a fool and had no idea the kind of monsters he was messing with.

"Are you sure it was him?" Jacob questioned.

"I am sure; I stayed till morning to be sure. The lights in her room remained off. I had to be there in case..."

"No!" I lashed out, "Edward would never hurt her!"

Jacob and Sam jerked their heads in my direction, "And what makes you so sure?" Sam asked with disbelief.

The words stung me as much to say as it stung Jake to hear. "Because he cares about her." I swallowed the lump in my throat and tried to appear stoic.

The soft Jake was no longer talking, "Bloodsuckers don't care about humans; they eat them."

Jacob quickly threw on some clothes and gave Sam a reassuring nod which only meant one thing; they planned to handle this situation now.

I grabbed my shoes and began to feel flustered. _Should I call Edward, should I call the others for back up?_ Jacob followed Sam out of the room and left me there alone with one last glance of, "I'm sorry."

I jumped out of Jake's window after gathering my things and ran to the shed where I knew my bike was waiting. As I sped off out of the Quileute reservation, I couldn't process all the questions I had. _Would they come as humans or wolves? If they did go as wolves would they get there before me and what would happen to Edward if I was too late?_ Even if I did arrive before the Quileutes, Edward and I alone were no match for them. We needed the others.

I drove my bike as fast as it would let me ignoring every road sign the entire way. While at an intersection I pulled my phone from my pocket and noticed a fair amount of missed calls from Edward. None of them were from this morning so I felt a little more optimistic. All I could think is _how could he be so stupid_.

I called the only person in my phone who I thought would be up this early and knew where Bella lived as I had no clue. "Newton's Olympic Outfitters, this is Mike; how can I help you?" he answered unenthusiastically. "Hey Mike, it's Gwen. Quick question: can you tell me where Bella lives? I need to drop off something for my dad."

The great thing about Mike, he was too dense to ask any questions. He gave me the directions and I ended the call quickly, pretending I was about to lose service.

When I pulled into Bella's neighborhood I didn't hear the sound of loud snarls or low growls so I had secretly hoped I had made it in time. I saw Bella's truck in the driveway but no other cars. I hoped her parents weren't home, not to witness this inevitable bloodbath.

I was close enough now that I could hear Edward's frantic thoughts and I took off running towards the Swan's backyard.

I heard voices coming from the forest behind the house so I ran further but with caution. Anything could be going on and running into the middle of it all could set off a panic. Plus, I had seen firsthand what happens when the Quileute boys get angry.

When I entered the small clearing in the forest it looked like a battleground. All the Quileutes were on one side, Sam, Jake, Paul, ect. then across from them a fair distance stood Edward by himself looking more off guard than ever.

I walked quickly to Edward's side and he sent me a bewildered look as if I had caused this whole fiasco. Edward was unaware that they knew about us, he was also clueless to the fact that they were a worthy enemy.

The Quileutes stood there in human form but very much in a predatory stance. I began to answer Edward's frantic thoughts with my own. I explained as quickly as possible who they were and what they were capable of. I watched the nervousness increase in his expression as his brow furrowed. I mentally asked him, _Should I call for the others?_ He silently answered, _No, not yet._

For the first time I saw Jacob stand out in front of Sam and act as if he were the leader.

"What are you doing here Cullen?" he asked sternly. I could tell he was trying to maintain his composure for obvious reasons. Once he phased they all would and this would end ugly.

"I have no business here," Edward replied calmly.

"Damn right you don't," I heard Paul say under his breath.

"And, I mean no harm," he continued as diplomatically as possible.

Jacob was not calmed by Edward's lax approach and took a step closer. "You and your kind have no business here!"

Jacob's words cut to the bone. I may not have been a vampire but the Cullens were my family. If he wanted to get rid of them he would get rid of me too.

I inched closer to Edward in a protective manner to show the Quileutes if they had a problem with him they had a problem with me too. Paul showed no hint of deterrence by my courage.

Edward urged me with his thoughts to stay back.

While conversing in thoughts alone with Edward, I failed to notice just how close Jacob had gotten to us. So close I could almost feel the heat radiating off his body again. The same heat that I longed for last night now meant the presence of danger.

"Get the hell out of town you filthy leech." Jacob's eyes flashed with vengeance and his stare pierced through both Edward and I. His words sickened me and made my knees feel weak.

Just as Edward was about to say, "We're not going anywhere," I heard the screech of tires coming from the front of Bella's house. In a flash Edward and I were surrounded by the other Cullens. Everyone was there including Esme and Carlisle. Alice took a protective stance in front of me and Rosalie was to my right. When my family arrived I finally felt I could breathe. Oxygen swelled in my lungs and temporary relief flooded over me.

If there was going to be a fight, if any of us were going down, at least now it was fair.

Carlisle jumped in front of Edward to take over the role as mediator. "We mean no harm to anyone," he said in an almost presidential manner.

Carlisle's interruption only angered Jacob more and I could see his muscles begin to twist and contort.

"Stand back Carlisle," I screeched as I watched Jacob's body phase. His ribcage shook, his clothes began to shred and once again I was met with the dark stare of Jacob's wolf eyes.

I could hear every Cullen around me gasp except for Alice. Jacob stood extremely close to Carlisle and let out a deep chesty growl. Just then I heard Sam yell, "Stand your ground, control yourselves." His words didn't help. All around Sam in the distance, the bodies of my once-friends began to phase into giant horse-sized wolves.

Jasper and Emmett let out snarls and every member of my family was crouched down like predatory animals about to pounce. I had never seen them act like this. I was frightened by everyone around me.

Rosalie turned to me quickly and demanded that I get out of there. I wouldn't; I stood my ground with my family preparing to be the only human that fought in this battle.

Sam remained in his human form surrounded by his wolf brothers, all just begging for a fight. It was obvious he didn't want things to come to this. Perhaps he knew in his head which side would win or perhaps he was more peaceful than I first assumed.

Just as I thought both sides were about to lunge at one another's throats it was as if an electrical jolt went through all of us. You could see it ripple across each of our bodies like a wave on the ocean as thirteen pairs of eyes stared with horror at the small human girl inching towards us.

She approached cautiously, surely in fear of the wolves towering over the Cullens.

The first thing she screamed, "I'll call the police!"

Edward ran to her side a little too quickly for human eyes and she looked confused at his speed. Jake, the larger red wolf, let out a deep growl at Edward which caused Bella to tremble with fear. Edward caught her arms and held her up. I despised seeing him touch her; after all she was the cause of this entire mess.

I could see even in this moment of chaos his thoughts took a little too much pleasure in touching her and it disgusted me that he could be thinking about such a thing with his entire family standing mere feet away and their lives in jeopardy.

Jacob slowly approached Bella in his wolf form and the rage in his eyes slowly turned to sadness. There was no way to know what could bring all this madness to an end. _Would either side care that a human would bear witness?_

As Jacob inched closer all of a sudden Bella panicked and took off running. She only got a few strides in before her clumsy body fell to the ground. She broke her fall with her hands but that was when the true chaos began. It was mere seconds before swirls of color formed around me in different directions. Edward threw his body in front of Bella while she lay there on the ground. Carlisle and Emmett were now fighting with all their strength to hold Jasper back.

The look in Jasper's eyes was vacant. I didn't recognize him at all. He was using all his strength to barrel through Carlisle and Emmett. Alice stood in front of him pleading him to calm down. I quickly glanced at the werewolves. Sam look confused and the other wolves moved around slowly with confusion. I stood there frozen; fearing any move I made would trigger a worse sequence of events. I took me a few moments to realize Jasper was not interested in attacking Jake. Bella's hands were covered in blood; she had cut herself with the fall. Edward stood in front of her wincing from the obvious smell but preparing to do whatever it took to protect her from Jasper's uncontrollable thirst.

Alice and Edward had told me a long time ago that Jasper suffered when it came to self-control. His history was colorful and bloody. When he was turned it was not pretty and being a vegetarian vampire was a struggle every day for him. But in that moment I was terrified of Jasper. The way he fought to attack Bella and writhed against his family members made me scared of what he was capable of doing, in fact what they all were capable of doing.

Jasper's eyes glazed over and Alice was finally able touch him, she held his face in her hands and he began to calm down. Emmett and Carlisle loosened their grip on him and Jasper took off running the opposite direction with Alice trailing immediately behind him. Carlisle looked ashamed for Jasper and knew that this incident would only anger the Quileutes even more. Sam approached Carlisle cautiously, waving for his brothers behind him to retreat.

"This is too dangerous; get your people out of here and I will do the same," Sam demanded.

Carlisle nodded in agreement, "Yes, I need to tend to Bella's wounds. We will deal with this later."

Jake let out a ferocious snarl at Sam and began to walk away in almost a pouty manner. The ground shook with every step the wolves took.

The wolves and Sam began to exit in the direction of the reservation while the Cullens that were still left gathered in a circle already beginning to buzz about what just happened.

Carlisle walked over to Bella, who looked like she had been hit by a train, "Esme, take the others home, Edward and I will stay and deal with Bella."

I was livid.

Carlisle was off his rocker if he thought I was going to leave. I had plenty to say to Edward and I was on the verge of exploding with anger.

The others submissively began to walk to the car and I stood there alone in the forest, not caring that Carlisle had just given me an order.

Carlisle walked over to me and placed his hands on my shoulders. His presence calmed me a little but I could still see Edward crouched in the distance by Bella and my stomach churned with utter disgust for the entire situation.

"Please Gwen; do not make me ask you twice."

I nodded in defeat and walked as far away from Bella and Edward as I could to get back to my bike in the front yard.

Disgust, complete and utter disgust.


	20. 9 Crimes

**20. 9 Crimes**

EPOV

I was kneeling down beside Bella, trying to console her the best I could, but my nostrils burned from the scent of her blood. My stomach was churning and I could feel the venom begin to swell in my mouth. I wanted to touch her, hold her in my arms and tell her to ignore the nightmare she had just seen.

Carlisle walked over to her and began to pick Bella up into his arms.

"No, I'm fine I can walk," she protested while rising shakily to her feet.

While I trailed a safe distance behind, Carlisle walked alongside Bella into the back of her house.

He turned to me and assured me, "Edward, stay here while I address her wounds; she's been through a lot."

Agreeing without resistance, I had no interest in testing my boundaries or self control with Bella at risk. I was already fuming from the incident that just occurred so anger plus thirst didn't make for the safest combination.

Carlisle had so many years of practice being around humans and blood that it didn't even phase him. I envied his self-control. I wanted to be there for Bella. The mere fact that she was the only one who got hurt in this entire mess disturbed me. Yes, I was angry with Jasper but I knew that anger would subside; it wasn't his fault, he was there trying to protect his family.

I tried to put the blame on Jacob and the other Quileutes but blame was the least of my worries with them. Forks was now the home of two deadly creatures and, with what appeared to be werewolves running amuck, I feared for my family and the residents of the town. I had no idea what they were capable of or their intentions. I only knew what Gwen briefly showed me in her thoughts. From what little Carlisle told me they were extremely volatile creatures with little to no self control.

Wincing at the thought of Gwen, I listened in to hear any conversation Carlisle might be having with Bella. How was he going to explain all this mess to her? She must be terrified.

Through the back window I could see Bella sitting patiently at the kitchen table gripping her bloody hand. Carlisle was rummaging through a first aid kit preparing what he needed to clean her wounds. She sat there staring silently. I hoped she wasn't afraid of Carlisle. She had no reason to fear him.

"Bella, other than your hands, do you feel pain anywhere else? If so we can move this to the hospital," Carlisle questioned with concern.

She looked up at him and spoke clearly, which surprised me since I thought she would be in more shock. "Yeah, my head hurts..." she paused. "What the hell just happened out there? Am I suffering from delusions?"

Carlisle let out a small laugh and began shaking his head. He took her small, delicate hand and began washing away the debris embedded in her cuts.

"Bella, you are not suffering from delusions, I wish you were. I am sorry you had to witness that," he apologized dryly.

"You're Dr. Cullen right? Umm, Edward's dad?" she prodded shyly.

"That is correct," he replied, "I am sorry we did not meet under better circumstances, I have heard a little about you from Edward."

I was shocked to see Bella suddenly perk up and the color return to her face. She was blushing at a time like this and it made me embarrassed for her.

Carlisle continued to dress the wound when Bella responded, "Really? What has he said about me?"

Carlisle began to smile and shot an unnoticeable glance my direction. "Only good things, of course. He's right, you're a very special girl!"

I couldn't believe Carlisle was selling me out like this! Yes, of course Bella was a special girl and, more importantly, special to me, but I'd tell her that if I was ever ready. He just threw me under the bus.

Bella smiled, which sent my heart soaring. She obviously didn't mind that I thought she was special. To be quite honest the only Cullen who knew my true feelings about Bella was Alice. Carlisle just knew she was enough to send me running away from home and that she was my singer. If that constitutes special in his eyes so be it because right now I was soaking up every minute of Bella smiling over that remark.

When I saw Bella wince at her wound I quickly snapped back to reality. She had seen my family in its truest form. Not even Gwen had seen us like that. Explanations were going to be demanded. How the hell was I going to explain horse-sized werewolves and the walking dead who could move faster than any human? Not to mention my brother Jasper wanting to take her head off! Yes, this all sounded like the perfect way to win a girl's heart. Gwen was surely going to lose it after this and I'd be damned if I didn't end up having it out with Jacob, werewolf or not.

My attention was turned back to Bella when I heard her say, "Please explain to me what I just saw, nothing makes sense right now."

Again, Carlisle glanced my direction. "I think it would be best if I let Edward explain, it's not my place."

Bella held her bandaged hand close to her chest when I took it upon myself to make my entrance.

Before Carlisle made his exit Bella asked, "Dr. Cullen… can we please keep this between us for now? Charlie will freak and my mom, well, who knows what she'll do!"

Carlisle let out a small laugh of amusement and nodded his head in agreement.

He turned to me, "She's going to be fine; I need to tend to the rest of the family, there is much to discuss. I will see you later at the house."

I hugged Carlisle on his way out and gave my thanks to him for patching her up. Finally the burning scent of her blood was gone and she was bearable to be around.

Bella remained sitting at the kitchen table just staring blankly out the window; I made my way to her side and crouched down to be eye level with her. I didn't want her to feel threatened by me.

"I think I want some air," Bella said calmly, which was better than her freaking out on me.

Bella walked slowly outside the back door of her house. I looked ahead at the forest where just a half hour ago a massacre could have occurred. Perhaps Bella's arrival was the only thing that prevented it. In a matter of an hour my life went from seemingly calm up in Bella's bedroom to a complete disaster.

"Will you take a walk with me?" I asked apathetically; at this point I had already accepted she wanted nothing to do with me and nothing less than brainwashing was going to get her past what she saw today.

She began fiddling with the sleeves of her shirt and spoke quietly, "You walk faster than me...much faster," and gave me one of those accusing looks from under her lashes.

Should I argue with her and try to convince her she was crazy or just deal with the inevitable?

Suddenly a clear image of the meadow came into my head and I knew that was where I wanted to have this discussion, but it was far away; at Bella's pace it would take awhile to get there.

I turned to her cockily, "Do you get dizzy easily?"

"Not really..."

Before she could say another thing I grabbed her tiny body and hitched her over my back and said the most ridiculous thing that had ever left my mouth, "Hang on tight spider monkey!"

I heard the smallest giggle escape Bella's mouth before I felt her grip my body tightly as I took off in the direction of the meadow.

To Bella, I'm sure the travel time felt like five minutes but for me it was an eternity. I savored every second of her warm body clutching tightly to my abdomen. I could feel her shudder into the side of my neck as the crisp wind hit her body while we rushed through the forest towards our destination.

She was probably the bravest and most trusting human I had ever encountered. After everything she had seen and been through that morning she still trusted being alone with me. No one was around for miles when we reached the meadow.

We both stood there silently by one another's side, staring at all the beautiful wildflowers that blanketed the clearing. Every color of purple and blue sprawled like a painting across an endless field.

Bella took off running into the meadow letting the petals of every flower scrape delicately along her finger tips. She looked over her shoulder, gesturing me to follow but I remained frozen, frozen under the shade of the forest.

The morning was over and now the afternoon sky had filled with sunlight. There was no way I could step out into the meadow without her seeing just one more thing that made me different from her.

She stopped in the middle of the meadow. I'd be lying if I didn't admit that Bella surrounded by all those flowers and the sunlight beaming down on her pale skin wasn't the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. Bella just stood there, staring at me, waiting patiently for me to join her but I did not move. We remained separated by the sunlight that was mere inches from my feet.

This was very metaphorical of how I felt about Bella. There was always going to be something that would keep us apart.

After a few minutes of me refusing to join her she made her way back towards me. Every bone in my body began shaking with nervous fear. She was just so damn confident around me and it sickened me that I did not have that kind of confidence.

_Why couldn't she just fear this situation as much as I did? _

"What are you doing?" she questioned me intently.

I didn't have an answer so I did not reply; I continued to stare out at the sunny meadow.

"If you brought me here just to ignore me then you can take me home now!" she demanded.

Her request to return home snapped me out of the hazy feeling of indecision.

"I don't know why I brought you here; I've never taken anyone here. This is my place." I replied still unable to meet her gaze.

She wasn't having any of my being coy. "Well, you better decide now why we are here otherwise I'm leaving. You owe me like… a million explanations!"

Bella began to look impatient and frustrated.

I gently touched her shoulder and said, "Close your eyes for a moment."

She looked at me with annoyance but did as I requested.

It took all the courage I could muster to step out into the sunlight a few feet from where Bella stood in the forest with her eyes closed. She looked adorable standing there with her eyes shut; very innocent, almost like she was waiting to be kissed.

If I wasn't too busy standing in the sunlight like an embarrassed little kid then I might just have stolen that kiss.

"Bella," I called her name.

She opened her eyes and was a little surprised to see I wasn't standing next to her. She then turned her gaze towards me.

I stared down at the grass in shame knowing very well she was probably being swallowed with disgust at the sight of my skin.

I heard her breathing hitch and I could have sworn she took off running in the opposite direction. Standing there enveloped in my own disappointment I was awoken by a small hand running their fingers along the side of my arm.

"Is this real?" she asked, "It can't be!"

I looked to my side to find Bella standing there wide-eyed, running her fingers along my skin; in the sunlight it looked like a thousand tiny diamonds sparkling in every direction. Just another awful side affect of being undead. She kept running her tiny fingers along my arms as if diamonds were going to fall off my body or that I might shatter like porcelain.

I waited for her to be scared; I waited for any unpleasant reaction that I was sure would follow this whole unveiling act.

But I was wrong; she just stood there in awe of the very thing I hated most about myself.

Bella moved her tiny frame in front of mine squaring our bodies. She then put her hands on both sides of my face, lifting it even further towards the sunlight. "What are you?" she asked unable to turn away from my appearance, her eyes scanning me over and over.

I grabbed both her hands and moved them away from my face and began walking further towards the middle of the meadow.

I answered nonchalantly over my shoulder as she followed carefully behind. "Would you believe me if I said this is the side affect of being a vampire?"

She let out a small giggle of disbelief. "That's not funny or true!" she exclaimed.

I kept walking away from her. "No more funny or true than horse-sized werewolves in your backyard right?"

I stopped in my tracks, unable to believe I just ousted myself and the Quileutes in less than a minute. It probably wasn't my place to oust them but, hell if I was going down today THEY ALL WERE!

Bella pushed my shoulder back forcing me to turn and face her again. I hated her seeing my skin in the sunlight and I didn't want to look at her any longer than I had to.

"Those things were…. WEREWOLVES!?" she yelped.

I gritted my teeth, fighting back the irony, but it didn't last. "That thing, that werewolf is your best friend Jacob Black!"

My words cut through her with surprise.

She had no response, just shock written clearly across her face.

"Yeah, who is the dangerous one now?" I asked knowing very well it was wrong to take jabs at Jacob without him here and able to defend himself.

"You expect me to believe all this?" she pushed her fists across my chest attempting to shove me.

"Don't hit me; you'll hurt yourself," I responded dryly.

I continued, "If you don't believe me, how do you explain this?" I pointed to my skin, "And what you witnessed this morning," I added.

Bella looked very confused and the intense look in her eyes gave way for her skepticism.

"I don't know how to explain it. This is like superhero stuff," she mused.

I snapped my head in Bella's direction, "What if I'm not the hero?" She needed to know just how dangerous we all were.

She clearly wasn't taking me seriously.

I cornered her up against the tree on the edge of the field and reminded her of my least favorite memory. "The moment I met you I wanted to kill you! How's that for superhero, Bella?"

Disgust didn't even begin to describe how that memory made me feel, and now I felt naked in front of her. She could see the shame written all over my face.

"Then why didn't you? Why don't you kill me now if you really are a vampire," she argued daringly.

Impulsively I grabbed her wrist pinning it to the tree. My nose was so close to her neck I could smell her distinctly and the scent burned my throat a little.

"I don't want to hurt you Bella, EVER!" I let go of her wrist.

Bella slid down against the tree, folding her legs into her chest like a scared child.

I backed off for fear of driving her away. It was probably best since her scent was beginning to make my chest ache.

She dug her head into her knees, hiding her face from me. After a few moments of silence she began to shake her head back and forth.

"How am I supposed to react to this?" she muttered to herself.

She continued reasoning with herself before I could get a word in.

"My best friend is supposedly a werewolf and the guy I have a crush on is a vampire and none of that is real."

My heart jumped at the part about me and my eyes widened; I was hanging on edge for her next remark.

Silently, Bella kept digging her fingers deep into her temples as if it would make this nightmare all disappear.

She looked over at me when I joined her on the ground by the tree. "You promise you won't hurt me?"

I nodded, making my promise to her.

"Will he?"

I knew she was speaking of Jacob, her best friend, a werewolf. Unaware of his capabilities, I wanted to assure her but I couldn't so I replied as honestly and unbiased as I could.

"I don't know Bella."

My answer only made me think of Gwen and how I was concerned for her safety and Bella's.

"My family will not hurt you," I reached out to touch her reassuringly but quickly pulled my hand back, not knowing how safe she felt.

Bella ran her fingers through her hair with deep frustration, "Your family… they are all vampires?"

"Everyone except Gwen," I replied honestly.

Bella and I remained sitting under the tree in silence for quite awhile. Neither of us had the words to convey our emotions. I felt terrible for her. She didn't deserve to be exposed to any of this and I'd have Jacob Black's head on a stick for bringing all this about.

"There's no going back, is there?" she asked with a look of despair in her eyes.

Out in the meadow, I watched how the butterflies flew from one flower to the next and how all the colors seemed perfectly in place. Just a couple yards away from us there was a calm world, one that made sense and was beautiful. But, here under this tree was chaos and nothing made sense and Bella was the only beautiful thing amidst all the ugliness. I knew my reply.

"No, there isn't. I'm so sorry."

"I have to know everything now," she looked at me like she was waiting for me to just hand her a book that explained my world but it was not that simple. Every day it was something different and yet always the same.

I didn't have much to offer her, but if it made her feel better to know everything, then so be it. It's the least I could offer.

"I'll tell you anything you want to know, Bella. Anything…. until you feel safe. Until you're mind is at ease."

She relaxed her body into the base of tree and so began an entire afternoon of Bella learning everything about my family and me. There was no holding back. I would be completely transparent and if, at the end, she wanted to never see me or my family again we would leave Forks immediately.

Of course she began with all the typical questions someone would ask. Stupid things based on movies and books, like why I didn't burn in the sunlight or garlic and crosses. After getting past the lame ideas pop culture had built surrounding vampires we got more personal. We discussed things about my family, and us not really being siblings, where we all came from, why we missed school so often.

I thought that was as personal as it could get but then she wanted to know why I fled school the first day. She wanted to know why Jacob said I was dangerous. She even pried into my special abilities and the trip to Port Angeles. I watched the surprise fade from her face as we continued on with discussion. Things finally began to make sense to her, all the confusion slowly came full circle and I could tell she knew I wasn't making any of this up.

I think what she feared the most was no matter what I told her it sounded like the truth, because it was.

She was disappointed that I didn't have much to offer about the werewolves. I explained how this morning was our first encounter and we had no idea. I know she wanted more information but I didn't have it. As much as I despised Jacob Black, his secrets, his life was his own to tell. If Bella ever decided to give him the time of day to let him explain then at least he could have that.

Bella was adorably curious about everything. I felt like she actually did most the talking since every five seconds she had another question. It felt so odd telling secrets to any other human besides Gwen. After hours and hours of discussion there was silence for the first time in what seemed like ages.

"Why me?" she asked, as if that question could be answered simply. I knew what she was asking because it was an entirely loaded question.

Why, of all people in my life, in this world did Bella Swan's blood sing to me?

I grabbed her hand and placed it gently inside my cold stone hands.

"In my 107 years I have never had someone call to me or whose blood sang to me like yours."

After saying it I realized how demented my explanation was, but it was the truth in a way. True, I had noticed Bella before she had ever posed a threat to me; that day in the cafeteria when I couldn't pull my eyes away from her. But then I remembered another reason besides her sweetly scented blood that made her so special to me.

"I can't read you Bella. No matter how hard I try I can't read your mind."

I could tell she was thinking back to our dinner when I told her I could read minds; it's funny how she didn't seem too shocked then and didn't now.

"Not only are you the first person whose mind I have never been able to penetrate but your blood sings to me Bella, and it only makes me want you more!"

I felt her hand begin to shake a little nervously in mine.

"Like, want me to eat…?" she questioned warily.

Letting out a small laugh I shook my head, "Bella, I already told you my family are vegetarians; we only live off the blood of animals. I promised I wouldn't hurt you!"

She pulled her hand away from mine and began to scoot a little further away.

"How can you be sure Edward? You say that my blood tempts you more than anyone else!"

She had a point.

"How am I supposed to know someday you won't just ravage me?"

Her concern was warranted and I couldn't figure out how to make her believe me. She was the last thing on this earth I wanted to hurt. Her presence alone breathed life into me that I hadn't felt since before Carlisle turned me.

Before I had time to be reasonable, before I even realized that there was no restraint in what I was about to do, I found myself cupping both of my cold hands on both sides of Bella's beautiful face.

"This is proof," is the last words that left my mouth before I closed my eyes and crushed my lips into Bella's.

Every sound, every movement of the wind, all the heat from her body resonated off of her. That moment was the most intense thing I had ever felt and only intensified as she pulled herself closer to me, intertwining her little fingers through my hair at the back of my neck.

She did not pull away in disgust, she only pressed her tiny soft lips harder into mine. My precious Bella rose to her knees and so did I as she began to writhe her lips harder against mine. Just as she began to anxiously prod her tongue I pulled back gasping for air and relief from her taste. The scent was overwhelming and her taste in my mouth caused the burning sensation to run wild throughout my entire body. She sat there on her knees looking at me like she had done something wrong.

I felt awful, but I couldn't take anymore; it was just too intense. I had underestimated the results of my actions.

I relaxed back into the ground, pushing myself a little farther away from her to relieve myself from the pain. It was a good pain, but pain nonetheless. I had never expected what it would be like to kiss her. It was like tasting liquid fire. The taste was alluring and dangerous. Though my insides burned, I wanted more but I felt it was no longer safe. I had promised her safety and my kiss was only to help prove to her how much I wanted her.

If I had to feel the burn of liquid fire every day of my life for the rest of my life to be with Bella, I would.

This was exactly why I had waited all these years. That kiss would be forever ingrained in my mind.

I was so caught up in my own bliss from having had Bella's mouth against mine just moments prior I forgot how shocked she must have been with my reaction.

I moved closer now that the pain had subsided and put one hand to the side of her neck. "I'm sorry; I hope I didn't frighten you. That was very intense for me."

Bella rolled her face to the side kissing my hand that rested on her neck. "Are you okay?" she prodded calmly.

"I'm fine," I lied. I was more than fine, I was fricken great! "You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that Bella."

She looked at me with concern, "Does it hurt?"

"A little," I replied downplaying the pain I felt earlier.

She smiled and began to blush, "You're lying! I can tell it hurts, you're such a masochist," she declared while rolling her eyes.

Bella appeared disappointed, "I don't want to hurt you either, Edward."

"You won't!" I snapped defensively hoping that this wasn't her regretting the kiss. Nothing could make me regret that kiss, not all the pain in the world!

Bella looked up at me through her lashes, "Then prove it!" she boasted seductively.

This time my moves were more calculated and smooth. It wasn't rushed like the first time. I moved my face slowly closer to hers. With my eyes closed I waited patiently for her to close the gap in between our two lips. I could feel her breath close to me. Even better, I could feel her heartbeat race heavily.

Finally my patience had worn thin and I pressed my lips gently into hers. I pulled back a second taking in air preparing for the rush of pain. The burning sensation was there but it was not as painful as the first kiss. Her soft cheeks felt like silk underneath my hands as I cupped her face. She kissed passionately and anxiously. I tried to restrain myself but she did not make it easy.

Inside this ancient vampire was a hormonal teenager dying to get out. Unfortunately for me Bella was also a hormonal teenager. She lunged her body at me, wrapping her tiny legs around my waist. I couldn't believe this shy girl was acting like this. She ran her hands wildly along my back and sides, never letting her lips part mine for more than a second. Her heartbeat quickened even more.

I tried my best to remain in control. I had to calm Bella down, there was no way I could handle much more of this. As her eagerness increased so did the pain in my lungs. She bit my lower lip and by god it was the sexiest thing that had ever happened to me. Once again she worked diligently to prod her tongue into my mouth. I prepared all the self restraint I could muster swearing to myself I would only let her do it once. Once because I wanted to know and once because of how badly she wanted to.

Finally I let my stone lips part and I could feel her seize the opportunity. She slowly slid her tiny wet tongue into my mouth. It tasted like a hot coal, and then I felt her hips hitch and suddenly writhe into me. This girl was going way too fast. As much as I wanted to let Bella take over me, I couldn't handle it. Once was enough to show me my boundaries and I quickly used my hands to move her face away from mine. She opened her eyes and they looked hazy, almost a drug like or sleepy state.

She licked her lips and then bit down on the bottom one coyly.

_Holy crap this girl was going to be the death of me!_

"Too much," I said gasping for nearby air that didn't taste like Bella. I lifted her body off my hips and placed her down in front of me. I leaned forward resting my forehead against hers.

"You're going to kill me," I said playfully.

"You're already dead," she replied nonchalantly trying to lean in and kiss me again. Her eagerness drove me wild but I had to have restraint. I was not prepared for yet another episode.

I looked deeply into her chocolate brown eyes, "Bella, this is serious, we have to be careful!"

"Fine," she said pulling herself away from me, "I won't push you to do anything you don't want to."

I grabbed her torso, pulling her back towards me, "You know it has nothing to do with me not wanting to!" _How could life be so unfair?_

Bella sat there looking content with having the upper hand. I sat back against the tree and pulled her tiny body in between my legs so that she may rest her back against my chest.

She leaned back into me and comfortably rested her head under my neck as I nuzzled my nose into her hair.

She let out the tiniest yawn and whispered sleepily, "I'm so tired."

I ran my hand gently across her head lulling her to sleep. Bella had been through a lot today I couldn't imagine how much she needed to process. Our kisses alone were too much to process.

"Rest as long as you need," I whispered just before kissing the top of her ear.

I let Bella sleep against my chest under that tree for hours until nightfall came. I was the happiest I'd ever been. I would have been content spending the rest of eternity in the meadow with this precious girl. Although I knew this perfect moment could not last forever, reality awaited just beyond the borders of the meadow.

Bella's world had been single handedly turned upside down; I couldn't help but feel my destiny with her was slowly but surely aligning. Yet, my family's well being was on the brink of disaster with the werewolves close by.

I had to see Gwen; somehow I had to find the words to apologize because there was no covering up the completely foolish happiness that covered my face. She would see my thoughts instantly. All the lust and love for Bella would tear Gwen to pieces. I needed to go home but I was terrified of what home meant.

I also never wanted to leave Bella's side. Now that I was quite sure I had her, I was too afraid to leave and possibly lose her and this bliss.

Rubbing Bella's little hand I slowly woke her. She dug her sleepy little face into my neck and I adored her completely. Bella placed a solitary kiss along my neck and quivers went down my spine.

"Bella I must take you home, your father will worry." I said trying to get her to fully wake.

"No, I don't want to go home, not without you," she replied sleepily.

I wanted to appease her but I had things that needed to be taken care of.

"Will you go home if I promise to come see you tonight?" I questioned thinking finally I can spend the night with Bella and she will know I'm there.

"You promise?" she asked looking into my eyes as if they spoke any more truth than my lips. She should know I'd never lie to her; she should know I did not wish to part ways any more than she did.

"I promise." I said kissing her gently on the lips.


	21. Alright

**21. Alright**

GPOV

My tires screeched as I abruptly pulled my bike into the Cullen driveway. My helmet caused my head to pulse, as an unexplainable anger built up inside of me. Edward's selfish ass should be here instead of with Carlisle and that wretched excuse for a human being, as if a doctor couldn't handle Bella's wounds.

I maniacally laughed at myself for referring to her as a human. Technically I was human too, but she and I were not equals. No, not a chance in hell was she my equal. I wanted to go inside and make a huge scene. Blaming Edward for this mess was easy. Yes, I was hanging out with werewolves unknowingly, but Christ he was sneaking into a human's room at night. I think he's easily to blame. I was positive Alice would take my side especially after what almost happened with Jasper; she had to be just as heated as I was.

Upon entering the house, I slammed the door behind me, making sure every one of them knew I was home and that I was pissed.

They were all gathered in the living room like usual. Jasper and Alice were separated in the corner, it appeared he was still ashamed and Alice was continually consoling him. Emmett was going on and on to Rosalie about what he would have done given the chance. She rolled her eyes and continued to file her nails.

I can't believe they were being this campy after what just happened.

I grabbed Rosalie's nail file and chucked it at the wall. "What the hell are you doing? This is not a time for doing your nails!" I yelled, giving everyone the crazed look of a woman gone mad.

Rosalie jumped up to reprimand me but Emmett quickly pulled her wrist back, pinning her to the couch.

Esme rose to her feet and placed both hands on my shoulders, "Gwen, calm down already! Getting everyone riled up again isn't going to help."

Just as I thought Esme and I were about to have a serious spat, Carlisle entered the room; I waited for Edward to enter behind him.

I kept waiting but Edward did not appear.

I glanced at Carlisle indignantly, "Where the hell is he?"

Carlisle just shook his head at me, "Quit being so brash. Edward will return when he feels like it. This family has bigger things to worry about than you and Edward having a fight!"

"You've got to be kidding me," I screeched, "Am I the only one who thinks a family meeting is necessary, like right now, not whenever he decides to join us!"

Emmett snickered, "Let me call Edward!" Rosalie jabbed him in the side.

This was not a joking matter and no one else in the room seemed to be as on edge as me.

Carlisle spoke, "A family meeting is most definitely in order so everyone sit down!"

"I can't believe we're not waiting for that moron to show up, after all this is his fault!" I remarked harshly.

I had wanted to blame Edward but hadn't really planned on doing so till the words inexplicably fell out of my mouth.

"Gwen seems to have a lot to say," Esme offered trying to give me room to make myself heard.

I then began my very long oration. I explained how I had been hanging out with the Quileutes without knowing who they really were. I then told them how I knew Edward had feelings for Bella but I didn't know he was going to see her in the middle of the night. I also told them how Jacob was very protective of Bella and they wanted the Cullens out of their town. I left out the part about Jacob and I fighting and the slumber party. I skipped onto the morning scene where Sam had caught Edward so they all went to confront him. I admitted to Carlisle that I told Jacob a little about who we were but thought since he already knew there was no harm.

Jasper looked beyond irritated when he listened to me recall how much they knew about us. He then demanded I tell him everything I knew about the werewolves. His growing intensity made my stomach churn. I reiterated that the Quileutes were not out to hurt us, they were just protecting their people and want us out of Forks immediately.

Carlisle was not surprised when I told him about how they had an earlier run-in with nomadic vampires and our kind had caused many problems for their elders.

I ended my long drawn out speech with an apology to them all. I had only found out the night before about the werewolves and I didn't mean to cause any trouble by not telling them sooner.

I could see in Alice's confused facial expressions that she was wondering why I had not come home last night but I was pleased when she decided to leave that out of the present discussion. I don't think my story would have sounded as valid if I included my sleepover at Jacob's house.

Just as I finished, Emmett chimed in, "Good story Gwen; I'm ready to hunt some werewolf, any takers?"

Jasper perked up at the prospect.

"You guys are underestimating them and you aren't going to hurt them, I won't let you," I chimed in.

Rosalie let out a tiny snarl my direction, "What do you care? They would have killed all of us if they had the chance, even that stupid Bella girl."

I took a little too much pleasure in Rosalie sharing my sentiments on Bella.

"Everyone stop being ridiculous," Carlisle remarked.

"However we handle this, we need to be very careful and calculated," he continued. "This could have been an isolated incident, we don't know if they still mean us harm. I need to meet with their leader as soon as possible."

"You're not going alone. I promise I will control myself this time," Jasper offered impatiently.

I interrupted, "Sam is not a bad guy, and they don't want to harm us, they just want us gone. He'll avoid bloodshed at all costs."

"Could've fooled me," Rosalie snorted. "I will rip him to shreds."

"You're so adorable when you're angry," Emmett smiled at Rosalie.

"Why do they want us gone? We haven't hurt a single human since we've been here." Alice prodded curiously.

"They feel threatened by Edward and his relations with Bella." I paused, "And, they can't go back to being human unless vampires are gone, unless we leave."

"What does that mean?" Jasper eyed me intently.

"I told you guys, they are only as they are because of us. Werewolves only exist because of vampires. They won't stop phasing or begin aging again until we are out of their neck of the woods." I reiterated, annoyed that no one listened when I said this earlier.

"This affects our decision," Carlisle said. I interjected, "What decision?"

"If we are staying in Forks," he said softly.

All I could think is we should definitely leave, then Edward would never see that awful girl again and maybe life could go back to normal. But then a horrible pain hit me in the chest. Jacob, what if I never saw Jacob again? That was not something I was willing to barter with just yet. The idea of Jacob was something that was so confusing to me. He was not concrete in my life like Edward was. Edward was my past, present and supposed to be my future. Jacob and Bella were merely speed bumps.

I did not want to leave Forks but I knew if we did leave then Jacob's life could return to normal. As far as I knew, and from the sadness behind his eyes, it seemed like he wanted to be rid of that life. I could give that to him. My family leaving could make that happen for him and his friends.

The rest of the afternoon was miserable. Daddy Carlisle put everyone on lockdown, which was ludicrous in my opinion because Edward had not returned home yet. If we all had to sit here and suffer then he should too, not to mention we had a major discussion in store. I spent the day fiddling impatiently. I spent an hour or two flipping channels only to pause on a couple infomercials that caught my attention.

The most frustrating part of the whole afternoon was the impending decision Carlisle would make. _Would he really take us all away from Forks, and if so would I get to say goodbye to Jacob? _Once again I felt like a rat trapped in a cage, a sentiment I hadn't felt since my earlier days at the hospital.

Once early nightfall came I finally heard the sound of the squeaky door handle turn, a sound I had been waiting for the entire day! Edward entered and the shame plastered across his face was a mere prelude to his horrific thoughts that quickly flooded into my head and heart.

I began to panic and my lungs closed up so tightly that I gasped over and over for air. I began furiously shaking my head back and forth, fighting the flood of tears that I knew were moments away from betraying me. I did the only thing my shell-shocked body would allow and that was take off for the stairs up to my room, slam the door and lock it immediately.

Just as I had reached the stairs Edward went for my arm but Alice snapped, "Let her go!"

I sat down in the corner of my room, rocking myself back and forth trying to bring myself out of the shock, but the images kept playing over and over in my head. I thought my heart was surely suffocating and my eyes burned with the most indescribable pain as tears began to fall. I let out a huge sob, which only upset me more because I knew everyone downstairs could hear the pain flooding out of me.

I despise being human. Why did trivial things like crying have to make me seem so weak? Sitting there on the floor, curled up in darkness I let the images of Bella and Edward together in some private meadow overcome me. There was no way he could have hidden these emotions and thoughts even if he tried. Some of these emotions I couldn't even fully grasp but all I needed to know was he did it. He gave away his first kiss to her. Everything I had been waiting for, holding out for he gave away so carelessly. The only thing that gave me slight pleasure was maybe he could hear my thoughts, my pain even from downstairs. I wanted him to suffer as I did. I grabbed a journal and pen from my desk and began scribbling the words furiously.

_Dear Edward,_

_There is this feeling in my heart. It is an awful lot like glass shattering into a thousand pieces. A hole is left, unidentifiable of what once was. I gave up sunlight and aging, what little I had… all to be frozen in time with you. If it's not with you then I don't want this life. You're the only thing that makes eternity bearable. What have you sacrificed? I am suffering from some profound disorientation. You feel no guilt for the suffering you have caused me. I see it in how easily you kissed her. I waited my whole life to kiss you and yet I am still without. I was the patient one. I waited for you. You and I both know we were the real thing. Everyone wanted this for us, everyone but you. I was always enough till she came along. She has stolen the only thing that was ever mine. I accepted you and your family for who they are. I am the only one who sees you for what you are. I will always be the mirror reflecting the truth about you and yet I reflect it with pure and incandescent love. How could you? I hope you know the life you're choosing is an unhappy one. Bella will grow old, her bones will become frail, she will become ill and you will be forced to sit by and watch her die. I chose eternity; I chose to be eternally yours so that we would never have to part. I chose this because I could never cause you the pain of leaving in death or any other way. Where will you be when she is gone? I will not wait for you Edward. I worry this damage is irreversible. I cannot forgive you for giving her what was mine. I fear you have left me with a decision. Eternity is nothing without you._

_I'm sorry but not as sorry as you will be._

_Love,_

_Gwen_

I knew my words were a bit melodramatic but I was hoping for a huge impact, poetic words that would ring throughout his head for years to come while he wallowed in my absence. And with that I left the note on my bed, grabbed a few belongings and crawled out my window down the siding of the house hoping to make my escape before Alice could spoil my plan.

Next thing I was speeding out of the driveway on my bike without so much as a glance behind me. I headed in the direction of the reservation swallowing every bitter emotion that still lingered on my open wounds. I wanted trouble to find me; I wanted to feel numb or anything other than the pain I felt from Edward's betrayal. The saddest part of this drive was there was no turning back. Edward would find my actions selfish and my family would not forgive me for leaving them. I had no other choice in my mind. My reason for living, my reason for being with these people had stolen everything from me. Edward could not understand what he had done to me and I wasn't about to sit around that house one minute longer and give him the satisfaction of listening in on my most inner private thoughts. Sure he would have suffered just knowing how I felt but I wanted him to suffer more by not knowing at all.

When I arrived at the reservation I wondered if I was even still welcome. _How would Jacob react to my presence?_ If I was leaving town like I planned then I at least wanted to say goodbye. It was better this way. Better before I hurt Jacob by leading him on. He wouldn't want me now anyway. I was damaged goods, broken. Anything warm and bright about me had burned out the second Edward came home.

I crept behind Jacob's house and began to tap lightly in the window hoping he was there. He quickly lifted the window and looked down at me. "Stop being such a creep, you know I have a front door." he said amusedly.

Relief flooded over me as I was greeted with Jacob's warm humor that I remembered from better times. I pushed him aside and crawled in the window, ignoring his remark about the front door.

"Sorry, I didn't think your dad would appreciate female visitors this late," I apologized.

Jacob plopped down on his bed next to me, "He doesn't mind female visitors, just visitors who consort with vampires."

_Why did he have to bring them up? _I was in the midst of abandoning my vampire family and his reminder made the pain sting.

"I can't stay long, I needed to see you." Those words alone made me shake with nervousness. I had no real plan or direction as to where I was headed. I just wanted to be as far away from Forks and the Cullens as possible. Edward made his choice, the Cullen's indifference sickened me, so now I was making the first real choice I had ever made since leaving the hospital. Jacob's room was warm and I missed it even though I hadn't yet left it behind.

Jacob looked concerned, "What's wrong?"

I just sat there on the edge of his bed shaking my head back and forth in deep sadness.

His breathing hitched, "Did they turn on you!? Has your family tried to hurt you Gwen? We'll protect you, I swear!"

"No," I screeched, "They'd never hurt me, calm down." I tried to rationalize although Edward had most definitely hurt me, and sometimes emotional pain was far worse than physical. Not to mention the gaping hole in my chest felt an awful lot like a real one. Jacob's willingness to protect me in an instant and send for the others did make me feel better. But still, the sadness inside of me was infinite and could not be cured by his compassion.

I was in enough pain myself and somehow had to muster the guts to say bye to him. I didn't want to hurt him. I wanted to make it all better for him by telling him the Cullens would leave Forks immediately and his life could return to normal and Bella would be safe again. I couldn't offer any of that. Nothing about my leaving was going to do anything to help the werewolves. My leaving was selfish and yet felt like my only option.

If Edward was allowed to flee when in pain then so was I. The only difference was I had no intentions of coming back. It would hurt too much to come back. The only thing that felt right was erasing this part of my life. Moving on to a new place, new home, and finally living. Sometimes to really live you've got to be willing to die. I envied Jacob of his life and his willingness to die.

I felt my phone in my pocket vibrating incessantly and I knew it had to be one of the Cullens trying to find out where I had run off to. Perhaps Alice even alerted them of my intentions. This is why I had to keep it short. There was no time to waste.

I jumped up from the bed and lunged into Jacobs arms, swinging mine around him and squeezed tightly. I dug my head into the side of his neck and never wanted this embrace to end. I swallowed in every last moment of warmth I could.

Jacob leaned back a little, "Whoa, Gwen what is wrong with you?"

I stepped back from his embrace and looked into his beautiful dark eyes. All the emotion of the night before was trying to flood back into me but I would not let it. For this journey I needed to remain numb. That was the only way I'd make it out.

My jumbled words and unplanned speech came off in the least eloquent way possible. "I'm leaving Jacob, for good. I'm not coming back and I will probably never see you or the Cullens again. Please don't try to stop me, please don't alert the others as to where I am heading. Just know I am going to the closest airport and I will be fine."

It almost hurt to say those words more than it hurt to write Edward's letter. Hearing myself say the plan out loud was very different than hearing it inside my head. Jacob's skin began to look flush and sadness overcame his warmth. He was speechless, which was good for me as I had no real explanation or anything more to say.

"I had to say goodbye, I'm sorry." I said hiding all the sadness behind those words.

Jacob quickly grabbed me into his arms and hugged me tightly. He then whispered into my ear, "I'll let you go, but I know you'll come back."

I fought back all the tears building in my eyes. I so wished his words were true but that was not my intention.

I pulled myself away quickly and lunged for the open window. I began climbing out trying to hide the onset of tears. Just as I was on the ground Jacob leaned out the window, grabbed my face and kissed me on the cheek. As I took off running I heard Jacob yell something in Quileute. I had no idea what the words meant but they echoed in my head the entire ride to the airport.

The bike was an awful choice of transportation since the largest airport in Seattle was a good three hours away. I ditched the bike in a garage and rented a car using Carlisle's credit card. I reasoned that just because they knew where I got a car doesn't mean they knew where I was flying, hoping that it would throw the Cullens off if they did come searching for me. Alice's visions are one thing that always confused me. I was hoping between switching transportation and not picking a flight yet she'd be unable to determine my ultimate destination and come after me. When I entered the airport I went to a nearby bench and began fiddling through my stuff, looking for the credit card to make a ticket purchase. This whole running-away-thing was beginning to exhaust me. In my head I hadn't decided exactly where I was headed. I figured maybe I'd choose the flight option farthest from Forks.

All of a sudden I felt an eerie presence next to me. A sudden chill came across me, similar to the feeling I had when I first met Carlisle. I looked to my right and there sat a young blonde girl with porcelain skin. Her eye color and manner of dress gave her away completely. She just stared at me with the most menacing look. I was absolutely terrified since I had only heard about vampires with red eyes from Carlisle. It meant one thing and one thing only. They fed on human blood.

I thought perhaps I should just play dumb and slowly make my way to a different terminal but I knew that it was not by chance this vampire was sitting next to me at this very moment. I remained silent, trying to calm my breathing. _I had absolutely no idea if she of all people could smell a scent on me, if I tempted her, was she hungry? _ She just kept staring at me with the most peculiar smile. Not a single wrinkle on her pale white skin. Her deep red eyes almost hypnotized me. I felt utterly helpless. I could not read her mind and so there I was for the first time since meeting the Cullens, human again. _Wasn't this what I asked for?_

Out of panic I began to slowly rise to walk away when her silky voice called_, "Sit back down Gwen."_

Her words commanded me and without a fight I took my place next to her on the bench.

"Who are you?" I questioned with all the courage I had left. The only thing that gave me hope was the thought that she probably wouldn't kill me in such a public place, at least that's what I hoped for.

"But it's much more important who you are," she said. Her words were a complete riddle to me as she obviously knew exactly who I was.

"I know what you are." I said boldly.

"Then you know what I can do to you before you even blink," she replied almost giggling with amusement.

She seemed so young but was clearly very old.

"What do you want with me?" I asked already terrified that she wanted nothing more to do with me than a snack. Perhaps the Cullens called upon this stranger to find me. Was I really that bad at running away?

What scared me most was I had no idea what special abilities she harbored. _Could she read minds? Is that how she knew my name?_

"You've been summoned," she said while handing me a piece of parchment with a blood red wax seal.

I stared down at the parchment thinking how medieval all of this was. That was when I noticed the giant V embossed into the red wax. My breathing hitched and my heart began to race. That V could only mean one thing. Volturi.


	22. Tonight

**22. Tonight**

EPOV

Gwen's pain surged through every inch of my body and it was as if we were one for that brief moment. Alice made me leave her be but every moment I had to keep my distance was hell. I wanted to console her but I had no idea what words I could even offer to make this better for her. The humiliation of my family knowing I hurt her like this was enough to make me want to crawl into a hole for the next 100 years. They didn't have to know the details, them seeing Gwen's reaction was enough to tell the whole story. All of us could hear her sobs and the mood in the household was somber at best.

I was also ridiculously embarrassed by this afternoon's debacle and I couldn't bear their presence. I did what I was good at.

"I'm sorry, we will talk later," I went for the door and immediately sped off into the night by foot in the direction of Bella's house. I made her a promise. Keeping that promise sounded better than facing my family; I couldn't stand continually listening to Gwen's heart break in the upstairs bedroom.

I ran fast as I could, anticipating Bella's touch and her scent. I was anxious to experience the first night in her room; just us two, alone. No longer would I have to sit in that rocking chair hoping to be the object of her affections. She was as good as mine now. I lusted for her attention.

I climbed up the tree outside Bella's window and there she was, sitting on the end of her bed, waiting.

When I got to my feet she lunged into my arms, giving me the warmest hug. My nostrils flared as I took in her scent. She giggled as my nose tickled her ear and I whispered, "Shhh, your dad will hear us!"

Not that I couldn't handle her dad but if there was ever a chance I'd get to court his daughter properly I was going to have to remain on his good side. I don't think sneaking up into his daughter's room in the middle of the night was going to get me any brownie points.

I was absolutely smitten by Bella in her plaid pajamas. They weren't girly by any means; I loved how she didn't care about being all gussied up around me. She was nothing like Rosalie or Alice. I tried to enjoy my time with Bella in her room but an overwhelming anxiety was pecking at my conscience as I was reminded of Gwen's pain. There was also the self-loathing from just walking out of the house as if this was just any other day. Surely Carlisle and Esme would be disappointed with me. Hell, even Alice, who had my back with any decision I made, was probably a little perturbed. After all, Jasper did almost kill someone today. Bella sat cross-legged on her bed, eyeing the spot next to her for me to sit down. Out of pure reflex I almost went to sit in the rocking chair but was now delighted to find her welcoming me closer.

It's almost unbelievable how calm Bella remained throughout the entire day, about my family and me. I was anxious to know if she had spoken to Jacob. My hopes were she'd be too frightened of him and the Quileutes. At least the Cullens and I remained in human form, for whatever that's worth. I felt my cell phone buzzing in my pocket. I checked the screen and an unknown number appeared so I clicked ignore. If it wasn't a Cullen, I usually didn't answer.

Bella and I found each other staring in silence at one another. She couldn't possibly be as fascinated with me as I was her. "Am I really here with you?" I asked, quickly realizing that I meant those words only in my head.

She laughed, "Am I really falling for a vampire?" I guess both sides of the argument seemed equally as unlikely. I cockily replied leaning my face in as close to her lips as possible, "I dunno Bella, are you?" Bella snapped out of my seductive haze and tried to shove me away.

"You know I'm not yours yet, you can't just assume!" Bella pointed out.

I knew what Bella was getting at. While we were seemingly in the baby stages of our relationship there was no verbal commitment. Truth be told, I was almost certain I would want her for the rest of eternity if she'd have me. When I was near Bella, and she wasn't setting my lungs aflame, something else inside my heart sung for that girl. She made me feel calm, almost human again. All of the restraint and waiting I did with Gwen seemed miles away from how comfortable I felt when I was with Bella. Bella knew my true nature, she knew my families true nature and even her friend the stupid werewolf, yet she did not shun us.

Whatever it was that held me back all those years from just reaching out and kissing Gwen did not exist when it came to Bella, and the proof was in this afternoon's events. The proof was in my willingness to give into what I really wanted. I had no desire to lead Gwen on, and I desperately wanted to heal her pain. Gwen deserved to feel what I felt towards Bella. I couldn't help but feel guilty for the number of years and unnecessary patience I put Gwen through with my indecision.

But, with Bella there was no decision. She had eclipsed my feelings towards Gwen in every way possible and now my heart belonged to her.

I looked at Bella intently, "I'll make you mine when the time is right but you must know you have my heart."

I wanted to take things slowly with her and do this the right way. I needed to meet her family properly. We needed many more dates. Hand holding, flirting, small stolen kisses. If I really was getting a chance at making this girl mine then I'd be damned if I didn't treat her with the utmost respect. As I sat on her bedside, playing out in my mind how I'd court her like a true gentleman, I felt the pressure of Bella's hand sliding across the top of my thigh. She then came to her knees so that her head was above mine and my face was eye level with her dainty collarbones. She ran her fingers through both sides of my hair and leaned her face downward, "Kiss me," she demanded.

All gentlemanly behavior had dissipated from my mind and her lips and collarbones were leading me into uncommon temptation. I leaned in and gently placed a solitary kiss on her lips. Bella fell back against her bed with frustration rolling her eyes, "Kiss me like you mean it, Edward."

You don't have to tell me twice! I thought as I grabbed her hips, pulling her quickly to lay flat on her back. I hovered my body over hers gently lowering my abdomen against her frail ribcage. I felt her muscles tense as our hip bones touched. I placed my hand firmly behind her neck pulling her towards me as I gave into the most passionate closed-lip kiss. The kind you see at the end of a movie when two people who are really in love have to say goodbye. I decided as long as I was going to hell, I might as well do it thoroughly. Bella wasn't exactly playing the innocent one after all.

Things were just on the verge of getting heated when I sensed it just moments before Bella was aware. I let out the tiniest little growl under my breath but I didn't want to alarm Bella. "Alice! What are you doing here?" I felt Bella's muscles flinch and tighten underneath me. Her cheeks then flooded with embarrassment as we both were entangled in a compromising position, with my sister standing only a foot away from the end of the bed.

"We don't have time for this," she snapped, looking more worried as each second passed. I pulled myself away from Bella's embrace and watched as she hurriedly began to straighten her hair and make sure she didn't appear like she had just been in the hottest make out session ever. All I could think was Alice better have a damn good excuse for being this intrusive. Alice began to stammer, "It.. it's..It's Jane!… She's with Gwen."

The name made my insides feel like they were rotting. I didn't even have to guess which Jane Alice was referring to. Jane, none other than the prodigal vampire of the Volturi.

I leaned in close to Alice making sure not to alarm Bella any more then she was. "Alice, what is happening? What did you see?"

"Gwen ran away, her decision was never clear as to where she was headed." Alice's words were hushed and hurried. "Jane found her at the airport…they are headed to Italy!" I felt a tiny gasp leave my mouth as my fingers began to twitch impatiently. All I could think was what have I done? How could I have let this happen to Gwen?

Alice eyed me intently letting me know we needed to be on our way immediately. I turned to glance at Bella and for some reason felt numb to the situation. There was only one thing I could focus on in that moment and it was protecting Gwen, getting her back safely!

I walked briskly to Bella's side kissed her forehead and said, "I have to find Gwen, she's in trouble; I promise I will come back as soon as I can." Bella looked worried, like she wanted to argue every word I said and demand more of an explanation. I didn't have one. I had no idea why the Volturi had summoned Gwen. For all we knew the Volturi were unaware of her existence. After all, she was not a vampire. Bella bit her lip in frustration as she remained compliant the bed; Alice and I left with haste through the open window.

It was only a moment before Alice and I were in the Cullen drive way. Everyone looked prepared; the cars were waiting for us. I looked around at all of my family wondering if any of them knew more than I about Gwen's situation. I snapped, "We all can't leave!" Rosalie walked toward me with a sour look on her face, "We're all going, some of us actually care about Gwen!" I let out a deep chest snarl before Carlisle broke up the inevitable fight.

"Someone has to stay and watch over Bella. There are werewolves here!" Nobody seemed like they shared my sentiments. Of course, they had no reason to. Bella meant nothing to them. I looked at Carlisle with a pleading stare. "Alright, Esme, Rosalie, and Emmett, you three stay," Carlisle requested adamantly. I knew why Carlisle had chosen them to stay. The three of them were strong and fast like us all but they had no particular gifts to name. If we were visiting the Volturi the gifted ones would be needed. "Like hell I am going to stay here and dog-sit for his pathetic human girlfriend," Rosalie challenged angrily. Emmett just looked disappointed that he wasn't going to get to have his biggest challenge to date. The Volturi, if it came down to it, would be worthy opponents. But, I knew deep down he preferred his Rosalie safe and sound where she was. I watched as he tried to calm her. Rosalie swayed with discontent in Emmett's arms when she snapped back with a growl, "God damnit Jasper…don't even!" "We don't have time for this," Alice chimed in.

Rosalie stomped up to me, making herself square with my shoulders just as I was about to duck into the car. "Bring her back alive, or I'll kill you myself!" I nodded in shame at Rosalie, pulling my body into the car as Alice, Carlisle, Jasper and myself made a dash for the airport. The sound of the road and the nearly silent drive did nothing to numb my increasing nervousness. "We have to make this next flight," Alice added, "or it will be too late!"


	23. Eyes On Fire

**23. Eyes on Fire**

GPOV

As Jane and I boarded the flight to Italy I found myself picking incessantly at the lint inside my jean pocket. She led me toward the front of the plane behind some blue curtains where a couple others were sitting in first class. She pointed at the seat closest to the window, encouraging me to sit down.

I could have screamed or made a scene. Surely Jane could have not slaughtered every passenger before at least one person got help. Plus, she was Volturi and I knew from Carlisle that secrecy of vampire kind was their oath. But the sheer terror that panicked my whole body kept me quiet and still as I sat down and began to peer out the window. As the plane started to take off and the woman on the intercom's voice faded out, I realized just how far away I was from my family and safety. Every passing minute on the plane I was further away from everything that meant anything to me.

A good majority of the flight Jane just stared straight ahead as if she was entirely alone. The fact that I had been summoned to the high court of vampires was still curious to me. I probably rehearsed the question over 30 times in my head before I got the guts to speak to Jane. I had never been more fearful in my life that this vampire could turn on me any second.

"So how does this work, do I get a Miranda Warning or something…?" she turned her head slowly and stared at me blankly. "I mean, don't you have to tell me what I'm being summoned for?" When she chose to speak her voice was smooth, almost like silk, and she spoke the way they do in those old English period films. She spoke with absolute clarity and surety in her words. "I don't have to tell you anything. I would be delighted to let you sit there and wonder." I saw a small smile crack from the corner of her lips and all I could think was, "What a sadistic bitch!"

But I was smart and knew her type, so I would play her own evil against herself. "Don't you think I'd be more worried if I knew what was about to happen to me?"

She cocked her head at me, "I suppose you're right, if ignorance is bliss, we shall have none of that."

I knew I was winning. If maybe I knew what was about to happen I could plan for it. I had no reason to believe Jane knew about my absorption abilities. I had yet to see any sign of her gifts but if she dare use it against me she'd be surprised to meet her match.

"So, my summons… the details please?"

"I'm only telling you because the sound of your voice is annoying," she paused. "One of our Volturi guards was in Alaska checking in with the Denali coven." My breathing began to hitch. "Your good friend Tanya was quite the informant."

When I heard that wretched name I began to feel that dry feeling in my throat like right before you vomit; the packet of peanuts I had downed slowly began to rise up my throat. I swallowed the tension back.

"She's not my friend," I murmured listening to my own teeth grind against one another.

Jane began to egg me on, "Like I said, your friend Tanya was very eager to inform us of a human traveling with a coven of vampires."

Assuming Jane had no clue about my capabilities I replied, "So, what?"

Jane began to scoff, "So, my dear, you really think a human with no scent, not aging, traveling with vampires who are sworn to secrecy, was going to go by unnoticed."

She then turned to me with her deep burgundy eyes and in a spiteful voice said, "Nothing gets by me…"

Although her words ignited my nerves she still made no mention of my ability to absorb anything other than age. To my knowledge Carlisle and the other Cullens always kept the secret of my true abilities from the Denali Coven. They knew I did not age and they knew I was one of the Cullens, but perhaps this is why Carlisle kept it a secret all along. Plausible deniability… I thought to myself.

Jane looked satisfied by the distraught look on my face but I did not want to give her that sort of satisfaction.

All of a sudden she got very giddy and girl-like. "You know it will be very interesting when Aro meets you!" she said excitedly.

"And why is that?" I obliged her.

"Because he hates humans who mingle with our kind," this time she definitely smiled.

I vaguely remember who Aro was from something Carlisle said in passing. Obviously he has some sort of power and I don't think anyone who ate humans had much value in them to begin with. So, I tried to comfort myself in saying that it didn't matter how he felt.

Rolling over on my side, I leaned against the window, staring out into the blackness wondering how far had I gone…

I must have slept the rest of the flight because I awoke to the abrupt shaking of the plane and the clanking of the overhead bins. As I looked outside I realized it was sunny. Perhaps this would be my saving grace.

As Jane and I exited the terminal I noticed two cloaked figures at the exit of the walkway. I'd have bet my life on it they were there for us.

They both nodded silently at Jane and she returned the acknowledgement.

One of them was a boy equal in height to Jane. He had short cropped brown hair and the same puckered pale lips as her. "My dear sister, I apologize you had to endure that flight without a meal and for what? This..." he said glancing in my direction.

Most vampires were beautiful but this boy had a sour appearance to him and he displeased the eyes. It was eerie seeing both Jane and her brother next to one another. Like small evil children frozen in time.

The other cloaked man was a tad shorter with wispy sandy blonde hair. His features were very handsome but slightly feminine. He noticed me staring him down when he smugly remarked, "She doesn't smell remotely delectable, what a shame." He then looked away distastefully. "Come you two; I hate airports, they are just too tempting." I instinctively knew to follow.

The three of us waited by the electric sliding doors until a black expensive-looking car with tinted window pulled up to the sidewalk. The three vampires pulled their cloaks over their head and tugged tightly at the gloves over their hands. It was a sunny day and the slightest hint of skin would alert the public to these strange creatures. I was wedged in the back seat between Jane and her brother Alec while Demetri joined the driver up front. The driver could have been a football player and basketball player all rolled into one. He was just as tall as he was wide. His shoulders squared far past the sides of the driver's seat.

He did not say one word to me nor did he glance to even look at my face. The car ride was long but I could not bring myself to fall asleep although my eyelids were heavy. My sentiments were ambivalent. Part of me fresh, from Edward's heartbreak, did not care that I was driving towards my inevitable demise. The other part of me knew I would fight till the very end because that's who I was: a fighter, a survivor. What was most frustrating was the fact that Alice's gift never worked how you expected. Did she see me leave for Italy? Did she see us in the car heading for Volterra? Or, since none of these decisions were my own was her mind absent of my situation?

Perhaps I needed to make my own choice, my own decision, in all this forced mess for her to see. It was quite clear a decision such as jumping out of the car or attacking one of the passengers would not work in my favor. I sat for awhile, toying with various ideas of how to make Alice see more or see anything at all. I knew it probably wouldn't work but I closed my eyes and thought to myself, decided to myself_, I will fight till the bitter end; I will use them all against each other if I have to. _I opened my eyes, not surprised that my predicament was still very much sitting on both sides of me. At least now I had made a decision that was my own and there was a better chance of Alice seeing. I could no longer continue to let every move in this chess game be made for me.

Entering the city of Volterra was like entering another time. The city was made of stone and looked like withered castles built into the hills. Spanish tiles lined the roof of every building but the town still appeared ancient. It was quiet, unlike the cities in America where the constant buzz of people and noise of traffic pollutes the silence all around you. I don't know what I expected of the city, it being the home to the Volturi. It's not like they were going to have the streets filled with jail cells full of humans for meal time. They had strict rules and a faux moral high ground when it came to their prey. You would have never known they were there. You would have never known until our car pulled into an underground passageway and parked in the pitch dark. My escorts opened the doors and ushered me out into the darkness toward a wrought iron door.

We passed through many dark narrow corridors. The smell of moss was in the air so the ground must have been damp. Through each corridor I knew I was being led further and further away from safety, from daylight, and any chance of ever being found. Yet, I kept my decision to fight firmly in the forefront of my mind, hoping my dear Alice would find me before it would be too late. My doubts were increasing as I reminded myself how long the flight was, how long the drive lasted. I began to accept that it was more than likely too late. If it was going to be too late, I didn't want them coming at all; it wasn't worth the risk.

At the end of God knows how many hallways we reached an old looking-elevator; all five of us crammed in and stood shoulder to shoulder. When the door to the elevator opened it was like awaking from a dream and finding yourself in a whole other world. We were in some sort of office setting that looked like something out of the fifties or an episode of I Love Lucy. The furniture was retro and an awful seafoam green color covered the walls. There wasn't much else in the office except a solitary business desk where a woman sat.

As we walked towards a side door the woman stood to her feet and nodded at my counterparts. She was stunningly beautiful until I saw a hint of bite marks on her neck. She saw me flinch and she quickly pulled her collar over her neck and took her place back at the desk.

I choked out the word, "human?" "She's a human," I reiterated curiously. Demetri let out a snarky laugh, "Oh, Gianna. What a delicately beautiful thing, wouldn't you agree?" He continued before I could respond. "She's a fool though." Alec jumped in, "a savory fool," he whispered. Jane snapped, "Silence, Aro and the others are waiting."

Behind the door at the end of again another corridor we entered a giant circular room. My eyes began to wander furiously at all the beautiful marble pillars, floors and frescos above my head. As my eyes followed the art on the walls I then noticed all the unfamiliar faces around me. Straight ahead were three chairs seating three ancient figures. The man on the far right was much more boyish in appearance, with long white hair. To his left was an impish looking man who appeared older than the other two. He had dark reddish brown hair and appeared utterly disinterested as he leaned idly on his fist. To the far left was a brunette man who appeared in his thirties but I knew better to think he would ever age. His nose was pointy and skin pale white like all the others in the room. Their eyes were the most terrifying feature. Everyone in the room had deep blood red eyes, a clear sign they had been feeding on human blood.

I tried to cheer myself up by saying at least their pupils weren't all solid black. I doubt my being without scent would have saved me now. The 30-something man on the far left practically jumped out of his seat. He clasped his hands together joyfully, "Alas, my dear Jane, you have arrived with our guest of honor!"

Demetri twiddled his thumbs and let out a nagging remark, "Aro, she is unbearably boring and useless." So this was Aro, a man I had only heard about and seen briefly in an old portrait. Aro sent Demetri a chilling look that could only mean one thing: silence or I'll snap you in half. Demetri immediately stepped backwards, nodding his head at Aro in almost a bow.

All around the room were more quiet, somber looking vampires. Some female, others male, but none as young looking as Jane or Alec. I felt dreadfully young surrounded by all of them. All of a sudden I heard the sound of many footsteps and chattering voices getting closer and closer. My heart pounded, hoping it was the Cullens here to rescue me. The door we had just walked through flung open and in walked a tall, slender woman in a skin-tight red dress. She was sexy and her red lipstick would be fatal to any man. Behind her was a group of clueless-looking humans all gathered closely together walking forward cautiously. They were distracted by the grandeur of the room just as I was. Many of them had cameras around their necks, a dead ringer for tourists.

The room around me began to vibrate with anticipation. It was quite clear a feeding frenzy was about to begin. "Please escort our guest away while we enjoy our dinner," Aro directed Demetri. He grabbed my arm and quickly ushered me out of the room. Just as the door behind us closed I could hear the echoes of loud, shrill screams of men and women coming from behind me. I cringed at the sound of slaughter, thinking of how quietly and humanely the animals die when the Cullens would hunt. Demetri led me through dark catacombs, pointing at a small cell. I entered the tiny holding space and began to shiver fearfully as my fate inched closer and the sounds of the screams far away become more and more faint.


	24. No Need To Argue

**24. No Need To Argue**

EPOV

Airplane from Seattle-Rome

"I'll never forgive myself if they hurt her."

Rome-Volterra

"I'm not going back without Gwen!"

Volturi Entrance

"If it comes down to it, get her out of there and leave me to them…"

Time Elapsed: 15 Hours and 55 minutes


	25. Change In The House of Flies

**25. Change In The House of Flies**

GPOV

Those pieces-of-shit corpses have kept me down here locked up for hours, cooped up in a pitch dark cell. I began to develop cabin fever and couldn't stop pacing back and forth. _Why hadn't they fetched me yet?_ They should have been done feasting hours ago. By now I was furious and done being toyed with or made to wait for my own judgment. Just about the time I had given up hoping they'd come for me, I heard the jingle of keys coming down the dark hallway. It was Demetri, looking absolutely satiated.

Demetri escorted me back to the great hall, squeezing my elbow tightly with his grasp. If only I could have read his mind I would have known my fate. I wanted to know. I wanted to look death in the eye and say hello instead of cowering in fear. I may be human but I'd been living with vampires, surviving amongst danger and challenge too long to go out without some goddamn courage. When we arrived at the doors he practically threw me to the ground in front of all of them.

Stumbling back to my feet I gasped, "Edward!"

Across the room my family stood surrounded by more guards. Edward gritted his teeth furiously and began to move his body against their restraint. I must have looked crazy to him after sleep deprivation, not eating, and being locked in a dark cell.

As I gained my balance, relief washed over me as I slowly allowed Edward back into my thoughts and he into mine. During my time locked up I had began to think I'd never be able to see my family or hear his voice in my head again. Hearing the sound of his voice in my thoughts felt like my soul rising from my body. It was the warmest and most welcoming feeling; it practically jolted me back to life.

Carlisle's face remained calm, like he had been here before or done this. Alice's eyes flickered incessantly and I knew her anxiety was getting the best of her but I looked at her wanting to yell, _thank you, thank you for finding me!_

I knew I didn't have much time to share my plan with Edward. It was a half-ass plan to begin with but now that my family was here I had more hope that it would work.

Quickly, I shared with Edward that Aro and the rest of the Volturi had not spoken with me yet and I was almost sure they had no idea about my absorption abilities. I had planned to let them attack me, as many as need be till I found the one vampire with the worst, most lethal gift. I'd find a way to use it against them all. I had no idea if it would work. After all, who know what gifts they'd produce if I could even find a way to channel that much energy back onto multiple people.

Edward followed my thoughts quickly and agreed with me. Between the Cullens' powers and strength plus mine, he thought we might have a fighting chance if it came down to it. He then let me in on information about Aro. Apparently Aro was like Alice in a way. His gift came in the form of touch. He had to touch someone but instantly he'd know every thought or memory they ever had. My thoughts became frazzled and worried. If he touches either of us he will know I thought to Edward. "Do not worry," Edward calmed me. "Let him say whatever he wishes and you will know when the time is right, when to act." Just as I thought Edward had said all he would I heard him think, "Whatever you do, get out of here Gwen, do not be stupid!"

We both nodded at each other then turned to face Aro and the others.

"Gwendolyn Elenora Rice is it?" Aro said, walking slowly toward me while he clasped his hands tightly together against his chest. I replied as bravely and truthfully as I could, "Gwen Cullen."

The ancient looking vampire remained unmoved in his chair but let out a small chuckle at my response.

Aro began to walk in slow circles around me, sizing me up. He let out a small laugh as well, "Forgive me for laughing but I assume you're not really convinced that's your family." He paused pointing at the Cullens, "Not your blood family correct?"

I was impatient and feisty; I knew Edward and Carlisle would not approve of my tone, "What are you getting at already, spit it out!"

Aro sneered at me, showing his teeth mere inches from my flesh. I pulled back, pretending to be fearful but in actuality not wanting him to touch me just yet. Then he'd know everything.

I could tell Aro was becoming as impatient as I. In frustration, he spewed out his next sentences essentially, yelling them at no one in particular.

"You, Gwen, are an abomination!"

"Your mother…? Have you ever wondered about who your mother was?... I'll tell you!"

My heart began to flutter. Where was this conversation going? He had my undivided attention. I hadn't thought about my real parents in a lifetime and how peculiar, this stranger brings them up in a time like this.

"Your traitorous mother was to be my wife! That's right Gwen, your mother was vampire and she was to be mine!"

His tone was bitter, full of anger. But, nothing compared to the shock I was in. I felt like the first time I found out Edward could read minds. Everything was fuzzy and the sound in the room seemed muffled.

I liked seeing Aro upset and, in fact his irritation delighted me. Whoever my mother was didn't matter.

"Say her name, you coward," I spat with a swift tongue.

"That name will not be said in my presence ever again, you hear me girl!" Aro had lost his composure and instead of looking like a fearless leader he now appeared much like a frustrated little boy.

I closed my eyes listening for her name in his heart.

"Sulpicia," I whispered just loud enough for him to hear it.

He slowly turned his head toward me raising his hand to me as if to say stop.

Aro spoke through his teeth, "Don't you ever repeat the name of that traitorous whore to me again."

That's when Aro really let his guard down. It's as if his weakness flowed forth into my goblet. I collected every little thought and emotion in his head prepared to use it against him.

My mother, Sulpicia was vampire but did not love Aro. She escaped the Volturi in Italy and sought refuge in the States. Many many years later she fell in love with a kind human man. Together they had a child, me…

Even in Aro's painful thoughts my mother was beautiful. She had long red hair just like me and soft pale skin.

I looked into Aro's eyes, "You hate me because I look like her, and because she didn't love you!"

I tried to ignore Carlisle's thoughts about the impossibility of human-vampire birth. It didn't matter, I was here and I was proof.

I could see all of the Volturi begin to fidget impatiently, wanting to defend Aro's honor. They were not used to seeing him be disrespected.

Aro lunged at me, sneering for all to hear, "I will gut you just like your mother the whore and her pathetic excuse for a human lover."

Out of untamed anger he grabbed my shoulders shaking me with his disgust. To others in the room only moments, just seconds passed. Between Aro and me it was a lifetime of memories and thoughts.

Aro's thoughts played like a record in my head. The images and memories came so fast. I caught brief glimpse of his love and betrayal from my mother and the many years after he spent wallowing in his anger. I knew by the end of our short embrace he'd know what I was capable of and he'd see mine and Edward's plan, so I took a deep breath before he removed his shaky hands. This would end in a blood bath one way or another.

He pulled away from me quickly and yelled to himself and his guards.

"Impossible, you're an abomination! IMPOSSIBLE!" The rage quivered in his throat.

"Now!" I yelled to Edward and the others.

I knew who would be coming for me first. The strongest yet smallest of them all. Jane was ready to square off with me.

Jane's power was unbearable. It felt like I was burning alive from the inside out. My veins felt like liquid lava and it was incapacitating. As I lay there on the floor writhing in indescribable pain I looked all around me at the chaos ensuing. Every Cullen was fighting off a different guard while Aro stood in the middle, panicked with anger.

I focused what little strength I had left and crawled to my knees preparing to use Jane against herself. I was almost certain she had never felt the kind of pain she inflicted on others. Within a moment of her feeling it she crumpled to her knees, screaming shrilly.

Only a moment had passed while I was sending Jane into a coma of pain I felt numbness coming over me as Alec approached. My vision started to blur and the sound around me faded in and out. Clearly Alec had some power of my senses. I had to focus with what little time I had left before I wouldn't be able to see or hear my enemies. It was clear to me between Alec and Jane if I could somehow focus their powers I could incapacitate the whole room.

I had little to no practice attacking people, using other powers than mind-reading and no practice whatsoever on channeling two powers at once.

I broke for a moment from Jane, who lay on the floor still writhing in her own pain. I closed my eyes and swallowed the lump in my throat. I looked back at the blurry figure of Alec as he began to hobble with imbalance, my vision slowly became clearer and the sound around me returned to its normal volume. The fear on Alec's face was that of a child lost without his mother. He looked utterly disoriented and, truth be told, it was pathetic.

I felt no remorse for Alec or Jane. As they both surrounded me, suffering in a hell they had created many times before on others, I tried with all my strength to find a way to bring this same suffering to the many enemies that surrounded me. From what I could tell all of the Cullens were still around me fighting off the others. If I did not act fast a vampire would easily kill me and the Cullens would have no chance of escape.

From the back of the giant room one by one I focused on each individual member of the Volturi present. Each one I slowly removed their senses. First their hearing, then their sight. Each one began dropping to their knees in a panic. They rubbed their eyes furiously and screamed screams they could not even hear.

Every single member of the Volturi family and guard was on their knees and subject to my decision. At any moment I could put them through Jane's pain or I could ask the Cullen's to help me execute them one by one. If I was really cruel I could bring back their ability to hear so that could hear one another's screams and the sounds of each other being slaughtered.

One vampire I did not yet begin to torture was Aro. I saved him for last. I wanted him to feel vulnerable and scared for the first time in his vampire life. I wanted him to pay for calling my mother horrible names and for murdering my parents.

Carlisle noticed me standing silently in the corner, focusing my thoughts on keeping the others incapacitated while planning what to do with Aro.

Carlisle rushed to my side but was careful not to interrupt my concentration for fear of having to fight off the Volturi again.

The others, Edward, Jasper, and Alice, joined me by my side. I walked slowly towards a frightened and speechless Aro.

"Jasper," I snapped, "Make them all feel fear, the worst kind they have ever imagined; make their worst nightmares come true."

Jasper looked at me like I was crazy, and I was in fact crazy. I was crazy about surviving this, and protecting my family. I nudged him to do as I said.

All around the granite circular room the sound of screams and shrieks echoed as Aro watched his friends and family suffer in unbearable pain.

"Stop Jasper," I commanded. The screams quieted mildly. It returned to pleas of help, over and over.

"Aro, am I making myself clear or should they receive a taste of your precious Jane's medicine?" I threatened, willing to pull the trigger on every one of them at any moment.

He looked around furiously and his stature began to cower.

I made myself square with his shoulders and hoped he could feel my breath on his face as I spoke my first, last, and only warning.

"I may only be human but I will make good on this promise. If you or any of your guard ever come looking for me or my family again, I will return. I will make you suffer for days in the kind of agonizing pain you have bestowed on others. Then I will make you watch as I execute every one of your kind like goats for the slaughter."

I took a gasp of air from my long winded promises.

"And, as you have seen everything in my head and heart, just know that if you do make the mistake of coming for us that a human, some vampires, and some even angrier werewolves await your visit."

Aro dropped to his knees still clasping his hand, this time in a prayer-like manner.

"Please forgive me and undo this harm to the others," he pleaded.

Carlisle placed his hand on my shoulders, "We need to get out of here now, let this go Gwen!"

With Aro in the middle of the giant stone room surrounded by his loyal followers, still suffering in senseless pain, I turned to Aro and bestowed Jane's gift upon him for a brief moment.

I watched his old, now frail looking body writhe in pain against the granite floor just like the others. I paused, allowing him to regain focus.

"Consider that a gift, from the daughter you'll never have…"

I turned my back to Aro and the others, leaving the room with quick steps. Just as the door behind me closed I felt Edward put his arm around me and pull me close.

For the first time in what seemed like days I let out a sigh, a long breath that reminded me I was alive.

The plane ride home was as much a blur as the one to Italy.

Half of it I spent sleeping; the other half was consumed by Carlisle bickering about the medical miracle of my birth and Jasper stunned by what a hardass I was during our fight. Alice just clung to Jasper's arm the whole flight, happy to be alive and returning home with all of us.

Edward remained silent for much of the flight, still guilt-ridden. I didn't need to read his thoughts to know he was still in love with Bella, still missing her at that very moment but also very grateful and happy to have gotten to me in time.

He didn't say much but he did give me his bag of flight peanuts because he knows how much I love in-flight peanuts. We exchanged a brief smile.

I closed my eyes and fell asleep to the image of my mother, who even in Aro's betrayed thoughts was still a beautiful woman; my mother, and a vampire in love with a human nonetheless.


	26. To Build A Home

**26. To Build A Home**

EPOV

I carried her in from the car. She was still exhausted and, in my opinion, in mild shock from the whole string of events.

What a brave girl, I couldn't stop thinking to myself. Rosalie rushed to our side but I hushed her, as if I needed to point out the girl asleep in my arms.

Rosalie brushed aside Gwen's hair and kissed her on the forehead then looked at me to say, "Thank you."

I whispered back, "No thanks to me, all thanks to Gwen!"

Emmett interrupted a little too loudly, "I gotta hear this."

I nodded at Jasper to begin informing the others as I carried her upstairs to her room.

I laid Gwen down on the bed and began gently removing her dirty shoes and clothes.

Placing some clean pajamas on her, the memories of her room and how much she meant to me flooded back.

One thing was for certain, I was in love with Bella but I did love Gwen. I may never fully understand what that kind of love was but somehow I feel it was necessary.

It was a necessary for me to grow and explore who I was and what love is. It was a necessary love to open my heart.

I placed some blankets on top of Gwen when she began to move around sleepily.

When she opened her hazy eyes I stared into them, glad that I would get the chance to do so again. The last time I saw her I didn't know if she'd ever forgive me or speak to me again.

She whispered, "You are lucky I'm speaking to you." She let out a tiny sleepy little smile with her snarky remark.

I let out the first real smile I could since before we hurriedly left for Italy. "Are you ever going to forgive me?" I asked impatiently.

She rolled over on her side staring at me. A few moments of silence passed.

"Yea I am…" she paused "because you're going to have to forgive me."

With a confused looked I replied, "And what would I ever have to forgive you for?"

"For falling for a werewolf, who happens to be your girlfriend's best friend."

Gwen closed her sleepy eyes, ignoring that fact that her last remark would utterly annoy me.

She must have been paying attention to all my thoughts because she added, "it doesn't matter if you think it can't happen or won't work, if it's meant to… it will…"

Gwen grabbed my hand and squeezed it tightly, adding one last remark before she fell asleep, "love is spending the rest of your life with someone, knowing it will all come to an end. You and I will have to accept that if we choose to love."

I replied softly, "That seems to be the way of things. Goodnight Gwen…"


End file.
